My choice for new manager: Some feller

by   |   24/11/2017  21 Comments  [Jump to last]

I think what's needed here is someone stating the bleeding obvious.

Any volunteers?

No...well, looks like it'll have to be me then.

So, as I say, some feller is definitely the man for me and I'll back him to the hilt.

Or...maybe I won't, depends how he does.

It’s a funny thing with managers, all we know for sure is that when it comes to picking the right man, we know fuck-all…for sure.

"Koeman's a great appointment...er...I mean shite!"

"Martinez is doing great...er...I mean Shite."

Supporters work themselves into a lather and turn themselves inside out over this feller or that, but re possible success/failure, they know next to nothing about what will happen (me included).

“He won the Jibrovian league six times!”

“Yeah but he got the sack from AK-47 and FC Borlbagg.”

Conclusion?

"Erm..well..."

There is simply no 'this plus that = the other.'

So re Everton, right now, the ‘evidence’ tells us the following..

Our 'what could happen next?' choices are very simple - we'll either pull ourselves out of the shite or sink further in.

Is there a manager who can guarantee the former?

No..but we (kind of) DO know the two things he'll need.

1) A bit of luck (good, obvs)

2) To be liked/respected by the squad*

And..that’s it really (well ok, of course there’s fitness and a plan etc, BUT if they hate his guts or think he’s a nob-head, they won’t listen so..).

Never forget the following..

Ranieri lost the Greece job after his side were beaten by a few gozzy-eyed inbreds who live on a rock in the North Atlantic.

Who’d want a hopeless loser like THAT as their manager..right?

His next job was manager of relegation candidates Leicester and…they won the fucking PL title.

Oh sure NOW people can rationalise it, but the only thing it should tell you is - I repeat - no one knows a fucking thing.

So right now, I don’t give a fuck about what our next manager has or hasn’t done.

What leagues/cups he's won, who he's managed or how many times he's been sacked.

I’ll take anyone who OUR players like/respect and/or who is thought of as lucky.

Oh actually there is ONE thing I know.

A couple of wins on the bounce vastly increases the confidence of ANY struggling side.

And that confidence means more confidence and maybe a few more wins and maybe less defeats and maybe a better league position and..

Well, you get the idea (I know, stating the obvious but sometimes it needs stating)

So right now, imo, we’re looking for anyone (ANYFUCKINGONE!) who can give us two wins on the bounce.

“Yeah but WHO?”

No idea, like I say, some feller (Joe Royle** would be my choice, but as I say, anyone the players will respond to).

“Is there anything you DO fucking know?”

Honestly, like you, not much for sure, but I don't think ALL the players we bought are "fucking shite!!" (nb: their past performances for other clubs tells me that) so would hope that the next person in can get them performing close to their best.

Oh and I know the next three games are very very VERY important.

Up the Toffees!

* Understand some would respond "FUCK THEM, THEY'RE ON 80K A FUCKING WEEK, THEY SHOULD..." but now isn't the time to be completely unrealistic. As frustrating/annoying as it is, if they're miserable, chances are we are too.

** How come Royle, a smart man (good psychologist) and a winning manager and player with Everton wasn't (seemingly) even considered for the role?

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Reader Comments (21)

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John Keating
1 Posted 24/11/2017 at 18:34:13
Eugene,

I know the ending!!!!! Fuck them, they're on £80k a fucking week, they should "be waterboarded"?

Sounds good and something that should be seriously considered at USM Finch Farm asap.

As you say though, I think What's His Name would be great for us just now.

Dave Abrahams
2 Posted 24/11/2017 at 19:45:21
Nice to see you back Eugene, by the way Joe has been helping our present manager for the last few weeks, but you knew that Eugene didn't you.
Eugene Ruane
3 Posted 24/11/2017 at 20:20:40
Just been busy Dave # 2 but still look in every day.

I know Joe's 'getting on' etc, but have always felt he has a bit more up here (taps temple) than most and it's possible that what's needed right now is something a little more imaginative (smarter?) than "Maybe I'll change them two for these two."

Not having a dig at Unsworth, but whatever he's doing, it's plainly not working (appreciate he hasn't had much time but caretaker managers rarely do).

Dave Abrahams
4 Posted 24/11/2017 at 20:48:06
I think it will be hard for anyone who comes in. The squad is large but very unbalanced, no leaders in it, three centre-backs but no real confidence in any pairing of them, even when Funes Mori is fit again. Every opponent team looks bigger and fitter.

I'd better stop there Eugene I'm depressing myself never mind anybody else, whoever comes in I just hope they keep us up.

Andy Crooks
5 Posted 24/11/2017 at 21:02:25
Eugene Ruane, it is good to see you back because, by fuck we need some wit and insight. Do you think we are in danger of relegation? I know you are a match going blue and the view of you and your mates would be interesting.
Chris Gordon
6 Posted 24/11/2017 at 21:02:28
Mate, we could have Alex fucking Ferguson in charge and we'd still be shite. The squad is old, unbalanced, no pace, no width, no guile, no pace.

