The tournament starts, and Paul Watson watches from afar 

 Day 3: Saturday 12 June 2004

Then, Spain v Russia; I think Spain will win, even though Russia are a decent team — we are after their striker, allegedly.  It could have been Wales...  Lots of people talk crap about how good a manager Mark Hughes is... Think about it: Wales now have about 20 players in the Premiership, that is the difference.  In the days of big Nev and Ratty, the midfield four came from the Third Division.  If Wales hadn't had the injuries, or had five more decent players, I think they would have been there.  Yes it should be 'here', but not many people can go for three and half weeks. 

Welsh blues... I can't work out why, but I think we miss Pembo.  Lily Savage?  I think he could make a difference to us.  We need a captain.  I applied for a ticket for Russia v Greece in Faro; no confirmation e.mail yet.  Hmmm...

Drugs.  You can smoke dope in Portugal.  Makes sense; people will think their team is really good.  Drug issues from Wales v Russia.  Someone is making a Titov themselves. (I'll help you out here, Titov = tit of).  The big kick off for us is tomorrow at 19:45 hopefully.  Can't wait; please play Desailly, Monsieur Santini.   Carragher or King, don't let us down, Sven.

Meanwhile, the background story continues... June 2003:

No money.  It is June and I want to go to Portugal in 2004.  Stefan asked me if I have applied for tickets yet.  I do so, in the dead of night.  €308 including admin. for a follow-my-team package.  I think this is quite good, a ticket for every England game, including the final, for £225.  I use my MasterCard, I must be guaranteed success.  How will I tell my wife?  We are renting in a nice house, now worth £10million in the suburbs.  My house is in the wrong part of town.  Now empty, in negative equity.  No work for 6 months; we have to move my old house.  Not nice.

No tickets. 8 July 2003, I get an e.mail:

Dear Applicant, We would like to thank you for your Follow My Team Ticket Application of England, no 110012345.  You have probably noticed in the media that we received an enormous number of ticket applications.  Unfortunately, as a result of the lottery, your ticket request was not successful.  However, there are still tickets available for some of the matches.  These tickets will be sold through www.euro2004.com, beginning on 1 August 2003.

No work.  Through August to October I try to remain sane.  .I usually work with computers, but I have programmed myself out of a job.  Rejected by the airport for work as a baggage handler.  Rejected for order picking at £4.50 an hour.  They ask me if that is what I really want to do.  What if someone where to offer you a decent job Mr Watson?  I would become unsettled faster than Andrei Kanchelskis, Judas Barmby or Don Hutchison. 

One of my friends goes for a job as a cleaner — Where do you see yourself in five years? the interviewer asks.  Another friend (not Brett) tried for Asda, stacking shelves.  They get him to do role plays during the interview.  Dirty Harry (Clint) was right — HR is for assholes.  Wonderful goal from Rooney v Charlton, otherwise Everton are woeful.  Baby Klara is wonderful, no babies during June 2004, please.

Paul Watson