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Season 2011-12
The Mail Bag

An Ode to Denis

 50 Comments: First  |  Last

Strange how the muse takes you sometimes. Watched the game last night and haven't stopped smiling since, but woke up this morning with this in my head so I thought I'd share it.

Who knows, perhaps a new career beckons as the official Everton poet... or perhaps not.

Tonight in bars
they'll talk for hours
On the blue side of the Mersey
Of the Argentine
Who led the line
Of Denis Stracqualursi

Twas a second start
For the lionheart
Who, in truth, is no Van Persie
But Goodison stood, as indeed they should
And acknowledged Stracqualursi

Because when they say
Who, on this day
Brought honour to the royal blue jersey?
The misty eyed, will recall with pride
One Denis Stracqualursi

His painful falls
And hopeful balls
And tackling without mercy
With lungs on fire, he refused to tire
Did Denis Stracqualursi

The auspicious cast
Of glories past
would surely not cry "heresy!"
If heroes, new,
Were added to
With the name of Stracqualursi
Andy Powell, Dalmally/Argyll     Posted 01/02/2012 at 12:28:10

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Nick Entwistle
608   Posted 01/02/2012 at 14:33:33

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Normally I groan at the thought of amateur poetry. Even just poetry. But that was alright that!
Geoff Trenner
614   Posted 01/02/2012 at 14:48:35

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Andy, don't give up the day job but actually that's not bad.
Matthew Tait
616   Posted 01/02/2012 at 14:50:43

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Ha! Actually, that's very good, could so easily have been awful. Great stuff sir!
Jamie Barlow
618   Posted 01/02/2012 at 14:50:48

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Very good Andy, I like it.
Tom Fazal
640   Posted 01/02/2012 at 15:28:56

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Brought a smile - well done.
Keith Glazzard
652   Posted 01/02/2012 at 15:34:32

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Good one Andy, praise deserved
For showing a touch of the Tennyson
Hope that soon you repeat the feat
Finding rhymes for Croation
Tony Cheek
660   Posted 01/02/2012 at 16:02:24

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Nice one Andy,,,like it, a lot!!
Simon Lloyd
662   Posted 01/02/2012 at 16:01:36

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Genius Andy, genius. Love the Van Persie verse.
Colin Potter
669   Posted 01/02/2012 at 16:21:39

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Great stuff Andy,
Joe McParland
678   Posted 01/02/2012 at 16:35:32

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Not normally a poetry fan but think this is brilliant.
Matthew Lovekin
681   Posted 01/02/2012 at 17:03:14

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Eric Holland
682   Posted 01/02/2012 at 17:02:55

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Yes Andy great read made me smile, and the Strac ran his heart out.
Mike Allison
692   Posted 01/02/2012 at 17:19:48

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Excellent ability to consistently find rhymes for Stracqualursi, so a little disappointed by the last verse. Otherwise I stand by my Philistine outlook that all poetry is shit.
Kevin Jones
697   Posted 01/02/2012 at 17:18:06

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Very good Andy a bit like Andrew Motion, while mines like something passed in a motion

So get down to Goodisn or new hero to see

He's not scared of crosses he's Dracqualursi.

Alright I'll get me feckin coat
Nick Entwistle
699   Posted 01/02/2012 at 17:25:25

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Mersey - Persie - Jersey - Mercy - Heresy - Stracqualursi.

Got a point there Mike!
Brian Hill
705   Posted 01/02/2012 at 17:37:06

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Mike Allison,

You are so right
All poetry is shite
I say that without mercy
The exception being
And I hope you're seeing
Poems about Stracqualursi
Peter Webster
707   Posted 01/02/2012 at 17:49:46

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William McGonagall's spinning in his grave as we speak. Love the sentiment though, well done.
Keith Glazzard
734   Posted 01/02/2012 at 19:03:09

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Peter - I sugest you go back to the McGonagall - the poet and tragedian of Dundee - in the original to compare his style to that of Andy Powell of Argyll. Far removed.

I welcome any culturally uplifting contribution to this site.

Come to think of it, I welcome anything uplifting to this site. Let's see what happens at Wigan.
Andy Crooks
741   Posted 01/02/2012 at 19:36:06

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Andy,when I saw the title of this post I feared the worst. Not as bad as I feared and believe me that;s high praise. Has anyone every checked the daily poem in the Mail? It is actually much worse than anything else in the paper. Andy,I reckon you could get published there. Good fun,well done.

Andrew Gilbert
753   Posted 01/02/2012 at 20:19:36

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Well done. Nice.
Peter Norris
756   Posted 01/02/2012 at 20:36:48

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Nice one, Andy.

