He held off the challenge of runner-up Uwais Ahmed on the final day of the season to take the title, finishing first out of four-and-half million entrants.
Reader Comments (77)
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1 Posted 25/05/2017 at 01:11:33
I thought my 104,575 overall wasn't too shabby. My redshite friend spent the winnings from me winning our mini league. Well... we all know what kopites are!
2 Posted 25/05/2017 at 08:58:02
3 Posted 25/05/2017 at 09:03:17
4 Posted 25/05/2017 at 09:48:54
"Strategies". Fuck me.
Next week: "Ben Crabtree reveals the secret role his supportive wife, Mrs Crabtree, played in his stunning march to victory."
Week after: "Ben Crabtree's top 10 wily budget buys you should blow your pretend money on this transfer window"
Two weeks later: "Your chance to win a team selected by Ben Crabtree or Ben's loyal assistant Cocksmurf the cavalier King Charles spaniel.
Three months later: "Fantasy League winner Ben Crabtree found in hotel room with part-time hand model with a lazy eye, two large jars of pickled eggs, and a brand new iPhone 8. Bemoans the perils of life in the public eye and his pact with that bastard Faust".
Still, one man is all ears as he seeks to mastermind a barnstorming assault on the title (ok, the top six) next year.
He's coming for your crown Crabtree .
"Fook oaf. Ah'm nae paying that fae him!"
5 Posted 25/05/2017 at 14:49:22
6 Posted 25/05/2017 at 14:53:48
I always fought the good fight against Liverpool players but didn't manage to hold out.
I'll know for next season.
7 Posted 25/05/2017 at 14:55:31
8 Posted 25/05/2017 at 15:08:36
9 Posted 26/05/2017 at 13:45:25
I never have any RS or any ex RS in my fantasy team either.
11 Posted 27/05/2017 at 21:06:52
12 Posted 27/05/2017 at 21:17:31
13 Posted 27/05/2017 at 21:33:19
There are some very talented contributors on here. From the guys who talk tactics and know every player in Europe to those who know how one single comma can give sharp comic timing.
I come on here to be informed and entertained and I appreciate the entertainers.
14 Posted 27/05/2017 at 22:31:07
16 Posted 28/05/2017 at 00:35:35
Says Damian Wilde whose every post over the past 18 months or so can basically be boiled down to the word "Barkley" followed by a bilious rendition of this 'not banging on at all' riff:
17 Posted 28/05/2017 at 00:38:24
Dave Lynch with another of his err...uhm...shit nah, sorry, racking my brains here, but I can't recall anything written by your good self registering at all. Ever [deliberately snubs the opportunity to insert a 'David Lynch: Eraserhead' gag here].
Now I've seen what you're capable of though? Wow!! What have I been missing out on? Anyone who cleverly signals boredom by ingeniously stretching out the word 'yawn' is clearly a caustic wit well worth keeping an eye out for. Seriously, I can't wait to see what you'll come up with next.
Maybe you'll take it to the next level and start slapping "Not!!"on the end any disingenuous sentences to signify sarcasm? That would be both searingly original and so, so funny.
n.b: Still, at least I now know how Stephen Toast felt during this scene:
18 Posted 28/05/2017 at 01:22:41
Seems some have a sense of humour bypass on here. Yaaaaawn.
No pleasing some people. FFS!
19 Posted 28/05/2017 at 02:56:54
'Fuck the shit fuck the fucking shit shit the fuck.'
20 Posted 28/05/2017 at 11:43:53
I don't find your "caustic" witt funny, but that's okay because we all have our own opinion on what is and is not funny.
I would have thought "comedians" would have the ability to laugh at themselves and take criticism, after all they dish enough of it out.
Love the reference to the director by the way.
Never heard that before... Not!
21 Posted 28/05/2017 at 11:55:14
Isn't that link a cover version of a Mother Theresa track?
