Idiots, Morons and Cretins
Nick Armitage reacts angrily to the inevitable media speculation about Our Kid Wayne...

19 June 2004

Here we go again.  We were forewarned but did any of us expect this level of media frenzy?  Rooney has had two half-decent games against one good team and one poor team.  As a result, the media — led by the red tops — are proclaiming all sorts of totally unsubstantiated bullshit about Rooney to anyone gullible enough to buy it.  Newspapers aren’t interested in reporting the news; they are only interested in increasing circulation.  To this end, Rooney suits their agenda.  Right now, the only story that will sell more papers than Wayne Rooney is the story that confirms the Queen gave the nod to bump off Princess Diana.

Rooney has been good, but he hasn’t been that good.  The reason that he’s probably so laid back and taking all this in his stride is that he knows there is plenty more to come.  We’ve all seen him play better than he is doing in Euro 2004.  What the media forget is that he regularly does this against the equally accomplished defences of the top club sides.  He runs Arsenal ragged each time he plays them and he ripped their beloved United to bits at Goodison last season.

I’ve heard it said that Owen and Rooney aren’t compatible.  Well they are.  Whatever form Owen is in, opposition defences are still shit scared of him.  They man-mark him and hold a deep line to press and channel him out of the game.  Rooney then picks holes in the spaces they leave; Owen’s reputation is the perfect foil for Rooney’s game.  It’s unlucky for Owen but a bonanza for Rooney, he’s never had it so good.

All this appears to be lost on the idiots in the good old British gutter press.  They’ve never had it so good.  These reporters are morons who have never played a competitive match in their lives and can only spot a good player after Des Lynam already has.  Rooney-mania is sweeping the country and the press are fuelling and stoking the fire.

There’s no point in these morons telling us that Rooney is a good player, good old Des has beaten them to it.  Instead they tell us once again that Everton are skint and the top clubs are brewstered.  Who said the art of investigative journalism was dead?  They tell us that one of Abramovich’s yachts is moored near Portugal, that Mourinho thinks he’s good player and that John Terry would like to have the best young player in the world at Chelsea with him.

Where would these cretins expect to see Abramovich right now?  Antarctica???  Everyone with two or more brain cells can see that Rooney is a class act so why on earth wouldn’t Mourinho?  John Terry would probably want Henry, Zidane, Nedved, Beckham, Roberto Carlos and Ronaldo at Chelsea wouldn’t he, but because he mentions Rooney he’s obviously the next target of Kenyon & Co.

Did anyone else notice how the done deal with United they were screaming from the rooftops several weeks ago has now fallen off the radar?  That story will once again be a goer, the minute Sir Alex is spotted in Portugal.

Apparently Real Madrid, Barcelona, Juventus, AC Milan and Bayern Munich have all expressed an interest in Rooney as well.  I’ve expressed an interest in Nicole Kidman in the past you know.

What these idiots, morons and cretins in the press fail to appreciate is that a very small group of people have already decided where Wayne Rooney will play his club football next season.  Those people are probably Wayne Rooney, Paul Stretford, David Moyes, Bill Kenwright, Paul Gregg and Trevor Birch.  Everyone else will have to wait until after Euro 2004 to find out.  And everyone else includes all those idiots, morons and cretins who make a living out of pretending that they know.

Nick Armitage

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