We're teetering on the edge of oblivion, the people responsible are Walsh and Koeman principally. Moshiri may be a wealthy businessman who is willing to bank roll the club, however, what he knows about football is extremely debatable.

Ash Moore
7 Posted 24/11/2017 at 21:07:09
I suspect Joe ruled himself out, Eugene. He is nearly 70 and the stress and demands of the job might be too much.
Eugene Ruane
8 Posted 24/11/2017 at 21:40:45
Andy # 5, well yes, relegation is certainly a possibility.

You know that thing pundits say when they talk about a team and add "No they're too good to go down" try saying 'Everton', then say it.

Exactly, doesn't work.

Because of our lack of centre-forwards (or 'striking options' if you prefer Sky-talk) after we lost at home to Spurs, it didn't just feel like a whupping you could shrug off, because you knew that it'll be 2018 before we can buy and bed in 'new blood.'

I've walked away from Goodison a hundred times thinking "Well that was shite but next week Royle/Latch/Sharpie/Duncan will..."

The difference now is that we're (basically) relying on DCL and Niasse to score enough goals to keep in touch until then (they both work hard but..)

This by the way with a defence playing with a naivety and lack of understanding that seems guaranfuckingteed to let goals in.

It's not easy to remain 'cool' right now but right now is exactly when we have to.

Ash # 7 you're probably right re Joe's age. (although something tells me his cholesterol level probably safer than Unsworths).

Steve Ferns
9 Posted 24/11/2017 at 23:08:43
Nice to see you back mate. Good post.
Jay Harris
10 Posted 24/11/2017 at 23:15:15
Nice to have you back, Eugene.

We certainly need your humour amongst the other jokes we're seeing as managerial candidates.

Steve Pugh
11 Posted 24/11/2017 at 23:27:18
I heard a rumour that if Some Fellar gets the job then That Bloke, the striker with Them Lot will sign in January.

At least that's what the bird in the pub said and her 'Arl Man knows a bookie who said the odds are going to be slashed.

Gerry Killen
12 Posted 25/11/2017 at 06:55:09
Chris Gordon (#6), you are mostly right when you talk of who to blame, but by god you missed out the main culprit – Boys Pen Bill!! How could anyone sell our top scorer without a replacement in mind?

How could he oversee Koeman buying more midfielders –and then bringing in his favourite son, Rooney! Any plans Koeman may have had went out the window in the Summer...

Add the ridiculous chase for Sigurdsson, which made us the laughing stock of the Premier League. While he and his Yes-men (& woman) are running things, we will never get anywhere.

This Club, my Club, our club needs decisive action from our owner to sort this mess out... Anyway, good luck on Sunday. COYB

Ian Hollingworth
13 Posted 25/11/2017 at 10:31:36
Spot on, we know fuck all.

Sadly for us, the ones that should know and who make the decisions, know even less than fuck all.

Conclusion = were fucked.

John G Davies
14 Posted 25/11/2017 at 10:35:52
It's O'Neill.

That's me done.

Eugene Ruane
15 Posted 25/11/2017 at 13:14:04
John # 14 - "That's me done."

Really?

You think O'Neill is loads more useless than other names mentioned?

As I say, there's nobody out there who, with this present squad, can guarantee us what we need most right now – basically a couple of back-to-back wins.

I believe (for reasons given in OP) it's basically a lottery and what happens in our (immediate) future will be more down to luck than design.

So O'Neil, Big Sam, Pulis or Ranieri, (the late Idi Amin, a Dalek, a couple of carrots..) experience surely tells us our only choice is simply wait and see and hope like fuck whoever gets the job is someone the players like/respect (and hope it's someone dead jammy).

(Obviously I'm not serious about a couple of carrots... unless the choice is a couple of carrots or Moyes.)

Clive Rogers
16 Posted 25/11/2017 at 14:51:42
Actually, Eugene, you may well be wrong. In these transgender days how can you be sure it will be a feller?
Clive Rogers
17 Posted 25/11/2017 at 15:26:24
I like the sound of the Dalek .EXTERMINATE
Brian Denton
18 Posted 25/11/2017 at 15:43:05
Welcome back, Eugene. Watch out for John Daley – he's after your crown.

Me? I'd go for Some Bloke – he's a better bet than Some Feller. And Mr Fella has asked me to tell you to spell his surname correctly in future.

Dave Lynch
19 Posted 25/11/2017 at 15:57:27
Like I said in another post: "I don't give a fuck anymore."

I watch us with the same mindset as a man on death row who's just eaten his last meal and is waiting for the inevitable.

Dave Abrahams
20 Posted 25/11/2017 at 16:08:23
Dave (19) that man would be praying for a last minute reprieve, that's what I want, a reprieve from the man who has been a curse on Everton since he got on the board, Kenwright. The nicest thing I could say about him is: He is a fuckin' jinx.
John G Davies
21 Posted 27/11/2017 at 08:13:48
Yes Eugene really.

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