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Season 2011-12
The Mail Bag

Everton to finish 4th shock!

 40 Comments: First  |  Last

After the fun and frolics of Transfer Deadline Day (TDD), I went to bed with a sense of confusion, bewilderment and, yes, foreboding. However, I woke up this morning with an unrealistic and unexpected feeling of excitement (and no, I?m not talking "morning glory" here).

Now I can?t remember getting knocked on me noggin in the middle of the night. I can?t discount it though because it is the only plausible explanation of what I thought on awaking (and still currently believe). Yes, you heard it hear first? Everton WILL finish 4th and march gloriously into the Champions League in 2012 (drawing Villarreal in the preliminary round notwithstanding!).

Actually there is a scintilla of logic in this apparently bonkers assertion. Let me present the thrust of my discourse:?

Top 3 (in no particular order): Chelsea, Man Utd and Man City. I think we can all agree on that. So the rest of the Premier League are playing for 4th place (the best of the rest). So why us?

Well, my argument is not "why us?" but "why not them?" So let me go through the "why not thems", the arguments against, one by one:?

The Orc Army opposite (led by Kenny "Sauron" Dalgleish) ? (Probably favourites now for 4th) ? 1) Too many 1st-Teamers to keep satisfied; 2) Craig Bellamy!! 3) Prone to dodgy defending.

Arsenal ? 1) In meltdown; 2) Weaker in midfield, the one area they were strong last year.

Tottenham Hotspur ? 1) Modric (their Lescott); 2) Won?t score enough goals; 3) Bale has been sussed (fact, according my inside source).

Aston Villa ? 1) I?ve never liked them (don?t know why); 2) Defensively dodgy (similar to "prone to dodgy defending" as above).

Sunderland ? 1) Two words ? Nicklas Bendtner.

Newcastle ? 1) Two words ? Mike Ashley (makes Wor Billy look vaguely competent).

Stoke ? 1) Too many new signings to integrate quickly.

I?ll stop there because I?m sure you get the picture. Basically the Premier League is "shoite" and therefore it?s ours for the taking... if...

  • Drenthe can be motivated and resurrected in a Pienaar-esque style;
  • Big Denis hits the ground running and bangs ?em in from Day 1
  • Little Ross Barkley develops
  • The Grim Ligament Reaper doesn?t come a-visiting
And that?s all there is to it? 4th place is in the bag. This theory will be validated on the 10th when we wop the Villans (or not, as the case may be).

If, in the meantime, I do discover evidence of a nocturnal nutting and get treated as a result, I?ll let you know and please ignore all of the above.


Alun Willis, Woking     Posted 01/09/2011 at 22:45:23

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Chris Bannantyne
1   Posted 02/09/2011 at 06:27:57

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Haha. I like it.

I think you must have been concussed but good effort all the same.

Kenwright Out!
Dave Wilson
2   Posted 02/09/2011 at 06:34:36

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Thats great news Al

After the first two games (and Wednesday) I was beginning to think my bet was looking a tad ambitious
Rahman Talib
3   Posted 02/09/2011 at 06:45:34

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Kudos on one of the best articles I've read on TW ever.

People were counting on us getting relegated back then, yet we finished 4th.
Keith Edmunds
4   Posted 02/09/2011 at 07:05:50

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I'm pumped.
Karl Jones
5   Posted 02/09/2011 at 07:21:02

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4th from bottom maybe
Stephen Kenny
6   Posted 02/09/2011 at 07:37:43

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At least now we've got a reason to hoof 60 yarders up the pitch. I just hope that much like our last good target man Denis the Menace(You heard it here first) is a bit radio rental!

While I hate route 1 if your gonna do it you should do it right!