22 Posted 28/05/2017 at 13:58:11
Just clicked on this link (and I'm glad I did) to kill time before going for a pint and saw this..
'John Daley with his attempt... Again at sarcastic wit. Yaaaaaaaaawn.' and 'John Daley, you don't half bang on.'
Comments by Damian 'Ken Tynan' Wilde and Dave 'John Lahr' Lynch.
This is Ronald Chesney and Ronald Wolfe giving Galton and Simpson down the banks.
Talbot Rothwell slagging Neil Simon.
Imagine the sense of humour you'd have if they DID find you hilarious.
My guess Link
(If I don't get a "get a room" from one of them, I'll be furious.)
23 Posted 28/05/2017 at 14:38:39
Well, I suppose it's okay.
As Fantasy Football champion Bernard Crabtree may soon be about to find out, that's the problem with making a Mephistophelian pact. There's always a downside and a harrowing trade-off/price to pay.
When faced with the choice of (a) being financially comfortable for life, being slightly better looking than 'sexy' former darts slinger Steve 'The Adonis' Beaton, having facial hair finer than Magnum PI furnishing my top lip, and subsequently getting hitched to a lasciviously sleazy, semi-intelligent woman, with an inhumanly tight arse, a talent for jamming thumbs up that would leave Jimmy Crankie insane with jealously, and who can still manage to both operate a microwave and bang the kettle on (just about), or (b) forever forsaking the ability to make some bloke on ToffeeWeb called Dave Lynch laugh... well, I've got to admit: I was fucking torn over what to do.Â
Still, I consoled myself with the fact that a man of such stunning, finely honed repartee, who was ready to declare himself "satisfied" after signalling sarcasm with an extended 'yawn' and slapping a superfluous 't' on the end of the word 'wit', would surely have no trouble whatsoever in finding their amusement elsewhere.
It's a real weight off my mind to discover that's exactly how it all turned out in the end:
Laugh Along With Dave Lynch During Leisure Activities:Â
Episode 1: Driving
Laugh Along With Dave Lynch During Leisure Activities:
Episode 2: Fishing
24 Posted 28/05/2017 at 14:51:21
Keep 'em coming though. I always enjoy reading you and Eugene. The latter's recent work hasn't been as good as his early stuff, but I suppose that will be said of all actors/comedians/pop groups...
25 Posted 28/05/2017 at 16:21:46
26 Posted 28/05/2017 at 16:38:47
27 Posted 28/05/2017 at 17:16:29
However, I am a fair-minded correspondent, so I Googled the relative hits of "Faustian" and "Mephistophelean" Pacts, and my one came out ten times more popular. And anyway, it was only a 'gentle' remark to John. I chose the adjective deliberately.
28 Posted 28/05/2017 at 17:37:41
29 Posted 28/05/2017 at 17:45:37
I guess they spot flannel when it is repeated often enough and understand the difference between fact and opinion.
30 Posted 28/05/2017 at 17:54:57
31 Posted 28/05/2017 at 18:12:01
I know that I make my contributions mindful at all times of the attacks I may attract from any other TW member. That's as it should be. I often write stuff which in retrospect I really wish I hadn't because it's bollocks (on my own cooler analysis), but that's the nature of this forum and of football debate. We're going to be angry, irrational and ridiculous and then we must expect to be hauled up. I would rather that were done intelligently and wittily.
We are not here to agree or disagree blandly with each other. Hard criticism, including mockery, means that we take more care which, in turn, makes this site superior.
32 Posted 28/05/2017 at 20:11:36
I (genuinely) say this with no sarcasm or anything 'hidden.'
Me too...and imo, there's nothing at all wrong with mindful.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not in the least concerned with 'attacks', but attempt to ensure that my contributions (time allowing) will be thought through rather than unthinkingly/angrily fired from the hip (so to speak).
And as a courtesy (nb: so TWers aren't forced to read garbled unreadable bollocks) I'm also mindful of things like 'that red line means spelt wrong, so check it out and correct it' etc.
