As soon as the thermometer hits 70 degrees, the railway tracks buckle, the reservoirs empty, the public highways melt, and the whole country grinds to a halt.
Thousands of chinless interbred Hoorah Henrys and Henriettas descend on Wimbledon to cheer on some useless Brit Twat tennis player while quaffing warm Laureant Perrier champagne: Come on Timmy... or is it Muzzy the Jock who hates the English now? Who gives a fuck ? they never win it anyway. "Henman Hill makes me Ill" is what the headline should read.
Once more, we see scantilly clad page 3 girls lick cornettos on Bournemouth beach as the tabloids proclaim "It's Hotter Than Barbados Here!!!" Dopey Yorkshiremen smother their noses in Blue sun block while playing cricket at Headingley. They wouldn't want to burn up in those Sahara-like conditions, would they?
Air-traffic control strikes, hose-pipe bans, rain at Glastonbury... the list is endless. Oh and of course Everton fans thinking we will sign one of our intended targets early doors and put us all out of our collective misery. Guess what, Boys: it's never going to happen.
We can just picture it now, can't we? Pot-bellied Scouser lobbing another Walls Banger on the badly built B&Q Barbie as the 9th can of Stella hits the spot and the charcoal fumes waft through the living room choking the kids:
"Hey Jimmy, were signing that Charles N'Zogbia from Wigan, ye know!!!"
"Are we fuck; we need to get £8 million for Joey Yobo first and get rid of the Yak to bring some dosh in, lar!!!"
"No mate, our kid's bird's sister works in the Everton Gift shop as a cleaner every third Monday and the security Guard who's on the door there reckons he bumped in to Cahill in Rhyl sun center last week and it's a done deal!!!"
"Fuckin' 'ell ? it must be true then. I thought we were getting Joey Barton, Paul Scoles, Ryan Giggs, that Mouthino fella from Portugal, and swapping Leon Osman and Tony Hibbert for some Brazillian kid who wants away from AC MIlan..." blah, blah, fucking blah...
I don't get it at all... this type of thing happens all over the place every year and, every year, we all get sucked in again. We ain't signing N'Zogbia ? or anyone else who costs money, for that matter. Why would N'Zogbia leave a club like Wigan, who pay him bigger wages than we would give him, and work for a chairman who has less ambition than a condemned inmate on Death Row?
It hurts me to say it but Everton FC are now one of the minnows in the Premier League and only our own supporters see us as anything more. We can't compete with middle-tier clubs in the transfer market these days. We can't afford big-name players on movie-star wages and that's the sad truth.
Nearly 80,000 tourists will turn up at Old Trafford on match days to take photos on their iPhones of Wayne Rooney's hair transplant, oblivious to who the opponents are or who is in their starting eleven.
It doesn't matter to the new breed of football fan. As long as there are some good snaps taken and the flight back down to London later on that evening isn't cancelled. Who gives a fuck about the Footy? We can get some good shit posted on Facebook tomorrow morning and show all the other Gimps we know what a lovely day out we had at the Soccer game.
The problem is that these fucking wierdos who follow the Mancs swell the coffers at the club to such an extent that the Red Devils now sell more football shirts in the Far East and China than every other club in Europe combined. We can't sell a fucking can of Chang without there being a problem with it.
I am now of the opinon that most of the lads my age who still follow the Blues do so out of a misguided sense of loyalty, force of habit, or it's just an excuse to swerve the wife for the day and get on the piss. No longer do they relish the start of a new season with dreams and aspirations to match those we had back in the 80s and early 90s.
We all know where the trophies will end up and the Champions League places will go next year, don't we?We are all resigned to the fact that we won't play any part of it, aren't we?
Live in hope... or still follow in a sense of morbid curiosity, Boys, as it's all you can do now. We are in such a mess both on and off the field. The club is a shambles and has been since the John Moores era ended. Kenwright and his cronies haven't a clue where to turn next to bring about regeneration of this football club.
