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Season 2011-12

Fan Articles

Ain't No Sunshine

By Tony Marsh  ::  07/07/2011
 41 Comments (»Last)
Here we go again on a journey through the English summer time. We all know what to expect, don't we? We all know what's coming and it's starting to do my head in already.

As soon as the thermometer hits 70 degrees, the railway tracks buckle, the reservoirs empty, the public highways melt, and the whole country grinds to a halt.

Thousands of chinless interbred Hoorah Henrys and Henriettas descend on Wimbledon to cheer on some useless Brit Twat tennis player while quaffing warm Laureant Perrier champagne: Come on Timmy... or is it Muzzy the Jock who hates the English now? Who gives a fuck ? they never win it anyway. "Henman Hill makes me Ill" is what the headline should read.

Once more, we see scantilly clad page 3 girls lick cornettos on Bournemouth beach as the tabloids proclaim "It's Hotter Than Barbados Here!!!" Dopey Yorkshiremen smother their noses in Blue sun block while playing cricket at Headingley. They wouldn't want to burn up in those Sahara-like conditions, would they?

Air-traffic control strikes, hose-pipe bans, rain at Glastonbury... the list is endless. Oh and of course Everton fans thinking we will sign one of our intended targets early doors and put us all out of our collective misery. Guess what, Boys: it's never going to happen.

We can just picture it now, can't we? Pot-bellied Scouser lobbing another Walls Banger on the badly built B&Q Barbie as the 9th can of Stella hits the spot and the charcoal fumes waft through the living room choking the kids:

"Hey Jimmy, were signing that Charles N'Zogbia from Wigan, ye know!!!"

"Are we fuck; we need to get £8 million for Joey Yobo first and get rid of the Yak to bring some dosh in, lar!!!"

"No mate, our kid's bird's sister works in the Everton Gift shop as a cleaner every third Monday and the security Guard who's on the door there reckons he bumped in to Cahill in Rhyl sun center last week and it's a done deal!!!"

"Fuckin' 'ell ? it must be true then. I thought we were getting Joey Barton, Paul Scoles, Ryan Giggs, that Mouthino fella from Portugal, and swapping Leon Osman and Tony Hibbert for some Brazillian kid who wants away from AC MIlan..." blah, blah, fucking blah...

I don't get it at all... this type of thing happens all over the place every year and, every year, we all get sucked in again. We ain't signing N'Zogbia ? or anyone else who costs money, for that matter. Why would N'Zogbia leave a club like Wigan, who pay him bigger wages than we would give him, and work for a chairman who has less ambition than a condemned inmate on Death Row?

It hurts me to say it but Everton FC are now one of the minnows in the Premier League and only our own supporters see us as anything more. We can't compete with middle-tier clubs in the transfer market these days. We can't afford big-name players on movie-star wages and that's the sad truth.

Nearly 80,000 tourists will turn up at Old Trafford on match days to take photos on their iPhones of Wayne Rooney's hair transplant, oblivious to who the opponents are or who is in their starting eleven.

It doesn't matter to the new breed of football fan. As long as there are some good snaps taken and the flight back down to London later on that evening isn't cancelled. Who gives a fuck about the Footy? We can get some good shit posted on Facebook tomorrow morning and show all the other Gimps we know what a lovely day out we had at the Soccer game.

The problem is that these fucking wierdos who follow the Mancs swell the coffers at the club to such an extent that the Red Devils now sell more football shirts in the Far East and China than every other club in Europe combined. We can't sell a fucking can of Chang without there being a problem with it.

I am now of the opinon that most of the lads my age who still follow the Blues do so out of a misguided sense of loyalty, force of habit, or it's just an excuse to swerve the wife for the day and get on the piss. No longer do they relish the start of a new season with dreams and aspirations to match those we had back in the 80s and early 90s.

We all know where the trophies will end up and the Champions League places will go next year, don't we?We are all resigned to the fact that we won't play any part of it, aren't we?

Live in hope... or still follow in a sense of morbid curiosity, Boys, as it's all you can do now. We are in such a mess both on and off the field. The club is a shambles and has been since the John Moores era ended. Kenwright and his cronies haven't a clue where to turn next to bring about regeneration of this football club.

Our history really isn't that special when compared to the proper clubs in the Premier League and our future is in severe trouble if people with real business acumen aren't brought in soon to rejuvenate the place. It's a disgrace what's happening and the sooner you all wake up and stop dreaming, we might start to get somewhere.

