Chester City 2 - 3 Everton

Half-time: 0 - 0

Key players Myhre, Jeffers, and Campbell all missed this one, but late goals from Unsworth and a brace by Barmby saved the Blues' blushes against a dogged and resilient Chester side marshalled by ex-Evertonian chieftain and hero, Kevin Radcliffe.  The biggest worry of the night was the performance of Simonsen in goal: decidedly nervy....

At least, that was what we, as optimistic optimists, envisaged.  The experience itself was somewhat different.

Upon our arrival, we were faced with the decision of standing or seating.  My mum chose seating, and we agreed to meet Jon Berman and Co. inside the ground.  Unfortunately, because the stand filled up so quickly, they all had to sit elsewhere.  There was no atmosphere whatsoever in our area, and I spent most of the first half bemoaning our decision to sit and not stand.  The teams lined up – Chester in blue and white stripes, with white shorts, Everton in yellow, with blue shorts. Our team lined up:

Simonsen; Watson, Unsworth, Short, Cleland; Ball, Collins, Gemmill, Barmby; Hutchison, Cadamarteri, in what I assumed to be either a 4-4-2 or a mad 4-3-1-2.  Michael Ball seemed to be playing left side of midfield, with Unsworth as a left back.  Sorry if this is wrong, but the first half was so boring that I completely lost track of everybody's positions.  However, Bally often seemed to get very far forward.

First Half

The first half was a chore. Really, I was happy to see Everton "playing" again, but this was a far cry from my memories of the West Ham game.

Cadamarteri put the ball over the crossbar, a Chester player did the same.  Collins flew in with a crunching tackle, a Chester player did the same to Hutchison.  Cadamarteri skipped past three players and promptly lost possession; at the other end, so did a Chester player.  Both sides looked ordinary and completely disinterested.  The highlight of the half was when the Rhino sent the ball flying out of the stadium.  Chant of the half went to the Evertonians.  A Chester player sent a Row Z free kick screaming over the cross bar and into the terracing. "What the f***ing hell was that?" sang the crowd.

Tiny birds flew about the rafters.  A daddy long-legs crawled up the wall.  The blades of grass grew a little.  The referee blew his whistle for half-time.

Second Half

The second half began, much to my dismay.  "I'm tired and I want to go to bed!" was the inward cry, particularly if the second half was anything like its predecessor.  Fortunately, it wasn't.

However, it was Chester who took the lead.  With a reckless challenge, Simonsen took out the Chester player.  We all knew where the referee would point.  Had this been a league game (which, with 3rd Division opposition, it thankfully wasn't), then he should have been sent off.  Luke Beckett couldn't miss, and the man who announced the goal couldn't resist adding "Nice one, Luke!"

1-0, and things looked pretty bleak. "Come on Everton, we can still win this!" yelled the man in front.  I stared at the players and wondered how. It was only after the four substitutes who were introduced in a drastic quadruple substitution had settled down that we began to look competitive. Weir, Dunne, Phelan and Jevons replaced Watson, Gemmill, Collins and Cleland, with Hutchison taking the captaincy.

Collins had looked quite sharp, considering his lengthy absence.  He should be quite successful when fully fit.  Unfortunately, Simonsen did not impress me much.  In fact, he terrified me.  Pray hard, very hard, that Tommy Myhre reaches full fitness as soon as possible.

We began to look brighter and dominated play for long spells.  Finally, a Phil Jevons corner swung in, and the Rhino leapt, towering above the defence to nod home.  The goal reminded me very much of his against Middlesbrough.  "Goalscorer for Everton – Dave Unsworth!" 1-1, and perhaps the victory was ultimately within our grasp, after all.

As the skies above darkened, and a deep dusk enshrouded the pitch and stands, the lights began to be switched on.  It must have taken half an hour to fully light the ground.  Even then, they avoided using the floodlights, until absolutely necessary.  This really is a club in financial difficulty!

We only had to wait two or three minutes before the next goal.  Everton were attacking, and after a few shots, and a scramble, we were 2-1 up.  At first, we thought Jevons had scored it, but Barmby must have had a touch, as he claimed it.

A Chester substitution rapidly ensued, and we were asked to welcome Darren Wright onto the pitch.  Guess who scored their subsequent equaliser after some admirable flapping by our "goalkeeper".....  "Nice one, Darren!" enthused the aforementioned passionate Chester fan in charge of the microphone!

However, Everton looked much stronger during the second half, and eventually, Barmby struck the sweetest of low right footed drives, from distance, into the bottom right hand corner of the Chester City net.  Pick that one out!  3-2.

The end was not far away.  The referee blew the whistle to cheers.  We left the dusty seats which had obviously been left unoccupied for years, we left the tiny birds circumnavigating the stand, and the daddy long-legs still climbing the stand, inwardly thanking Gareth Farrelly for saving us from such an existence as this.

A new sweep for you all – If an average third division side can put two past Simonsen, then how many will Manchester United, treble winning European Champions, manage?

Player Ratings by Andy

• Simonsen - 4 - Flapped, gave away penalty clumsily, stopped on his line for corners, Grobbelaaresque charges out when he shouldn't. Awful.
• Cleland - 5½ - Hmmm.... out of position, bad crosses, decent passing.
• Ball - 6½ - Looked very agile, looked refreshed, nice tricks to get past players.
• Unsworth - 6½ - Powerful darts down the left but bad distribution.
• Watson - 7 - He's still got it, though a little greyer!
• Short - 6½ - 'Zico' made a few runs into midfield and didn't neglect his duties
• Collins - 6½ - Very fired up, good passing and poor passing
• Hutchison - 7 - Started up front but was ineffective, 2nd half very strong in middle
• Barmby - 7 - Could have had 4 goals, but a lack of confidence let him down. 100% effort
• Gemmill - 5 - Not impressed at all. Gave the ball away. Didn't really try.
• Cadamarteri - 6 - Tried, and slipped over on numerous occasions !
• Phelan - 8 - Man of the Match. Here was someone on a mission. Did nothing wrong (including last minute scrap with Chester midfielder). Stick him at left back with Ball elsewhere.
• Weir - 6 - Didn't get too involved
• Dunne - 5 - Did he touch the ball for his half hour ??
• Jevons - 7 - The lad is ready, full of ideas, great corner for Unsy's goal, never slipped over.

Barmby, whose second child was born earlier this week, already had a goal to his name before scoring tonight's winner – a 30-yard right-foot drive – in the 85th minute.

The second-half goal glut followed a scoreless first 45 minutes in which Barmby himself had but missed the best two chances.

He saw his team go a goal down nine minutes after the break when Everton goalkeeper Steve Simonsen fouled Luke Beckett in the penalty area and then failed to keep out the same player's spot-kick.

David Unsworth equalised in the 76th minute, heading in from eight yards on the end of Phil Jevons' corner.

Barmby curled one past home goalkeeper Neil Cutler to put Everton in front three minutes later only to see Darren Wright stab in an equaliser from close range eight minutes from time.