Of course I understand (see Dunning-Kruger effect) many will simply cry 'foul!' ('smart-arse!' etc) but I don't give a shite as I made the following decision a couple of years ago - 'I refuse to dumb down, they'll have to clever up' (and if they won't, fuck em', let them wallow in ignorance - the same books, articles, films, google etc are available to everyone).
Brian # 24 - 'Keep 'em coming though. I always enjoy reading you and Eugene. The latter's recent work hasn't been as good as his early stuff, but I suppose that will be said of all actors/comedians/pop groups...'
I'm like Viz..which as readers will know, has for many years been 'not as funny as it used to be.'
33 Posted 28/05/2017 at 20:21:56
I have fundamentally disagreed with some posters on one thread and applauded them on another. I would hope that none of us are so entrenched in our views that we cannot change our minds. There are most certainly some posters on here who have made me reconsider some of my views.
We are, probably luckily, unlikey to meet most of the people we debate with on here. That is what makes it good. When someone makes me laugh out loud( it doesn't happen much) then I will admire them for it. This isn't Facebook. We are adults arguing over something that matters to us but not to many others. Certainly not my wife, who is giving me a filthy look right now. Got to go.
34 Posted 28/05/2017 at 20:49:12
[Off on a tangent. Apols.]
35 Posted 28/05/2017 at 21:58:54
And if that isn't going off-topic, I don't know what is!
36 Posted 28/05/2017 at 22:23:39
37 Posted 28/05/2017 at 00:06:46
Like each and every one of us, they have good,bad, and 'meh' posts. Their wit, humour, opinions and observations may be heavily acerbic at times.
On occasions, I think they do stray into belittling other posters unnecessarily. On other occasions, I think some take offence too quickly and easily when their views are challenged by the Daley - Ruane house style (there's a new tabloid name in there, for any would-be media entrepreneur).
I certainly don't agree with all their views or how they choose to post at times. For example, I find Eugene's crusade against posters' poor grammar and spelling rather absurd. I take a more tolerant view of such 'errors' unless the message is completely garbled.
But this site is most definitely enriched by their presence. I for one enjoy rattling sabres with anyone on here capable of engaging in true debate beyond the reductive 'yous are talking shite! do you actually watch the games? etc, etc.' You know the type.
One thing's for sure, if you want to engage with them, you better bring your A-game to the table or face the consequences.
And as Tony Hill and Eugene himself comment, I like and appreciate posters capable of keeping you on your toes.
38 Posted 29/05/2017 at 00:33:44
39 Posted 29/05/2017 at 03:13:43
I am slightly disappointed though Eugene that with all that's been going on in the Moyes household we haven't heard much from Morag?
Well done, Ben Crabtree too, by the way.
40 Posted 29/05/2017 at 09:08:45
Re Eugene long may he flourish. If I'm being honest, I only shoehorned in the 'earlier work' jibe as an attempt to be humourous. Obviously fell flat.
Mind you, "Moyes on Holiday" set his bar very high, his equivalent of Citizen Kane for Orson Welles. Doesn't make The Magnificent Ambersons or Touch of Evil crap just not as good...
41 Posted 29/05/2017 at 13:06:32
I feel a bit like Brick Tamland turning up at his own funeral in Anchorman 2.
Thanks for the feedback?Â
For my part, I promise to ponder all comments (both positive and negative) over the pre-season, before returning in August a new man, enlightened by the error of his ways.
Kind of like Carlito Brigante being released back onto the streets: "Completely rehabilitated, reinvigorated, reassimilated" but, unfortunately for some it seems, not "relocated".Â
So, I guess that means I'll be tryingÂ my best to keep my nose clean, play it straight, bang a ginner and refrain from rubbing anyone up the wrong way,Â before...inevitably... slowly slipping back into my bad old habits and...err...ending up flat on my arse in a pool of my own muck mumbling incoherently to myself in a train station (hopefully Euston, after watching Everton fuck someone over in a Wembley final).