I have lost the will to slaughter the manager or the players anymore as I just can't be arsed. There's no point. We are what we are and that's it. I have given up on football ? not just Everton but the whole stinking lot of it.

Fifa, Uefa, Man City, players agents, crap £100k-a-week shithouse players who don't give a fuck about the fans or the clubs they play for... they can all do one. I'm off for some Stella and sausages ? who needs new signings anyway??

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Reader Comments

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John Keating
1   Posted 07/07/2011 at 14:54:23

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So I take it you're not too happy then?
Dave Lynch
2   Posted 07/07/2011 at 14:59:41

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Can't disagree with any of that Tony.
It's called Murray Mound now, though, not Henman Hill.

I honestly give us 3-4 seasons in our current state; we will then either go into admin or be relegated.
Chris Bannantyne
3   Posted 07/07/2011 at 15:25:18

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3 seasons at best. Relegation is just around the corner.
Damascene Taylor
4   Posted 07/07/2011 at 16:21:38

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Thank God I work on the ground floor...
Brian Hill
5   Posted 07/07/2011 at 17:45:21

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"a chairman who has less ambition than a condemned inmate on Death Row?"

Tony, so right. A condemned man wants to live, Kenwright only wishes to survive.
Andy Crooks
6   Posted 07/07/2011 at 17:41:52

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Tony, first of all, welcome back. It's about time you were arsed. What does sitting silent achieve? Our history is special. Dean ,Young, Ball, Harvey, Kendall, Labone etc, etc. We all know the problem, what is the solution?

Stay in and fight. You can be a voice on the sidelines or you can fight. I agree with what you say. So, are you going to give up? It's a shame if you do.

Jon Cox
7   Posted 07/07/2011 at 17:57:20

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Tony you're right about football in general. The whole lot of it has gone down the pan big time.

As for BK I see him as the submarine captain when at six thousand Premiers under the sea, dons scuba outfit and goes out to see if his new tin opener works and then wonders why the crew are not pleased.
Trevor Lynes
8   Posted 07/07/2011 at 18:49:31

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Had a good laugh at the article but it's black comedy and too near to the absolute truth to be really hilarious!!

I've been an Evertonian through thick and thin since and during relegation and the really good 60s and 80s so I have had lots of highs and lows. We totally missed the boat after the 60s success... we could'a been a contender Charlie'... We should have had the same foresight as Shankly and created our own conveyor belt of success when we ruled!! Instead, we broke up the side and success evaporated.

Again in the 80s we missed the boat, still not learning to build on success but instead squandering the spoils instead of investing.

We were the Mersey Millionaires... now we are the Mersey Minnows being outmanouvered by the likes of Sunderland, Stoke and even Wigan who I used to play against in the Lancashire Combination.

We have one of the most loyal set of fans in England with a lot of travelling support, yet we drop out of any transfer as soon as any other club shows interest. Unless fresh blood is introduced to our squad, we will founder and sink and I really feel so frustrated!!

DM has not uttered one word of encouragement and has seemingly joined his master Nero in fiddling while our once great club goes up in smoke.

How can they even consider taking the squad away on pre-season HOLIDAYS when we have no money for investment??? It's a piss take surely!

Jon Cox
9   Posted 07/07/2011 at 19:11:31

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Trev, if memory serves, you did a stint at Haig Ave. So did I. Firstly for Bury Rd School in the Greenall Cup. S'port in those days were in the 3rd Division. Imagine a ten year old playing at his "Wembly".

Ball, Harvey, Kendall, Royle were my heroes. So what now?

Now I see a tsunami of foreign imports and money (Sky TV) that have desimated not only us but many other teams which cannot now compete on a level pitch.

Remember back in the days when half of our team comprised of Scottish footballers as with other teams in the "First Division". Look how Scotland qualify now for world football events.

The clue to why this is all happening is this.

Not only are players from differenty countries playing in our Englsh leagues but foreign managers are managing countries. Not only this, but countries are now having foreign players playing for countries that they were never born in. WTF!!!!

Racism on yer bike, Reality, defo.

Plus the useless twats who give out the coaching badges so we can have useless managers who wont let players express theirselves on a football field.

Argentina, Spain, Brazil, Holland Germany, they don't coach like we do.

