Unforgiven

It's not impossible of course, indeed it should be, given the talent in the squad, somewhat of a formality, but without the right attitude, the will to at least not get beat, there is the distinct chance that this squad will slide down to the lower division without too much of a fight.

The silence from the boardroom and the owner speaks volumes, but they'll still expect us all to be at Goodison next season, regardless of which division we are in, they will act as if nothing was wrong; it will be, as you point out, due to circumstances beyond their control, fate, luck etc.

When it has been obvious since the start of Novemeber, if not earlier, that this squad is quite capable of dropping points in any given game against any given opponnent, and this squad finds it almost impossible to beat any team, without a struggle – a perfect recipe to almost guarantee relegation.

I sense you started typing fairly calmly but then became ever more furious as your article progressed, climaxing in total rage with the priceless line "dressing as a schoolgirl for photoshoots".

I hope publishing this was at least a little therapeutic for you because you're entirely right and there's bugger all else we fans can do.

I was struck in Howard's Way by how much the 80s team challenged each other, even the captain copping abuse from Reidy: "You turning up today or what, Ratters?".

Keep posting John, whatever happens.

We wouldn't have conceded the 4th goal against Palace in exactly the same manner as the 3rd one if there was.

Lampard needs to shake the club out if its complacency by picking some different players who might have some urgency, passion and bottle. After his post-game Palace comments, I sense he will.

People still seem to think games in hands means we will automatically be fine - not so sure if things don't change soon.

In Lampards latest press conference, he says Dominic Calvert-Lewin is “in a really good place”. What does that even mean?

I'm in a really good place at the moment, the sunny Algarve... but I still wouldn't be able to put a shift in for Everton!

Please someone just show them the basics. It would be a start.

What we need is a “Big X” to take control, like in the Great Escape. What we got is a Big Bill!

Lay off the criticism of Brewster's Millions though, classic film that.😂

Those in charge have led a good life by existing rather than trying to win and challenge.

That's been the mentality of the club. Exist and feed off the scraps of a couple of decent runs or wins.

Don't play up expectation or that will make the white collars feel pressure. Play it down so the masses accept a DVD over an Andy Johnson inspired rare derby victory.

Have to agree with Kieran - the blasé attitude of 'there is always tomorrow' is horrifying.

I actually think that Lampard hasn't got a clue what he is doing.

Keep it going, by the way I think enough of them do care but have been failed by leadership that simply switched things up too much out of a desperate effort to meet expectations that were beyond them.

I was sitting having a pint with an old friend last night and I asked him a question, to which I already knew the answer: Did you ever go out onto a football pitch not believing 'We're going to win this'?

To us, it would have been anathema even to admit defeat was possible. Of course we did not win every game, but we certainly gave our all in every game.

Unfortunately, the malaise that Danny speaks of and the call for a change in culture that Colin Ellis wrote about recently are not confined to the pitch, and as you, John, and they point out, the problems run throughout the club.

Again, something else I wish I didn't have to say: the club across the park is a well-run football business with a ruthless focus on the thing that matters most in such a business, success on the pitch.

We have no such focus, we are hapless amateurs in comparison. The monkeys are running the zoo.

Everton has become a zombie club of the Premier League, forever hovering between the life of a very occasional cup final appearance and the the death as another mediocre mid-table season meanders to a close. The very real worry now is that even that zombie status is threatened and I'm not sure we'd recover from relegation for a long time.

I remember a former player saying none of the directors took an interest in the players so all they had to keep happy was the manager.

I wonder with our tax exile owner and London based chairman whether an increased interest from them might make the playes buck up a litle

And yet in the Newcastle 1-0 victory Keane had a very good game, he showed plenty of aggression, wanted to win the ball, let the Newcastle strikers know he was there throughout the game, glad they never tested him for being on something after the game, because that altar boy Michael wasn't there he was replaced by, his normal standard, an Hells Angel on a motorbike.

Why the fuck can't he play like that every game along with another half a dozen of the other dozy, wish I wasn't here bastards, if you can't do it for us then pretend your mam is watching and do it for them for the rest of the season then at the end when we are safe fuck off and take Billy Boy and his mates with you.

Our record staying in the top flight is worth a few cups imo.

There is not one excuse left for any of them. Possibly the worst mixture to ever walk on to represent Everton. All the stars have aligned to produce this monumental pile of shite.

They have no shame.

I've said previously that the board are not connected to the club, in their capacity of the chief stakeholders, as their business decision-making in all matters of football, has brought Everton to its knees.

Seriously the most poorly managed dysfunctional football club at the business level in the Premier League, and possibly Europe.

Absolute disgrace and Everton can't last on a hope and a prayer forever.

Survival plan for this season, and starting at West Ham, who according to some West Ham fans I've spoken to this week, are dipping in form.

Let's hope Everton can lay the ghost of 2 weeks ago.

In all that time, three First Division titles, two FA Cups and one European Cup-Winners Cup. Coming second in 1986 in both the 1st Division and the FA Cup to Liverpool who had ensured by their behaviour at Heysel that we didn't get our chance of a crack at the European Cup that year.

"I'm utterly sick of seeing the sort of badly soul-shaken look on his mug normally sported by a porn starlet sixteen shots into a mass bukkake session."

