Season 2011-12
The Mail Bag

“Yeah, but no, but yeah...”

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According to the official site:

"David Moyes says Marouane Fellaini is very close to agreeing a new contract at Everton. Talks between Club officials and the Belgian midfielder have been ongoing for several months and the Blues' boss believes they are now reaching a positive conclusion. He said at a press conference today 'I think it is very close to getting done'"

Now I know it's not like in 'the olden days' when goal ace Len Sgragg would be called in by the gaffer, told he's getting another 4/6d a week and..."NEXT!"

But Jesus, how come it takes SO fucking long?

Why can't they just set aside a day, get everyone involved into a room and (in the words of Mr Nike) 'Just twatting well do it'.

It's not as if there's a load of possible outcomes, there's only TWO.

("I'm signing" or "stick your contract up your hole").

The ONLY scenarios are..

BK: How about "£40,000 a week?"

MF: "No"

BK: "£50?"

MF: "No"

BK: "60?"

MF: "Ok"

BK: "Done!" (handshakes and afro-wigs all round)

OR...

BK" "£50?"

MF: "No"

BK: "Well that's as high as we go so you can fuck off"

I Know that's a simplification but it's more or less what is going on and it WILL come down to one of those answers.

What's going on right now plus the TIME it's taking is ridiculous and the press statements are total gibberish.

OS: "He's a little bit close..closer than he WAS..but not as close as we'd like. He's close-ISH. He's exhibiting closecritude and closeaciousness. His signing isn't imminent but it is SEMI-imminent..." etc blah blah.

(yes I know it's not just us but that doesn't make it less annoying).

Of course, I probably SHOULD be thinking 'Look, they know what they're doing, let them get on with it' and if it hadn't been for the Gosling cock-up (and the other 6745) I might.


Eugene Ruane, New Forest     Posted 25/10/2011 at 16:43:39

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David Hallwood
1   Posted 25/10/2011 at 19:19:42

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New Forest! Eugene, I thought you lived in Sweden! Very funny but marks ai it's probably close to the truth
David Hallwood
2   Posted 25/10/2011 at 19:28:14

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the should read "marks off as it's probably close to the truth" where would we be without typos
Stephen Kenny
3   Posted 25/10/2011 at 19:31:37

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Mo's arl fella: "We want £65k, Bill."

Bill: "Let me think about it for a bit..."

Mo's arl fella: "Okay, let me know soon."

Bill: "Course."

5mins later...

Bill: "He wants £65k a week, Bob, 35 grand extra!!!

Bob: "Well, he is our best player."

Bill: "Tell you what, Bob, we'll leave it 12 months, that'll save us millions."

Bob: "But then he's only got 12 months left, what if he decides to leave?"

Bill: "Leave???? Don't be daft, Bob ? we're Everton!"

"Bob: "Errr..... yeah, boss; what was I thinking."
Colin Ryan
4   Posted 25/10/2011 at 19:36:38

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Hope he doesnt sign and we find some mug to give us £15m for him in January. Over rated by alot of Everton fans and one of the laziest players to ever play for us and a complete liability in most games. Does he ever track a player? One fancy dragback against Man City elevated to him hero status which he doesnt deserve in my opinion.
Alan Clarke
5   Posted 25/10/2011 at 19:50:56

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No one obviously wants to pay 15 mil for him. His dad's been hawking him round Europe for 2 years now and no one's shown much interest. Probably because he's slow, injury prone, a liability in the tackle and rarely scores or gets an assist. He's got a good touch and his short passing is good but he's not worth more than what we paid for him.

I hope he signs but I think we're the right level for him.
Lee Courtliff
6   Posted 25/10/2011 at 20:11:30

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For once i agree with you Eugene.

But i imagine that these days there all kinds of 'niggly' little things to deal with.

Such as image rights,get-out clauses and the like. Maybe that's why it takes so long and the actual weekly wage is already agreed.

Of course i have no experience of negotiating this kind of contract so what do i know.
Eugene Ruane
7   Posted 25/10/2011 at 21:24:07

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Dave, finished in Gothenburg and if I post after Friday it'll be Le Touquet!

'They seek him here...'
Colin Wainwright
8   Posted 25/10/2011 at 21:29:25

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He's the best midfielder at the club by a country fuckin mile.

So he's probably already been sold.
Alan Clarke
9   Posted 25/10/2011 at 21:51:08

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Colin, it says as much about the rest of the shite in our midfield though.
Colin Wainwright
10   Posted 25/10/2011 at 21:54:25

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Don't agree Alan. I think he's been outstanding at times this season but I will say that there's not many players that polarise evertonian opinions as much as Fellaini.

He doesn't score enough though, your right there.
Colin Ryan
11   Posted 25/10/2011 at 21:55:37

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Has anyone even shown an interest in buying him in the 3 years we have him? 11 goals in over 3 seasons and 10 assists? Not to mention his 23 yellows! The much hated Osman has 13 goals and 11 assists. He wouldnt get a game at MU/MC/Arsenal/Pool/Spurs
Andy Peers
12   Posted 25/10/2011 at 21:55:39

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It shouldn't take long except for all the games Agents play to get the best deal for them and their Client.