I wonder why...
Ian Smitham
10   Posted 07/07/2011 at 20:44:31

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Tony, never been one for the vitriol oft spouted, but can I say the humour here was superb.

Welcome back to the real world of Toffeeweb.
Trevor Lynes
11   Posted 07/07/2011 at 20:43:19

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Jon # 9... My first game for Southport was against Rochdale and I was playing against Jackie Grant and Eddie Wainwright who I used to watch playing for the Blues. I went to Buxton later and played against Wigan Athletic, who have made the greatest strides of all when you realize it isn't even a football town. Anyway, I had a double fracture so in those days it was the end of a career.

I'm totally frustrated at the way the club has been allowed to go into decline when a lot of the teams we cannot nowadays compete with in the transfer market were nonentities when we were at the top.

Fresh faces are a stimulant for the fans and bring optimism. What we seem to have nowadays is a safe haven for ageing players as there is no competition for places... A really BLUE BLUE!!

Guy Hastings
12   Posted 07/07/2011 at 20:55:52

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Stella and sausages ? that's what I mean by 'nil satis' etc.
Drew O'Neall
13   Posted 07/07/2011 at 22:11:51

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Ooooh you miserable bastard...

I'm pretty sure we could pay N'Zogbia's wages with what we saved on Yobo's, Yakubu's, Heitinga's, Vaughan's etc's..

Nah, blame it on the chairman and wallow in self pity... It's the Everton way.
Jamie Sweet
14   Posted 07/07/2011 at 21:48:57

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Welcome back Tony. I imagine it took this long to crawl out of the vat of bourbon you were going to jump into after your last article!

You should have probably stayed in there mate. Nothing has changed. Looks like nothing is going to.

It is Everton Football Club that is on death row, with Blue Bill playing the part of judge, jury and executioner. Our future is in his hands.

Pass me a Stella!
Gavin Ramejkis
15   Posted 07/07/2011 at 22:11:52

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Trevor, Wigan still isn't a footie town and they never sell out their stadium yet every year still have more money than we do. Something stinks to high heaven at Everton and has done for years. Too many sheep though who won't have a word said against BK and his useless board ? including those that supposedly aren't involved.
Trevor Lynes
16   Posted 07/07/2011 at 22:35:15

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Gavin # 15 ? I totally agree with you. How is it possible for other teams in the league with much smaller gates, who finish beneath us each season, yet are active in the transfer market???

As soon as any other club shows interest in a player, we drop out of the action!! I'm not talking about the so-called big clubs, Im talking about teams consistently below us.

I agree that something stinks and embezzlement is a thought I raised years ago. We should have a transfer budget every season and I don't accept all the talk of being skint, I don't believe all the bullshit.

Russell Buckley
17   Posted 08/07/2011 at 00:31:52

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We call ourselves fans of this club. It sounds so much more appropriate when you use the full version of the word:?

FANATICAL

Only those who are truely fantatical about this club would keep looking for the transfer news every day. I do it myself but it's an addiction. I know I'm not going to get any rewards doing the searches each day but I can't bloody help it.

If only there was rehab for a Toffee fan...
Joe Rourke
18   Posted 08/07/2011 at 00:42:25

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Jon # 9

Do you by any chance write scripts for 'Shameless' or do you imagine yourself as a real incarination of 'Frank' from the show?

Tony

There is a mover and shaker with real financial acumen that I've heard of ? he is down south at the minute... and good news is that he runs football clubs. He has even turned one into challengers for the Champions League. He goes by the name of Risdale.

There was this guy too that was running a small football club up till recently over in the west of Ireland ? the club are in the shit now but I'm sure thats nothing to do with him; his name is Nick Leeson and he is an ex-banker supposedly! Better than Bill with money I'm sure... He is available ?why not get him and Risdale in? I'm sure they would be great!

This 'article' is another ignorant green-eyed incoherent and very ridiculous moan ? nothing else.

It's past my bedtime so I'll say goodnight!

John Ford
19   Posted 08/07/2011 at 06:27:09

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You've described the consequence of an uncompetitive, distorted, top-heavy English game.

Your bewilderment refects the view point of a fan of one of the teams desperate to catch up with those on the top table. We have no realistic chance of doing that under current ownership. Personally my expectations are for no more than some good performances and another decent league position, oh... and a cup run would be nice.