42 Posted 29/05/2017 at 13:12:19
Under normal circumstances I too would probably opt for 'Faustian pact', but having name-checked Goethe's gullible little git earlier in the thread, I thought it would be poor form to repeat myself (I will however maintain that, as Mephistopheles was party to said pact, either phrase remains permissible. Popularity be damned).
"[Eugene's] recent work hasn't been as good as his early stuff, but I suppose that will be said of all actors/comedians/pop groups..."
In defence of Eugene, it's becoming increasingly difficult to compete with the proliferation of trendy, new 'alternative' acts on ToffeeWeb (sometimes referred to as 'the Wilde men') whose more modern posting style consist ofÂ an incessantly pounding repetitive beat, a 'sample' of about five words (three of which will invariably be along the lines of "he/they is/are shit") and some cartoon face thing the kids call a fucking emoji slapped on the end.
Why, in the face of such fast-evolving competition, it's hardly surprising that a more well constructed, in tune, lyric heavy effort, building to an actual point and favouring humour over "I'm not going to stand for it anymore" fume, can sometimes appear almostÂ antediluvian in origin.
43 Posted 29/05/2017 at 13:26:32
You might offend some at times, but at least you will be being yourself.
44 Posted 29/05/2017 at 13:47:18
45 Posted 29/05/2017 at 13:50:07
46 Posted 29/05/2017 at 14:00:54
47 Posted 29/05/2017 at 14:03:36
48 Posted 29/05/2017 at 14:14:16
Mr Abrahams!!!! I feel like I've been knighted, mind you I would have turned it down.
49 Posted 29/05/2017 at 14:47:52
50 Posted 29/05/2017 at 15:13:09
51 Posted 29/05/2017 at 15:14:00
52 Posted 29/05/2017 at 15:38:51
A fella I knew had used 'Rexie' as he was called by many of his clients, to defend him. Rexie did a good job just to get this lad bail. However, he did a runner and never turned up to face his trial, knew he was going down for a stretch.
He eventually had to face the music, Rexie took him on again for the trial, but not before he castigated him for doing a runner. He said to him "I'm going to call you name I've never used on anyone before... You... You.. [long pause] SHITPOT' the lad thought, "Fair enough, Rexie, I can live with that and after a long plea of mitigation by Rexie got a shorter sentence than he expected.
53 Posted 29/05/2017 at 15:43:51
It led to the joke about Doddy having two new Diddymen; Diddy Pay & Diddy Fuck!
54 Posted 29/05/2017 at 16:06:08
I recall that line! Thanks for jogging my memory banks.
55 Posted 29/05/2017 at 16:07:57
His lad was a long-term representative of a high-profile prisoner who died last week.
56 Posted 29/05/2017 at 16:17:24
57 Posted 29/05/2017 at 16:29:04
Was whiplash not invented back then?
Funny Rexie's name should come up on this thread.
I once thought I had John Daley on a particular point but it was like trying to hit Floyd Mayweather. My lads were pissing themselves. They have been instructed to seek him out and pay him what he wants to represent me if ever I find myself in the dock.
Ruane and Daley? Essential part of the ToffeeWeb attraction. If you can't stand the heat...
58 Posted 29/05/2017 at 16:33:11
Two good mates of mine (100% innocent) were found not guilty in such a case and were awarded substantial damages after Makin's men showed, beyond any doubt, the whole thing was a pre-conceived fit up by Merseyside's finest, who were shown up as a combination of bone-idle and corrupt (kept their fucking jobs though!)
With a less able defence, they could have easily gone down (as I'm sure many others did).
This is not to say (does Young Ones Rik) 'Yeah... um... fuck the fuzz..okay?' but back then, we seemed to have a particularly large amount of 'rotten apples' in our particular rozzer barrel (it was all very un-Dixon Of Dock Green).