Off Topic slightly, but does anyone remember when Moyes was in negotiation with his contract, that part of his concern was about the Transfer Fund and how much was going to be available? Obviously Bill was blowing smoke up Moyes arse and that may be why Moyes looks like a man betrayed and defeated every game and interview.
Liam Coulton
13   Posted 25/10/2011 at 23:38:41

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Colin Ryan....

Laziest players?

You need to have a look at the distance covered stats mate. It's immense the ground he covers.

His first touch is one of the best at the club as is his passing.

He and Baines are the only two players in our team who would be comfortable at the very top level.
Derek Thomas
14   Posted 26/10/2011 at 06:00:56

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Put our best offer on the table, say "Sign this by close of business Friday 23rd December." If not, 'leak it' ? make it known to all the usual suspects before the transfer window opens and see who comes in with an offer.

There could be 3 posibilities.

We (and his Dad) get no offers, result; we re-offer the contract.

We get a crap offer...*crosses arms* ? No Deal. We reconcider our offer or re-offer.

We get a decent offer; result! We rethink our position in the light of the dangling cash and the possibility of the Banks wanting some or all of it and maybe do a deal and go halves.

Knowing our luck, the Banks will say yes, only for us to find our new-found 'riches' all swallowed up paying off his original fee.
Steve Burgess
15   Posted 26/10/2011 at 07:04:00

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We need to avoid seeing him walk away for peanuts (get the pun?), I suspect the new deal will need a clause that allows him to go if a serious offer comes in from one of his dad's favoured 'big' clubs.
Ultimately, this would make sense on both sides. In effect this is what happened with Arteta and it ensured that we received a decent transfer fee for an ageing injury prone player.
If the deal doesn't get done soon though I suspect he will be out of here in January.
Matt Traynor
16   Posted 26/10/2011 at 10:22:18

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"BK: "Done!" (handshakes and afro-wigs all round)"

Sorry, but I thought the Gosling debacle proved we don't do handshakes, or do we?

For me Fallaini has still to prove he is consistently a good player - his injuries (not his fault) have so far prevented him from doing that. He owes us enough to sign on, even if it includes a minimum fee clause. I'd half expect our side to screw that up and put a minimal fee clause in though...
Norman Merrill
17   Posted 26/10/2011 at 12:32:53

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Liam, com 13.
It's all about opinions, but I am right behind you on this one.
Eugene Ruane
18   Posted 26/10/2011 at 12:28:34

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He's playing at the moment the way I remember Yobo playing when there was a fuck-up wth his deal (incredibly NOTHING to do with Everton) not too long after he signed.

I remember when Joe started he looked great, then this contract issue came up and his form just...vanished.

This big mad-headed pot-herb seems to be carrying on the same way and it appears it's no good saying "Forget the contract - just concentrate on your game", he/they just don't seem to have the capacity.

(another reason why letting the whole thing drag is very counter-productive).

I actually think he CAN play but (like a lot of footballers today) just never reaches the level of consistency you would hope for (and had I been able to get a grip of him after couple of recent games, I'd have quite happily kicked a lung out of him).
Kevin Sparke
19   Posted 26/10/2011 at 12:47:12

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Bill Kenwright: Okay, here's the deal young man - we're going to fuck around for nine months dropping hints that you're just about to put pen to paper to become an integral part of our five year plan to come ninth... and at the last moment you'll sign for Chelsea for twice what we offered you - but here's the clever bit... we'll do it the last five minutes of the transfer window so the mugs... I mean... 'supporters' aren't put off buying their season tickets - then we'll tell them that we offered you the Earth but you'd obviously been tapped up.... this way you cop the flack and we don't... ain't that right Davey boy...

Dave Moyes: Yes Bill...?

Kenwright: Well it worked with Pienaar, Arteta, Manny Fernandes and Rooney... Ain't that right Davy Boy?

Dave Moyes: Yes Bill... anything you say

Felliani:('Speaking in Belgium to his agent)

Agent: 'He want's to know if you'll throw in a couple of front row tickets for 'Blood Brothers' as mouth shut money...
Steve Bryant
20   Posted 26/10/2011 at 13:40:44

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Anyone would think they have to write the bloody contract from scratch, using caligraphy pens. Or maybe it's feather and ink? I blame all that dipping into the ink pot ? maybe that's why it's taking so long!! Or maybe whenever they call a meeting about the contract he gets injured.

