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NICK ARMITAGE COLUMN

Aussie Rules

By Nick Armitage :  23/10/2009 :  Comments (4) :

There are many rules in life but if you follow these three, it won’t hurt.

  1. Tequila and or Sambuca may be a good idea, but you will pay for it
  2. The prize for best fancy dress costume of the night always goes to a man in a dress
  3. If you play competitive sports keep your eye on any Australians

I was talking to a man I know, in fact I talk to this man on a regular basis, and he is well in the know in the game of football. Anyway this man who I know was talking to a man who was apparently a bit of a Psycho in his day. This Psycho lost the plot a bit after scoring a penalty at Euro 96. If you know who Psycho is, then you will know he was an authority on dishing it out to the opposition.

Unsurprisingly this conversation was about football. The subject moved on to the dirtiest player in the Premiership. It so transpired that Psycho was under the impression, that it was widely acknowledged that the dirtiest player in the Premiership is a certain Australian called Tim Cahill.

Evertonians have known for years that Tim Cahill is as dirty as a dog’s arse, but that level of recognition in the game means a lot. Now I don’t know about you, but that brings a warm glow to my heart.

I remember when we snotted the shite 3-0 a few seasons back. My one abiding memory of that game is not Andy Johnson, but the build up to Johnson’s first. As AJ slotted, Tim Cahill was just letting Xabi Alonso rise to his feet after getting him in a virtual headlock and pounding his head into the turf in full view Bullens. Cahill was a nightmare to Liverpool for the whole game.

But that was then.

As well as getting stuck in and riling opposition, the other one of Cahill’s best attributes is his ability to ghost in late unseen. The problem of late, is that he is unseen all over the pitch. I don’t know whether it is his deeper position or the players around him but he appears to have fallen off the radar. He missed two gilt-edged chances against Wolves when you’d have wagered your monthly pay packet on him netting and wheeling away to punch a corner flag.

Without Arteta, Cahill is our main man but at the moment, for some reason, he doesn’t appear to be playing by his own rules.

Reader Comments

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Dick Fearon
1   Posted 23/10/2009 at 22:54:46

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Nick, the problem is that Cahill’s goals have papered over the fact that for too long we have no one else in that department.

Yakubu and Vic went off the boil well before sustaining their injuries. Writers to this site were suggesting they were angling for transfers. To look upon either as our saviours is a sign of sheer desperation. Then we have Osman who cannot kick his way out of a wet paper bag and falls over in the wind. I can’t think of anyone else who might be classed as a potential goalscorer.

The closest would be Lescott yet most of his goals and those of others were from set pieces while defenders were concentrating on Cahill.

If a fancy though innefective dribbler is what you want then stick with Osman. Had it not been for Cahill’s input over the past few years God knows where we would have ended up. Tim may have lost his goal scoring ability... hopefully only a tempory blip... but the fact that no one else is banging them in is not so much a reflection on Tim as it is on the rest.

Nick Entwistle
2   Posted 24/10/2009 at 00:21:32

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1, Never date a girl who’s arse is bigger than her tits.

2, Never watch Schindler’s List stoned.

3, Never trust a stranger who starts a conversation with ’My friend...’
Dick Fearon
3   Posted 24/10/2009 at 04:08:20

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Nick, you should replace Schindler with writing to Toffeeweb as your number two. Nonetheless, I guess your words of advice were learned through personal experience and. I shall bear them in mind to the end of my days.
Stephen Graham
4   Posted 25/10/2009 at 04:49:06

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In response to Nick, and to learn from MY mistakes:

1. Never go out with a girl who tells you "I’m just a crazy girl."

2. Never get really drunk the night before an important presentation.

3. When someone says "Trust me on this.", don’t.

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