Our history really isn't that special when compared to the proper clubs in the Premier League and our future is in severe trouble if people with real business acumen aren't brought in soon to rejuvenate the place. It's a disgrace what's happening and the sooner you all wake up and stop dreaming, we might start to get somewhere.
I have lost the will to slaughter the manager or the players anymore as I just can't be arsed. There's no point. We are what we are and that's it. I have given up on football ? not just Everton but the whole stinking lot of it.
Fifa, Uefa, Man City, players agents, crap £100k-a-week shithouse players who don't give a fuck about the fans or the clubs they play for... they can all do one. I'm off for some Stella and sausages ? who needs new signings anyway??
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1 Posted 07/07/2011 at 14:54:23
2 Posted 07/07/2011 at 14:59:41
It's called Murray Mound now, though, not Henman Hill.
I honestly give us 3-4 seasons in our current state; we will then either go into admin or be relegated.
3 Posted 07/07/2011 at 15:25:18
4 Posted 07/07/2011 at 16:21:38
5 Posted 07/07/2011 at 17:45:21
Tony, so right. A condemned man wants to live, Kenwright only wishes to survive.
6 Posted 07/07/2011 at 17:41:52
Stay in and fight. You can be a voice on the sidelines or you can fight. I agree with what you say. So, are you going to give up? It's a shame if you do.
7 Posted 07/07/2011 at 17:57:20
As for BK I see him as the submarine captain when at six thousand Premiers under the sea, dons scuba outfit and goes out to see if his new tin opener works and then wonders why the crew are not pleased.
8 Posted 07/07/2011 at 18:49:31
I've been an Evertonian through thick and thin since and during relegation and the really good 60s and 80s so I have had lots of highs and lows. We totally missed the boat after the 60s success... we could'a been a contender Charlie'... We should have had the same foresight as Shankly and created our own conveyor belt of success when we ruled!! Instead, we broke up the side and success evaporated.
Again in the 80s we missed the boat, still not learning to build on success but instead squandering the spoils instead of investing.
We were the Mersey Millionaires... now we are the Mersey Minnows being outmanouvered by the likes of Sunderland, Stoke and even Wigan who I used to play against in the Lancashire Combination.
We have one of the most loyal set of fans in England with a lot of travelling support, yet we drop out of any transfer as soon as any other club shows interest. Unless fresh blood is introduced to our squad, we will founder and sink and I really feel so frustrated!!
DM has not uttered one word of encouragement and has seemingly joined his master Nero in fiddling while our once great club goes up in smoke.
How can they even consider taking the squad away on pre-season HOLIDAYS when we have no money for investment??? It's a piss take surely!
9 Posted 07/07/2011 at 19:11:31
Ball, Harvey, Kendall, Royle were my heroes. So what now?
Now I see a tsunami of foreign imports and money (Sky TV) that have desimated not only us but many other teams which cannot now compete on a level pitch.
Remember back in the days when half of our team comprised of Scottish footballers as with other teams in the "First Division". Look how Scotland qualify now for world football events.
The clue to why this is all happening is this.
Not only are players from differenty countries playing in our Englsh leagues but foreign managers are managing countries. Not only this, but countries are now having foreign players playing for countries that they were never born in. WTF!!!!
Racism on yer bike, Reality, defo.
Plus the useless twats who give out the coaching badges so we can have useless managers who wont let players express theirselves on a football field.
Argentina, Spain, Brazil, Holland Germany, they don't coach like we do.
I wonder why...
10 Posted 07/07/2011 at 20:44:31
Welcome back to the real world of Toffeeweb.
11 Posted 07/07/2011 at 20:43:19
I'm totally frustrated at the way the club has been allowed to go into decline when a lot of the teams we cannot nowadays compete with in the transfer market were nonentities when we were at the top.
Fresh faces are a stimulant for the fans and bring optimism. What we seem to have nowadays is a safe haven for ageing players as there is no competition for places... A really BLUE BLUE!!
