As a diversion from the day-to-day grind of being an Evertonian, this is a short story that fellow blues will hopefully enjoy concerning that ex-RS goalie from the 80s, Bruce Grobbelaar. Obviously, I am no fan of the man, though he brought a grudging smile from me once when he flicked vee-signs at the Street end behind his back. If anyone bears any grudge against the man (apart from the obvious) then this should please you.

I live in a small town in Oxfordshire and about six years ago there was a charity auction to raise money for the town’s football club. The guest speaker at the event was to be Mr Grobbelaar. My wife and I ended up on a table with a couple of RS, unfortunately (they’re like a plague in Oxfordshire). One of the RS knobheads spent £120 on a signed picture of that big-nosed twat Rush scoring in the 1986 final against us. I wanted to smash it over his head.

Anyway, Grobbelaar did his after-dinner speech, which to be fair had a few fairly funny parts. As he wrapped it up he said he would be happy to do autographs. There was a programme for the event which had a spread on Grobbelaar so I decided to queue to get that signed by him. At this point, I have to admit to having an RS in the family. My eldest brother, Brian, has gone the dark way, though fortunately my dad and other brother are Blues. I decided to get the picture signed for my RS brother – he is still my brother after all.

I got to the front of the queue and handed the programme to Grobbelaar. He took it and asked who to write it to. I asked him to write “To Brian, From one eejit to another”. I should explain that my family originates from Northern Ireland, hence the ‘eejit’. He looked at me for a moment and, to his credit, started writing. I decided to seize the opportunity of a moment to speak to him.

“What was the best goal you ever conceded?” I asked. Grobbelaar looked up at me a little suspiciously and said: “There’s no such thing as a good goal you concede as a goalie.”

“Well, I can tell you it was Graham Sharpe in the Anfield derby in 1984,” I replied.

“Oh no, a Bluenose” Grobbelaar said and half-smiled, half-grimaced and looked back at the programme.

“Do you remember that own-goal you scored in the 1984 Charity Shield?” I continued.

“There’s no such thing as an own goal by a goalie.” he replied.

“No, it was definitely an own goal,” I said, “The ball came back off the defender away from the goal and struck your leg and went in.”

Grobbelaar said no more, handed me the programme where he had indeed written, “To Brian, From one eejit to another, Bruce Grobbelaar”. He looked to the next person in the queue so I decided it was time to move along.

I told my brother the story and gave him the framed programme as a Christmas present, which he absolutely loved. It’s hanging on his wall to this day.

Reader Comments (10)

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Steve Ferns
1 Posted 04/05/2018 at 23:41:33
You could have asked him about the bungs!

Brucie is an interesting guy, he fought in a war in South Africa didn't he?

Good story though mate

Andrew McLawrence
2 Posted 06/05/2018 at 10:04:30
As a blue eejit still living in Norn Irn this made me laugh!
Damian Wilde
3 Posted 06/05/2018 at 00:00:02
Love it :D
Eddie Dunn
4 Posted 07/05/2018 at 17:32:35
Nice story. He is a complex character, to say the least. I saw that own goal at Wembley, what fun it was!
Andy Mead
5 Posted 09/05/2018 at 08:32:05
My youngest sons teacher in his school is from South Africa and she told me she used to go out with him when they were teenagers. Says he was nutty even back then
Alan Bodell
6 Posted 09/05/2018 at 08:39:55
Ha ha, love it.
Jason Broome
7 Posted 09/05/2018 at 11:45:49
Funny story. Nice one.
Liam Reilly
8 Posted 11/05/2018 at 13:37:02
Controversy always followed 'Brucie' around.

I went to see LPL play a preseason friendly at Home Farm in Dublin and he played. They've a huge supporter presence over here so I'm sure he was expecting to be given the royal treatment.

We gave him 'Dogs abuse'; which at first he laughed off but it started to get to him before he was subbed and out came the 'finger' salute. Nice one Brucie; nice one son, nice one Brucie, have a little BUNG!

David Currie
9 Posted 12/05/2018 at 03:18:22
Horrible bloke.
Jay Harris
10 Posted 12/05/2018 at 04:47:13
I was at a sports dinner table many moons ago with Grobelaar and Souness on the same table.

One of the lads asked if he could borrow my pen to get an autograph and I said "You must be joking he will drop it and he will stamp on it".

Grobelaar laughed and was in good form the whole night whereas Souness gave me a dirty look and was an arrogant bastard all night.

I came across Souness a few times after that as we chased the same women and he never spoke to me once.

Arsehole of the first order.

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