Or maybe BK gives him a red card and sends him away because he's come into the room two-footed or doing one of his famous stamp tackles that aren't really allowed. Maybe EFC have had to send away for some A4 sized Yellow card ? one giant yellow card ? to write the contract on. [I think I'm losing it!!!]
Steve Bryant
21   Posted 26/10/2011 at 13:50:03

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I tell you what though, when he does sign it's gonna be Belgian buns all round in my house!!
James Marshall
22   Posted 26/10/2011 at 14:13:46

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Contracts take ages because there's loads of legal bullshit, payments to agents, previous clubs, all sorts of shit to sort out. I don't claim to know the ins & outs but there's always hold-ups with contracts/legal issues. It's no big deal, just wait.

On the Fellaini thing ? he really does polarise opinion. Personally I think he's over-rated at best, flits in & out of games and can be dreadful. What does he actually bring to the team? That's the question I often ask myself. Physical presence ? Yes, but his passing can be woeful and he looks quite headless at times. He is only 23 though, and I think people forget that because of his size (and barnet). Does he set many up? No. Does he score many? No. So what is it he actually does then apart from running about a lot looking menacing?

Answers on a postcard.
Eugene Ruane
23   Posted 26/10/2011 at 15:16:49

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James (22) you say..

"Contracts take ages because there's loads of legal bullshit, payments to agents, previous clubs, all sorts of shit to sort out. I don't claim to know the ins & outs but there's always hold-ups with contracts/legal issues. Its no big deal, just wait".

Well...erm...yes I know there's all sorts of shite to sort out, but that's kind of my point - get it fucking sorted out.

I know I simplified it, but it's ultimately a 'yes' or a 'no' to an amount of money.

Plus if you adopt and accept the attitude of 'there's always hold-ups', nothing would ever change.

We know there's all sorts of shite, but as I say, there's no real reason it couldn't be done in a day or two IF there's the will to do so.

Also, saying 'it's no big deal' is too easy as it IS a big deal if the player's form is affected.

I'm truly baffled when I hear the deal is 'closer'.

I think..WHY?

What happened?

For me there is no 'closer', he's either signed or...he hasn't

It's fart-arsing about to a ridiculous degree and avoidable IF those involved know how to make decisions.
Jimmy Kelly
24   Posted 26/10/2011 at 15:39:24

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James, speaking to a group of Fulham fans after the game on Sunday they thought he had single handedly won us the game. One even claimed they should have man marked him.

Just goes to show, it really is all about opinions.

Personally I agree with Liam that he and Baines are way ahead of the rest of the squad, but I agree that he needs to put together more of a run of big performances.
Brian Waring
25   Posted 26/10/2011 at 16:19:15

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For me the lad still has a lot to prove, and he is way, way off being a top-quality player, but I reckon there is the makings of a top-quality player there somewhere.
Jimmy Sorheim
26   Posted 26/10/2011 at 22:38:20

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I think Rodwell and Fellaini are too alike. Theey dont have anything specialand cant brinng much to the goal department or assists either. It is sad as I think that Barkley should be prefered instead of one of these two. Fellaini has done quite poor , nothing special this season and until he signs a new contract he should start on the bench.
Eugene Ruane
27   Posted 26/10/2011 at 23:17:24

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Agree Jimmy - not arsed about Barkley's age, he's a better footballer now than the other two will ever be. Not a chance though. Mr Safe has to be forced into playing players.
Bob Skelton
28   Posted 27/10/2011 at 14:28:43

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You have to remember that in EFC vernacular anything defined as 'close to agreeing' means 'close to balls up'

Must think we are all 12 year daydreaming morons who believe all the ridiculous PR put out by this management.

Bye Bye Fellaini, you cost a lot, we'll get nothing back and it will take 18 months for you to go.

Roll on 'close to agreeing terms for Messi' ......
Wayne Smyth
29   Posted 27/10/2011 at 15:07:40

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Fellaini doesn't deserve the vast majority of the stick he's given.

He's called lazy, yet he probably covers more ground than most in our squad.

People accuse him of being unable to pass, yet his passes are consistently more accurate than others in our squad AND he passes forwards not just 5 yards sideways or backwards.

His natural game is as a defensive midfielder, and that is where he plays mostly, yet people criticise him for lack of assists and goals. How many goals did Claude Makelele score? Javier Mascherano?

I know, how about Michael Essien, because we all know he's probably one of the best midfielders around AND he's got a bloody decent shot on him.....Well Fellaini has scored 11 Goals in 79 league appearances for us. Essien scored 17 in 149 league appearances in a vastly more expensive and successful Chelsea side. Fellaini's goal record is clearly much better.

Fellaini always tries to play the game the way most of us would like to see it played. Put the ball on the floor and pass it to a blue shirt. He's surrounded by a lot of headless chickens who consistently surrender possession and play hospital balls.

Fellaini had disciplinary problems adjusting to the premier league, and he has a gait and playing style which makes it easy - but incorrect - to criticise him as lazy.

I've no idea if he'll stay, but I suspect that any player with any ambition will look to leave, and he clearly has ambitions. Either way, he's the best midfielder we have by a country mile.
Robert Daniels
30   Posted 27/10/2011 at 20:17:09

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Wayne @ 29,

Spot on.

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