How about one to the tune of the Adams family (copywright MViz)

His name is Argie Denis
He comes from Buenos Aries
He's uglier than Tevez
He's Stracqualursi

Boom boom
Steve Burgess
760   Posted 01/02/2012 at 20:49:30

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Most poetry is wank
So Andy, I must thank
For making his ditty
Amusing and not shitty

(needs a bit of work - Andy, any tips?)
Martin Handley
761   Posted 01/02/2012 at 20:56:34

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Here's a note to a lad called Billy
Not to sign Denis would just be silly
But don't give Moyesey to much dosh
Cos he may sign another Rusky who's a load of old tosh!
David Hallwood
766   Posted 01/02/2012 at 21:12:05

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Must've got much sleep last night Andy! But keep 'em cummin'
Gerry Quinn
769   Posted 01/02/2012 at 21:23:28

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Very impressed indeed, Andy, excellent - how about waking up tomorrow and making one up about Count Stracula - the goal-thirsty centre-forward? :)
Peter Webster
776   Posted 01/02/2012 at 21:39:00

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Keith. Yeah, maybe comparing Andy's effort to McGonagall was a bit harsh. Not exactly a panegyric but far from doggerel.

Stracqualursi's the Argie up front
On whom Moysie decided a punt
He soon displaced Frenchie
Who sat on the benchie
Now we've shipped out the soft, lazy..

well, you get the general gist of it.

Peter Webster
782   Posted 01/02/2012 at 22:03:51

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Into the box a big man comes
And shows the foe no mercy
Who is this guy
Who leaps so high?
It's Denis Stracqualursi

At times he looks like Ferguson
You know, good old Sir Dunc
And then he scores
And has a cry
Jesus! who'd have thunk?

I'll stop now.

Serious question, guys. Who does Round speak to on his Captain Scarlet microphone headset?
Andy Powell
794   Posted 01/02/2012 at 22:39:44

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Ha Ha. Thanks for all the feedback fellas - I fear I may have unleashed a monster here, but keep waxing lyrical it's made for an entertaining evening. Oh, wait, I feel a Fellaini haiku coming on... nurse, the screens!
Mick MacManus
800   Posted 01/02/2012 at 22:57:12

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Good one Andy. I have to say I really do enjoy the good standard of written english as the norm on Toffeeweb, rightly encouaged by the editoral policy (i.e. no text speak, proper sentence structure etc.).

It makes the day to day contributions and debates far more articulate than most, if not all other football forum sites. We were all brought up to write proper, eh?!!
Mick MacManus
801   Posted 01/02/2012 at 23:12:50

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Good 1 andy. i have 2 say i really do Njoy da gud standard of writtin english as da norm on TW, ritely Ncouraged by da ed pol (ie no txt speak, proper sentence structure etc)

It makes da day 2 day contributions n deebates far more articulate dan most, if not all udder football forum sites. we wer all brought up to right proper, ehhh?!!
Adrian Seal
806   Posted 01/02/2012 at 23:36:35

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Love it Andy...and it would be great if Strac actually gets to read/hear it!
I think things may be picking up for us. I sense a real hope and pride in the blue boys now that has been sadly lacking all season.
I live in Manchester and it has been interesting to see the 'citeh' fans reaction to last nights result; I've even heard calls for Mancini to be sacked!
Strac and Jelly up front has a great ring to it...I live in hope.

Derek Thomas
818   Posted 02/02/2012 at 00:39:14

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Ode to Denis- The Argentinian Dave Hickson, send a copy to that lazy lead swinger Saha.( or is 'Arry not a wheeler and dealer, something not right there.)
Keith Glazzard
821   Posted 02/02/2012 at 00:35:13

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Fellaini haiku? No problem -

Great big Belgian lad
box to box he runs all day
strong of foot and head

I suggest this be read with a broad lowland Scots accent to qualifyfor the serious Burns category as well.
Keith Glazzard
824   Posted 02/02/2012 at 00:55:31

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Adrian - thanks for the idea. When I get a couple of hours free I'll see if Andy's poem translates - easily enough I doubt - into Spanish. Then somehow we'll get the original and a bog-standard Spanish version to Finch Farm, if Andy agrees.

Esta noche en en las cantinas variosas
van a charlar muhas horas
al lado del real Mersey azul
del lider de la linea Argentino
Stracqualursi, hero.

Anyone care to pitch in?
Adam Fenlon
826   Posted 02/02/2012 at 01:28:48

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For your next project, I suggest explaining Hibbert's great shift at the back via the underused medium of interpretive dance!
Jamie Sweet
828   Posted 02/02/2012 at 01:40:18

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I'm fairly new to the concept of the haiku, but thought I'd give it a go:

Big man with big hair,
With big heart and touch of flair,
He make Manc pricks cry.
Brian Williams
833   Posted 02/02/2012 at 02:26:59

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I didn't realise they allowed inmates the use of PC's :-)
Martin Mason
834   Posted 02/02/2012 at 02:42:32

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I really hope he doesn't have a bad game this weekend.