We're not a big club, but we're Everton and to me that makes it special. The only way to deal with not having a chance of winning trophies (along with virtually everyone else) and keep your sanity is to temper your expectations. Otherwise you end up like some on TW who are perpetually angry and bitter that Moyes isn't pulling miracles with an empty wallet.

Top English football has been shafted by money. Everton have been hurt more than anyone because we've been the best 'nearly team' for several seasons. The good times remain out of reach, but we'll be hoping once again come August.
Stephen Kenny
20   Posted 08/07/2011 at 08:08:30

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Tony,

By the sounds of it your on the verge of starting FC St. Domingo's of Everton.

Either that or you just felt like another grumble and can't be bothered to try and influence the status quo.
Kunal Desai
21   Posted 08/07/2011 at 11:01:20

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Top post Tony. Made me laugh. Let's be honest where the fuck is the motivation and excitement for us fans each summer. I've for the first time in my life time of supporting the club have that feeling of 'not bothered, nothing will change'. I think the biggest gripe I have with the club is it's communication with the fan base. We get treated like shit and yet we come back for more and more.

The club don't give anything back to the supporters and never will. So therefore why should I?

Steve Jones
22   Posted 08/07/2011 at 11:18:18

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How cool is this: construct a long and wordy whine at the general inequities of it all. Offer nothing constructive of any description and its lapped up by all those others who have no clue how to do anything other than whine like old women.

Free therapy and kudos into the bargain. Cool being you, eh, Tony?!
Peter Laing
23   Posted 08/07/2011 at 13:33:14

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Tony, nail on head fella, exactly how I'm feeling too and the bit about swerving the mrs on a Saturday and having the opportunity to get on the lash following the game rings true in my household! I'm picking and choosing my games next season, the season ticket hasn't been renewed and I feel a whole lot less frustrated as a result into the bargain.
Andrew Cunningham
24   Posted 08/07/2011 at 14:15:26

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After 1970 up unto the mid 80s I don't remember Everton being so great.
I even think we had money then.
Steve Edwards
25   Posted 08/07/2011 at 13:50:07

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Tony - On the nail mate. As for Steve Jones (22), no idea what goes on between your ears. Tony is simply stating the way it is and we should all be able to see that. If you don't then you must be blind, deaf and dumb... very dumb... but I suspect that you think you're a clever fella who is above all that.
Pastor Flaps
26   Posted 08/07/2011 at 14:42:35

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Aye Aye Tony it must be the summer - No doubt you'll be dripping like a septic dick until just before Christmas and then we'll not hear fuck all from you till the season closes and you can carry on dripping about what should have been. Come for a pint with me in Billinge one night lad and I'll show you misery!
Richard Parker
27   Posted 08/07/2011 at 08:32:35

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For once, I'm in total agreement with Tony Marsh. It is a sad day.
Tony Marsh
28   Posted 08/07/2011 at 16:07:13

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Steve Jones, I am cool... I'm cool on football at present ? and it's not just me. Take a look around and listen to Everton fans who are turning away in their droves.

Listen to the fans who won't renew season tickets this year. Take a look around the lounges at Goodison Park next season and see the empty tables that fans won't stump up for again because they feel conned.

Watch Sky News, this website, and the Echo for new players coming in that won't come in and read the views on here of fans who have seen it all before and have had enough.

What fucking planet do you live on, mate? What is there to be up-beat about as yet another pre-season lumbers along with no transfer activity whatsoever???

Guess were all wrong and your right though?
Trevor Mackie
29   Posted 08/07/2011 at 16:20:02

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With all this doom and gloom, I just have a feeling we'll surprise everyone: possibly top 4... maybe nick one of the cups.

Hahahahahahaha.... it's better than glue, writing that.

Hang on... what about this in The Echo:

"All out attack", says Moyes.

Or Messi on transfer speculation:

"My new team must play attack ? that's why I'm joining Everton"

Have a go, you'll feel better.
Jon Cox
30   Posted 08/07/2011 at 18:43:00

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Shit, Joe (18)...

You've just blown my cover ;-p
John Ford
31   Posted 08/07/2011 at 19:42:55

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Trevor....niiice!

I can see Messi talkin about his dad and how he idolised Bob Latchford.
Gerry Western
32   Posted 09/07/2011 at 11:46:54

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Tony, I rarely post these days but occasionally log on to get a sense of how others are feeling about all things Everton.