12 Posted 07/07/2011 at 20:55:52
13 Posted 07/07/2011 at 22:11:51
I'm pretty sure we could pay N'Zogbia's wages with what we saved on Yobo's, Yakubu's, Heitinga's, Vaughan's etc's..
Nah, blame it on the chairman and wallow in self pity... It's the Everton way.
14 Posted 07/07/2011 at 21:48:57
You should have probably stayed in there mate. Nothing has changed. Looks like nothing is going to.
It is Everton Football Club that is on death row, with Blue Bill playing the part of judge, jury and executioner. Our future is in his hands.
Pass me a Stella!
15 Posted 07/07/2011 at 22:11:52
16 Posted 07/07/2011 at 22:35:15
As soon as any other club shows interest in a player, we drop out of the action!! I'm not talking about the so-called big clubs, Im talking about teams consistently below us.
I agree that something stinks and embezzlement is a thought I raised years ago. We should have a transfer budget every season and I don't accept all the talk of being skint, I don't believe all the bullshit.
17 Posted 08/07/2011 at 00:31:52
Only those who are truely fantatical about this club would keep looking for the transfer news every day. I do it myself but it's an addiction. I know I'm not going to get any rewards doing the searches each day but I can't bloody help it.
If only there was rehab for a Toffee fan...
18 Posted 08/07/2011 at 00:42:25
Do you by any chance write scripts for 'Shameless' or do you imagine yourself as a real incarination of 'Frank' from the show?
There is a mover and shaker with real financial acumen that I've heard of ? he is down south at the minute... and good news is that he runs football clubs. He has even turned one into challengers for the Champions League. He goes by the name of Risdale.
There was this guy too that was running a small football club up till recently over in the west of Ireland ? the club are in the shit now but I'm sure thats nothing to do with him; his name is Nick Leeson and he is an ex-banker supposedly! Better than Bill with money I'm sure... He is available ?why not get him and Risdale in? I'm sure they would be great!
This 'article' is another ignorant green-eyed incoherent and very ridiculous moan ? nothing else.
It's past my bedtime so I'll say goodnight!
19 Posted 08/07/2011 at 06:27:09
Your bewilderment refects the view point of a fan of one of the teams desperate to catch up with those on the top table. We have no realistic chance of doing that under current ownership. Personally my expectations are for no more than some good performances and another decent league position, oh... and a cup run would be nice.
We're not a big club, but we're Everton and to me that makes it special. The only way to deal with not having a chance of winning trophies (along with virtually everyone else) and keep your sanity is to temper your expectations. Otherwise you end up like some on TW who are perpetually angry and bitter that Moyes isn't pulling miracles with an empty wallet.
Top English football has been shafted by money. Everton have been hurt more than anyone because we've been the best 'nearly team' for several seasons. The good times remain out of reach, but we'll be hoping once again come August.
20 Posted 08/07/2011 at 08:08:30
By the sounds of it your on the verge of starting FC St. Domingo's of Everton.
Either that or you just felt like another grumble and can't be bothered to try and influence the status quo.
21 Posted 08/07/2011 at 11:01:20
The club don't give anything back to the supporters and never will. So therefore why should I?
22 Posted 08/07/2011 at 11:18:18
Free therapy and kudos into the bargain. Cool being you, eh, Tony?!
23 Posted 08/07/2011 at 13:33:14
24 Posted 08/07/2011 at 14:15:26
I even think we had money then.
25 Posted 08/07/2011 at 13:50:07
26 Posted 08/07/2011 at 14:42:35
27 Posted 08/07/2011 at 08:32:35
28 Posted 08/07/2011 at 16:07:13
Listen to the fans who won't renew season tickets this year. Take a look around the lounges at Goodison Park next season and see the empty tables that fans won't stump up for again because they feel conned.
Watch Sky News, this website, and the Echo for new players coming in that won't come in and read the views on here of fans who have seen it all before and have had enough.
