Column Phil Neville: victim of bad poetry Pete Mantin 02/12/2007 7comments | Jump to last This poem?s for Phil, a bitter - sweet pill For all those the Blues who do follow. Derby day tragedy, Footballing agony, In heartache and misery they?ll wallow First blood to the Blues, remarkable news, Some said it was rather jammy. It was scored by a Red, An own goal they said, Alas, one nil, poor Sami A moment of madness resulting in sadness, began when Hibbert briefly wandered, unaware indeed, of the one nil lead, his challenge would prove to have squandered A foot race with Steven, a contest uneven, Tony lost it by half a yard. The ref was on hand, With a gesture so grand He reached for a yellow card. And then a surprise, a delight for Red eyes, Could it just be that something was said? The ref was offended Gerrard was upended And the card turned out to be red. Up stepped Dirk Kuyt, he gave it a clout And thus he had levelled the scoring. Was he saint or sinner, Loser or winner? This match was anything but boring. Enter Dave Moyes, to rally the boys No sight could ever be scarier. The man was inspired, No time to be tired As he prowled the technical area. Introducing Phil Neville, his head calm and level, His aim was to start an attack. Dirk flew through the air, An ugly affair, And poor Phil was flat on his back. Tempers were frayed, prostrate poor Phil laid But ref Clattenburg was exceedingly mellow. Jaws dropped in surprise Tears welled in Blue eyes The decision was not red but yellow. Then drama unfolded as Rafa exploded. Had he insulted royalty? He?d done something worse, Risked a Scouse curse, He?d only subbed Stevie G! With just minutes to go, Phil managed to show He was human and not bionic. A shot from Brazil Was handled by Phil How dreadfully sad and ironic. And then at the death, we all held our breath There was no time for tea and a Battenburg Lescott fell lame Was Carragher to blame? We awaited the verdict of Mark Clattenburg. With his neat dark hair and schoolmasterly air Mark was hardly one of the ravers, But with eyesight like that Was he blind as a bat Or should he have gone to Specsavers? Reader Comments Note: the following content is not moderated or vetted by the site owners at the time of submission. Comments are the responsibility of the poster. Disclaimer Michael Kenrick 1 Posted 02/12/2007 at 23:12:00 Report abuse Ah... that’s brilliant, Pete. Now if you could just churn one out for every game, and on a slightly faster timeframe, we could do away with my match reports! Connor Rohrer 2 Posted 02/12/2007 at 23:50:01 Report abuse Quality absolute quality Pete. Keep it up. Keith Glazzard 3 Posted 02/12/2007 at 23:28:11 Report abuse Let?s have a bit of the milk of human kindness here for those unfortunate bastards who have to work for Beneathus and the like, in verse -I speak of the two footed KuyntSo brave and chivalrous heWhose honour was questionedWhen he was called yellowBy an old,blind, bent referee.And when braveheart Davey objectedHe made clear his suspicion to allThrough TV and papersIn the plainest of wordsThe FA?s response was fuck all.to be continued - unless you?re very careful. Tony Gee 4 Posted 03/12/2007 at 16:13:27 Report abuse Some people have far too much spare time.... Ed Casey 5 Posted 03/12/2007 at 20:39:59 Report abuse Date of derby - 20 October 2007Date of publication of ?Phil Neville? - 2 December2007 Total days to write poem - 43!There's nothing like keeping things topical! Teresa Green 6 Posted 05/12/2007 at 13:26:33 Report abuse There once was a team wearing blueWho recently have been playing pooBut under the vision of Moyesand some crowd making noisethey're sticking together like glue. Michael Kenrick 7 Posted 05/12/2007 at 14:26:41 Report abuse "Teresa Green" - Please stop posting under different names. Thanks ? Ed © ToffeeWeb