As long as we try a bit of football before the inevitable I'll be happy.
Mike Green
7   Posted 02/09/2011 at 08:30:57

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Alun - I lost £100 last season down to this kind of rationale and wont be sucked in again! Go and hide your wallet and dont touch it until November.
Adam Fenlon
8   Posted 02/09/2011 at 08:44:28

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I wish we had either "Too many 1st-Teamers to keep satisfied" or "Too many new signings to integrate quickly." Instead we're in the basket of having effectively no competition for most places in the squad and only a few injuries away from having to play youth-teamers in key positions.
Nick Entwistle
9   Posted 02/09/2011 at 09:07:23

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Pretty weak reasoning on Liverpool, though I would add a team of non-entities to the list. But our list would be so much longer. Not saying its not going to happen but be realistic. And being realistic is realising just because you would like it to happen doesn't mean it will. Still, nice and positive this post. Makes a change. If only there wasn't a stupid international break tomorrow.
Ben Howard
10   Posted 02/09/2011 at 09:28:57

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Song for the terraces:

"We signed a massive Tevez, we signed a massive Tevez, La La La La Oi, La La La La Oi! His name is fu©*ing Denis, His name is fu©*ing Denis, La La La La Oi, La La La La Oi!"
Ray Robinson
11   Posted 02/09/2011 at 09:23:45

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I don't even agree on your top 3! Think Kenny's lot will get 3rd. So, not much chance of us getting 4th - would have to finish above Chelsea. I think 8th to 10th more likely and if there's a real goal drought, 4th from bottom is a real possibility.

I do admire an optimist though!
John Ford
12   Posted 02/09/2011 at 09:28:02

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Im loving this!

....did you have one of them dream catchers above your bed? You could share it and spread the positive vibes.

.....Donovan in the January window, then we sweep all before us!!!!
Tom Owen
13   Posted 02/09/2011 at 09:24:58

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Great post it got me smiling this morning! I like how you think when you're concussed maybe if we do the same to Moyes then we could have a chance!
Dave Roberts
14   Posted 02/09/2011 at 09:24:58

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Jeez I knew I'd feel better today! All that melancholy for nowt. It is a bit like the season after Rooney left....expecting the worst and getting the best (at least positionwise) we've had for years.

Don't write the shite off so easily though. One thing they do have is a winning mentality that covers up for a lot of the crap they put on the pitch. From a distance it can look like luck, which I guess sometimes it is. They always manage to cobble something together in adversity.
Andy Rowlands
15   Posted 02/09/2011 at 09:42:41

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Liking the optimisming Alun. Those 'if's are pretty big though. We live in hope...COYB

Saw Martin Keown was going OTT on Barkley. If he has a good season I can see the vultures circling next summer.
Craig Walker
16   Posted 02/09/2011 at 09:46:11

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I admire your optimism but do you remember the 2010 pre-season? Evertonians were arguing a case for us to win the league.

There's 3 certainties in life: death, taxes and Everton will always let you down when you expect them to do well.
Dick Fearon
17   Posted 02/09/2011 at 10:19:24

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Pessimism, pessimism, pessimism thats all we get here.
If you really are round the twist why not go a bundle on 1st place.
Mickey Rooney on his third bankruptcy said, 'May as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb.'
Mark Fitzgerald
18   Posted 02/09/2011 at 10:00:21

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After all the doom & gloom concerning our prospects, it's nice to see a positive (albeit rose tinted glasses) opinion. At the end of the day this is what we have now so lets do our best with the current crop. Expectations clearly are down which may not be a bad thing considering last season's misguided optimism.

Maybe Drenthe will be the pacy wide man that we've been crying out for? Maybe 'Stackanotherthing' will become the regular goalscorer that we desire. For me a huge influence will be Moyes's tactics going forward. He needs to get this ball of optimism rolling by reflecting it on the pitch!

Marc Williams
19   Posted 02/09/2011 at 10:29:55

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Glad to see Mr Ian Ross has a new name to post on Toffeeweb.

You forgot the bit about "getting in quick & buying those half season tickets at 'early bird prices'....Well we wouldn't want to miss a minute of our late push for Champions League qualification.
Robert Moore
20   Posted 02/09/2011 at 10:48:31

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Well said Alun Willis. I totally agree, hope you are correct.

COYB ? it can be done!!

Don Kiddick
21   Posted 02/09/2011 at 11:10:27

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There there now come on and take your medication
Ellen West
22   Posted 02/09/2011 at 11:21:27

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I totally agree Alun. 4th is plausible because during the 2011/2012 season, we will see Moysie unleash his secret weapon...