Your post is a little light on Everton content... which is hardly surprising given that there's not really too much to get excited about these days, as it looks increasingly likely we'll be doing more selling than buying. You've given a brief mention to N'Zogbia; to be honest, if we could afford only one purchase, I'd prefer it to be him. Alas, I think we'd be at the back of a long line of suitors.

Rather than dwell on the demise of a once great club, you've widened the scope to football in general and I have to say I agree entirely. It's quite sad to see the impact of money on today's game but it's here to stay.

It's regrettable that the general malaise surrounding the club and its fans has given rise to a section of the fan base whose only aspiration is one of mediocrity ? and therein lies the problem. We comfort ourselves in the belief we are a big club but talk to fans of other clubs and you quickly learn that we are simply deluding ourselves.

Simon Templeman
33   Posted 09/07/2011 at 17:21:07

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Well said John Ford @ 7,
It seems many on here are in denial about the present economic climate. I HATE the fact lesser clubs appear to be outbidding us for certain players, but are they doing so in reality?
We are now paying Cahill, Saha, Neville, Bilayetdinov, Jagielka, Baines, Arteta, Howard, Heitiga, Distin, and no doubt others in excess of £1m per year, and in some cases £2m. Have you seen the wage BILL of Wigan vs income or Villa or CITEE. So many clubs are doing a LEEDS at the moment, I would prefer us to tread water than fold.
Simon Templeman
34   Posted 09/07/2011 at 17:45:31

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sorry, John Ford @19
Ryan Holroyd
35   Posted 09/07/2011 at 18:09:07

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Tony, do what I'm doing and cut off all your financial support. He'll be gone soon. One way or the other.
James Boden
36   Posted 10/07/2011 at 14:39:09

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Welcome Back Tony and I have to say that all of what you said I was in total agreement in but while I found your comments about polictical matters and general behaviour of the public rather amusing the same cannot be said of Everton's plight which is just extremely sad.
Mind you as you hit the nail on the head football in general is just a disgrace as the money now is beyond obscene.
Mike Allison
37   Posted 10/07/2011 at 19:27:18

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"Our history really isn't that special when compared to the proper clubs in the Premier League"

You can't disagree with any of it Dave Lynch? And there was me thinking Everton WAS a proper club and being proud to support them as opposed to being a 'valued' customer of one of the global marketing brands that are Liverpool Football Club and Manchester United Football Club. Only those two and Arsenal have more successful histories than us, and ours is longer and could be said to have as many or more landmarks and innovations in the game.

Which clubs are you referring to as 'proper' Tony? Because if you do mean the marketing machines then that sentence really doesn't make much sense and shame on you and Dave for disrespecting our club in such a massive way. If you're that sick of it you know what to do... (and it isn't post your rants on Toffeeweb)
Dave Lynch
38   Posted 11/07/2011 at 09:36:40

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Mike, When the club start respecting ME as a supporter and not some knobhead who turns up weekly regardless, then I'll give some respect back.

We ceased becoming a proper club when this lying bastard of a chairman took us all for knobheads and started lying to us on a regular basis. He and his bent board have very nearly driven us over the edge of obscurity with their DK and asset-stripping of the club.

As far as the history comment. I took it as since the Prem began, as Tony stated "Other Prem teams."

Don't ever question my commitment to Everton mate, as a supporter for over 50 years I have travelled everywhere with them. Respect is a earned. These charlatans who run the club wouldn't recognise that if it fell out of a tree and lamped them on the head.

Mike Allison
39   Posted 11/07/2011 at 11:22:11

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Okay Dave, but I hope you can see where I'm annoyed. I'm separating 'the club' as a concept from the people who currently run it. Your second post makes it clear what you mean; I'm not sure Tony's, which you originally agreed with, does.
Noel Lynam
40   Posted 12/07/2011 at 13:10:40

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So Tony, you have given up on football? Sure... that's why you are posting an article on a football-specific website. And taking the time out to post a reply (#28) to another poster. About football.

I'll give it til October when we are languishing in mid-table to lower half before you post another "Everton are fucked. All is not as it was in my day. The youth of today don't know their Champions Leagues from their Simod Cups etc etc" articles.
Jason Lam
41   Posted 13/07/2011 at 09:42:13

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Yobo's back!! There, that should bring a smile to your face Tony!

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