What fucking planet do you live on, mate? What is there to be up-beat about as yet another pre-season lumbers along with no transfer activity whatsoever???
Guess were all wrong and your right though?
29 Posted 08/07/2011 at 16:20:02
Hahahahahahaha.... it's better than glue, writing that.
Hang on... what about this in The Echo:
"All out attack", says Moyes.
Or Messi on transfer speculation:
"My new team must play attack ? that's why I'm joining Everton"
Have a go, you'll feel better.
30 Posted 08/07/2011 at 18:43:00
You've just blown my cover ;-p
31 Posted 08/07/2011 at 19:42:55
I can see Messi talkin about his dad and how he idolised Bob Latchford.
32 Posted 09/07/2011 at 11:46:54
Your post is a little light on Everton content... which is hardly surprising given that there's not really too much to get excited about these days, as it looks increasingly likely we'll be doing more selling than buying. You've given a brief mention to N'Zogbia; to be honest, if we could afford only one purchase, I'd prefer it to be him. Alas, I think we'd be at the back of a long line of suitors.
Rather than dwell on the demise of a once great club, you've widened the scope to football in general and I have to say I agree entirely. It's quite sad to see the impact of money on today's game but it's here to stay.
It's regrettable that the general malaise surrounding the club and its fans has given rise to a section of the fan base whose only aspiration is one of mediocrity ? and therein lies the problem. We comfort ourselves in the belief we are a big club but talk to fans of other clubs and you quickly learn that we are simply deluding ourselves.
33 Posted 09/07/2011 at 17:21:07
It seems many on here are in denial about the present economic climate. I HATE the fact lesser clubs appear to be outbidding us for certain players, but are they doing so in reality?
We are now paying Cahill, Saha, Neville, Bilayetdinov, Jagielka, Baines, Arteta, Howard, Heitiga, Distin, and no doubt others in excess of £1m per year, and in some cases £2m. Have you seen the wage BILL of Wigan vs income or Villa or CITEE. So many clubs are doing a LEEDS at the moment, I would prefer us to tread water than fold.
34 Posted 09/07/2011 at 17:45:31
35 Posted 09/07/2011 at 18:09:07
36 Posted 10/07/2011 at 14:39:09
Mind you as you hit the nail on the head football in general is just a disgrace as the money now is beyond obscene.
37 Posted 10/07/2011 at 19:27:18
You can't disagree with any of it Dave Lynch? And there was me thinking Everton WAS a proper club and being proud to support them as opposed to being a 'valued' customer of one of the global marketing brands that are Liverpool Football Club and Manchester United Football Club. Only those two and Arsenal have more successful histories than us, and ours is longer and could be said to have as many or more landmarks and innovations in the game.
Which clubs are you referring to as 'proper' Tony? Because if you do mean the marketing machines then that sentence really doesn't make much sense and shame on you and Dave for disrespecting our club in such a massive way. If you're that sick of it you know what to do... (and it isn't post your rants on Toffeeweb)
38 Posted 11/07/2011 at 09:36:40
We ceased becoming a proper club when this lying bastard of a chairman took us all for knobheads and started lying to us on a regular basis. He and his bent board have very nearly driven us over the edge of obscurity with their DK and asset-stripping of the club.
As far as the history comment. I took it as since the Prem began, as Tony stated "Other Prem teams."
Don't ever question my commitment to Everton mate, as a supporter for over 50 years I have travelled everywhere with them. Respect is a earned. These charlatans who run the club wouldn't recognise that if it fell out of a tree and lamped them on the head.
39 Posted 11/07/2011 at 11:22:11
40 Posted 12/07/2011 at 13:10:40
I'll give it til October when we are languishing in mid-table to lower half before you post another "Everton are fucked. All is not as it was in my day. The youth of today don't know their Champions Leagues from their Simod Cups etc etc" articles.
41 Posted 13/07/2011 at 09:42:13
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