Araz Abdullayev!
Sam Morrison
23   Posted 02/09/2011 at 11:39:54

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I think we'll be ok this season. Moyes is at his best when he has something to be defiant about and when expectations are lowered. They couldn't be much lower than they are now, so I'm with Alun - in that we'll have a decent season. Not finishing 4th!
Alun Willis
24   Posted 02/09/2011 at 11:48:58

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Ellen @21 What with Abdullayev, Bilyanetdinov and Squacqualursi we we currently top the European Consonants League
Gerard Carey
25   Posted 02/09/2011 at 11:54:34

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Forget the morning glory, would settle for a little bit of afternoon glory. You know the type, we win by playing attacking fooball??!!. Mr.Moyes take note. Then again if I am hoping for that maybe I`m the one that got the bang on the head.
James Davies
26   Posted 02/09/2011 at 11:57:26

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Hmmm. Enjoyable. Not going to beat Liverpool or Tottenham to 4th though. Or Arsenal. I'm betting on 9th place this season. The last time I got it wrong was 08-09 when I wrongly bet on 6th place and instead we nudged 5th by a point.
Kevin Tully
27   Posted 02/09/2011 at 12:00:23

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Would'nt it be lovely if our free Argy scored more than £35m Carroll.

Royston will be a big hit, I am convinced he will shine like a star for 6 months, then go all shite.

At least we can freshen things up, we all knew what we would be watching before every game for the last couple of years. Actually looking forward to the Villa game now.

Matt Traynor
28   Posted 02/09/2011 at 12:01:13

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Alun, we'd win the Scrabble Champions League with that I think! We wanted a big name signing, we got it in Squacqualursi! Bloody shirt would cost a fortune!
Jay Harris
29   Posted 02/09/2011 at 12:47:25

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Stay concussed Alun.

It's a much better state of mind.

For the non concussed you've just named all the teams that will likely finish above us this season.

We've got 2 chances of finishing 4th.

A dog's chance and No chance.

Ciarán McGlone
30   Posted 02/09/2011 at 13:03:07

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I wonder what a supporter of any of those teams you negate, would write about our chances this season...

You've had a bang on the head alright..
Ellen West
31   Posted 02/09/2011 at 13:02:13

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Matt @28. Yes, I heard Moysie was after Ibrahim Ba, but Kenwright put his foot down and wanted him to concentrate on players like Blaszczykowski and Christodoulopoulos.
David Hallwood
32   Posted 02/09/2011 at 13:39:22

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Ellen#31, that's easy for you to say
Norman Merrill
33   Posted 02/09/2011 at 14:08:51

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Alun, can't say that i agree with all you say, but I must give you credit for brightening up my weekend.
The two new lads will have to bed in, but hopefully,
The rest of the squad will help them really feel at home, and let's start on Saturday 10th versus Villa.
We could do with getting all opts as our home record against them lacks a home win for some seasons.
Norman Merrill
34   Posted 02/09/2011 at 14:08:51

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Alun, can't say that i agree with all you say, but I must give you credit for brightening up my weekend.
The two new lads will have to bed in, but hopefully,
The rest of the squad will help them really feel at home, and let's start on Saturday 10th versus Villa.
We could do with getting all opts as our home record against them lacks a home win for some seasons.
Tony Waring
35   Posted 02/09/2011 at 15:57:00

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Matt 29. Just been on to the shop/marketing department. They say you can only have his name if you buy two shirts!
John McLoughlin
36   Posted 02/09/2011 at 17:52:28

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I'm all for being optimistic and unlike some i dont fear a relegation battle. However, we have no chance of a top 4 finish we had no chance before deadline day and now we are probably weaker. i hate to say it but 7th is the best we can achieve and top 10 more likely. thats what this current board have done, knock all hope out of fans
Andy Riley
37   Posted 02/09/2011 at 18:04:41

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Alun - think the only thing were likely to win a some sort of Premier League player names Scrabble championship!
Ian Smith
38   Posted 02/09/2011 at 18:38:45

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Keep taking the drugs fella
Dalziel Kane
39   Posted 02/09/2011 at 19:23:42

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Maybe you should put whatever you are on in a Can, and try to sell it..

It's not been the best of times just recent, but I can attest to a couple of things, such as this club will not finish in a Champions League berth or suffer the indignity of a relegation to the championship league. Keep things realistic and expect a no thrills season in the league and hope for some progression in the two cup domestics.
James Bundza
40   Posted 02/09/2011 at 22:38:28

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only 4th! man utd,chelsea and man city dont have our team spirit. fuck.. next year we will piss all over barca with our team, spirit.woah this shit is gooooood

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