Knowing Moyse he'll be dropped anyway or played in midfield
Tommy Gourlay
898   Posted 02/02/2012 at 10:18:40

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Fantastic poem, Andy.

@Keith Glazzard #652

Rhymes with "Croatian"? How about "Squad Rotation" (the reason Denis will be given this weekend for being dropped to the bench for Jelavic....unless Moyes goes with 2 up-front....)
Alan McGuffog
901   Posted 02/02/2012 at 10:23:03

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Superb Andy, worthy of Flann O'Brien (A pint of plain is your only man). Any more in the pipeline?

In the late 50s, we had a guy on the books called Lunt... no, maybe not.
Daniel A Johnson
914   Posted 02/02/2012 at 12:07:44

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In the heart of Transylvania,
In the Vampire Hall of Fame, yeah,
There's not a vampire zanier than...

He won't bite beast or man,
'Cos he's a vegetarian. (Aaaagh!)
And things never run to plan for...

If you're looking for some fun,
You can always count upon,
Come and find the one they call...

Tony J Williams
915   Posted 02/02/2012 at 12:16:41

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I think the lads in the lower Gwladys tried to start a song about him but it was too quiet.

It ended with "but your name is too long"

Anyone hear the full version?

You need to add a verse about his attempt to head the ball on the ground, no matter what happens, that will be my outstanding memory of him
Ray Roche
916   Posted 02/02/2012 at 12:26:06

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"There was a young girl in a punt....."
Andy Powell
917   Posted 02/02/2012 at 12:08:31

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Now look, the Fellaini haiku thing was just a joke, but since I seem to have, unwittingly, thrown down some weird linguistic gauntlet that has been grabbed with both hands by some worthy wordsmiths, I suppose I'd better respond, so how about:

Marouane, ah
There's a man
My blue drug of choice
Fine purchase by Moyes


Full bodied, good head
Deceptively potent
Yet still an acquired taste

Or perhaps two that should be read together:

Oh loping, affroed
Belgian colossus
All elbows, vision and guile

Bestriding the turf
Controlling midfield;
Beware his crocodile smile

So Keith, what price a Piennar sonnet?
Tommy Gourlay
967   Posted 02/02/2012 at 15:44:47

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My ears didn't want the plural
Barry alone to them's cruel
Kostas Manolas....
Keith Glazzard
998   Posted 02/02/2012 at 17:45:59

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Thanks lads for getting in there with the right spirit. I woke up today worried stiff that I'd been the only one celebrating the victory overlong in the time-honoured 'in vino collapso' manner.

Pienaar sonnet? I feel a 'Shall I compare thee..' coming on, but not perhaps til he brings Leighton back into the game.

Good fun. And I really think the Straq would be very pleased to receive the original.
Dean Peamum
223   Posted 03/02/2012 at 14:57:37

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Roses are red, though not necessarily so
Violets are... violet, as the name tells us so
They both come in many colours, including blue
Just like Denis Stracqualursi, Moyes, me and you
Andy Powell
237   Posted 03/02/2012 at 16:23:24

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Keith, I'd be honoured to forward my original to Denis ? not quite sure how to go about that though, if you've got any contacts then be my guest. Had thought I might get to perform it at the annual awards to celebrate his being player of the year, you never know.

Thanks for not pointing out the schoolboy error with my haikus, I'll maybe rework them properly if I can be bothered.

Dean, just surreal!
Barry Rathbone
265   Posted 03/02/2012 at 21:17:44

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Great stuff Andy, hope you don't mind me having a go.

We were flat on our back
with no hope of attack
and the famed number 9 on the floor

In the dark of the night
came the fearsome sight
of a man to make Goodison roar

Never lay down, never give up
every beat of his heart cried out
and those who saw, knew dixie of yore
would be proud of our argentine champ.

So get on your feet all you blues on the street
cheer the hero who never steps back
call loudly his name we need more of the same
he is ours, the lion heart "Straq".
Mike Hughes
479   Posted 04/02/2012 at 19:33:52

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They came across the East Lancs Road
City millionaires to swagger
But they cacked their pants
And died by the lance
In the hands of our El Traca

Then came leaden skies
And the Wigan pies
Meant he only lasted an hour
Before a sub came on and need I say more?
The rest was sodding dour

But at least there is hope
Not a noose made of rope
Or six bullets filling the barrel
And at least we can smile
Because less than a mile
There's an overpaid brickie called Carroll

(Apologies to all - this is my first and last TW poem)

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