By the way, something (see link) tells me that the 'sexy Rexy' nickname (used by people like my mam and dad) undoubtedly came about simply because (for some reason) people are drawn towards simple rhymes Link
59 Posted 29/05/2017 at 16:46:36
Don't get me wrong, I'm not in the least concerned with 'attacks', but...
60 Posted 29/05/2017 at 16:54:22
61 Posted 29/05/2017 at 17:00:19
62 Posted 29/05/2017 at 17:10:48
63 Posted 29/05/2017 at 17:14:55
Do we blame our schools, or a who gives a flying cockatoo attitude?
64 Posted 29/05/2017 at 17:20:28
They went to a football match and never came home
Rest In Peace
65 Posted 29/05/2017 at 17:20:34
66 Posted 29/05/2017 at 17:26:46
Mr Palomar by Italo Calvino. Sound on this sort of thing.
67 Posted 29/05/2017 at 17:31:22
One-hundred and fifteen minutes gone... Huddersfield 0, Reading 0.
68 Posted 29/05/2017 at 17:42:15
69 Posted 29/05/2017 at 17:46:11
I was arrested for walking down Dale Street at 2000 hours, having long hair at being 19. The official charges were, of course, the standard D and D, resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer whilst executing...
E Rex tore them to shreds, quoted their absolutely verbatim separate reports, introduced my companions/witnesses, including a Captn in the Kings Lancs and the Deputy Chief Architect of Liverpool.
Result... if I was guilty of anything, it was skylarking... Case dismissed, free to go, not a stain etc.
"You four, constables! remain behind!
70 Posted 29/05/2017 at 17:53:50
71 Posted 29/05/2017 at 17:59:24
Just think, while at school, had you not been forced (at ferrule point) to have a (very) short back and sides, at 19 you might not have felt the need to rebel and grow your hair.
Consequently, you might not have looked such a target.
72 Posted 29/05/2017 at 18:10:58
I can't wait to get a draw there!
73 Posted 29/05/2017 at 18:58:22
74 Posted 30/05/2017 at 15:33:33
I further think no charges were ever brought against him, but the name remained.
75 Posted 30/05/2017 at 16:32:04
Bioletti's did a roaring trade from SFX lads being sent there to get "sensible" haircuts. I once in retaliation got what was then known as a "crewcut" and on returning to school for inspection, promptly sent home while my hair grew back to a "proper" length. You try telling kids these days .
76 Posted 31/05/2017 at 20:25:22
77 Posted 05/06/2017 at 23:55:51
What next boys, a reply in BOLD and a Link !!!
78 Posted 06/06/2017 at 12:59:50
"John Daley and Eugene Ruin - two of the biggest weirdos ever. Surely the same person."
Damian Wilde, again:
"John Daley are you Eugene in disguise?Links, statements in bold and occasionally strange posts... adds up!"
Damian Wilde, yet again:
"John Daley, where on earth does that stuff come from? Are you Eugene's brother?"
Damian Wilde, once more:
"John Daley, you are Eugene Ruane, right?"
Damian Wilde, whipping fuck out of a dead horse by this point:
"John Daley, are you Eugene's twin?"
Still, at least you're diversifying and bravely attempting to branch out beyond your default Barkley diatribe, Damian.
What prompted that I wonder?
Did you give Ross a Ronald Koeman style ultimatum?
Something along the lines of: "If you don't sign a new contract to carry on as the sole subject of my simplistic, sloppily constructed rants-- by the time I finish perfecting my uncanny impression of Union General John Sedgwick in his final moments-- then I'll have to bin you off and begin banging on about those two tossers on ToffeeWeb who think I'm nothing but a venting one-note nyaff, instead"?
Or did the online restraining order Ross took out just happen to kick in?
"What next boys, a reply inÂ BOLDÂ and aLinkÂ !!!"
Post #77 in video format:
79 Posted 07/06/2017 at 01:52:11
Hahaha gotta laugh though
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