The weekly white flag submissive reaction to going a goal behind says it all. Where's the leaders? Where's the real men? Who cares about what's happening enough to act in real time and do something? Who will step up to the plate and shake some of them out of their brain-fogged torpor?

Frank Lampard has got his work cut out to realign the players' mentality; he is going to have to prove he is a real manager and not just a name.

Kenwright is as valid as a nine-bob note in any capacity, chock full of shit as he is. His sycophantic ex-player "coaches" all know they're on Easy Street whilst he's in-post and this is transmitted to the players, all of whom diminish in their profession having been signed on for absurd money by the spiv who openly boasts that we're the go-to club for advice when things go pear-shaped.

If we avoid relegation this season, I expect another dismal season, and the season after that, as a minimum. That's how badly we've been run for decades, despite half a £billion having been splashed against the wall by our self-proclaimed "maestro" who's still in the top job since Usmanov's gopher took alleged charge.

Looking grim John Daley. Great writing as per though.

Acceptance of responsibility and leadership. He is our oldest and by default, most experienced central defender. But he is always looking to be led rather than lead. Like too many in our team.

Like a rudderless ship, we have no leader. Allan is the closest we have. It might not make a difference football wise, but it is so important on the pitch to have leaders, not just a captain wearing the armband.

He worked on quite a number of productions for Kenwright's production company and basically, what he told me was that Blue Bill's persona as Everton's chairman is actually very different from his reputation in the theatre world?

Apparently, Kenwright is absolutely ruthless when things don't go to plan, and he has sacked lots of people in the process. He's also regarded as something of a skinflint, and was or is always foraging for ways of squeezing an extra dollar out of theatre punters.

Contrast that with Bill's sentimental, home-boy, nostalgia sodden persona as Chairman, and it cuts quite a sharp one doesn't it? Is Bill simply therefore just, well, playing an actor's role as the club's Chairman?

The fact is, for all Kenwright's currency in stabilising Everton FC after the Park Hampers bloke left us in a puddle, he is now a very, very rich man through his gains from EFC but whose tenure has been one largely of mediocrity, and ultimately, abject failure. He must step down now, and take Denise Barrett-Baxendale with him.

That bad things do not happen to bad uns.

It is a matter of luck and rather than design to survive. There is no way this team is putting the necessary preparation in. Why? because they believe don't have too, as you say. There is a prevailing sense of entitlement that Premier League status is assured. Even Frank seems to buy into this with ' enough games left to recover'.

I also have long held the view that Internwtional Breaks are seen at Everton as a jolly , rather that periods for serious redress and work.

It is difficult to understand the sense of entitlement unless you think in terms of there being three ways of doing things.

The right way

The wrong way

The Everton way.

The Everton Way ignores the first two.

If the story is true that Everton can review Lampard's position at the end of the season without having to honour the rest of his contract, then they have given him a way out before he even started the job. Maybe that's why he looks like he is bewildered with how to get us out of the position we are in and doesn't know how to fix it.

First thing on TW I see John Daly has actually submitted an article. That's an auto-click for me, like death and taxes it's just gonna happen.

I'm utterly sick of seeing the sort of badly soul-shaken look on his mug normally sported by a porn starlet sixteen shots into a mass bukkake session.

Only one TW contributor could come up with that.

Everything written smacks true. We're absolutely in the poo and deserve to be due to a host of poor decisions, the singularly most glaring one the hiring of Rafa the Red.

I looked this morning, and for me this is all now very garishly simple. We must beat:
Burnley
Palace
Watford
Brentford

Twleve points with those four wins, puts us on 37 points which should see us to safety.

Great article John. I can't remember any post of yours or any submission that didn't intertwine that hyper-intelligence, humor and wit you possess. Warmed the cockles of my heart to read this first on TW after a 1.5 to 2 week hiatus.

But fuck me, it's grim.

What did you go with? Wins against Burnley and Watford with a draw against Brentford and a loss against Palace?

Or, darkly, does it even matter??? Seven points from remaining games and thirty-two total absolutely sees us down.

Hope against hope, maybe we win those twelve points I've said and pick up an American upset-style win and a few hard fought draws and reach 40 points?

One can dream.

The really conflicting part of this for me is that I truly like Frank Lampard and want to see what he can do if we stay up. God, please.

I'd say the following players are up for it, have given their all, and need to be the leaders in this relegation battle:

Richarlison
Coleman
Allan
Gordon

The above players may not be perfect, but by God they're busting their tails to do everything they can to keep us up in my opinion.

But I could only think of four off the top of my head. That's not good enough.

Others are on one day, off the next, or simply aren't showing up / go hiding. They all need to step up in a major way.

I hope you found writing it cathartic. But I certainly think this is many levels below your usual standard. (Even if the comments from fellow TWers BTL disagree). I didn't think this was interesting, illuminating or even mildly amusing to be honest. But it did convey a level of deep frustration and anger many Evertonians can directly relate to. For that, I thank you for writing it.

On 30 minutes, as the 3rd goal goes in, Mordor will erupt with going down, going down. Yet Boys Pen Bill will still claim we had some good times.

Fuck off, Bill, please.

Either enough of the players will ‘wake-up / grow a pair' to mount a rescue mission or they won't; if they don't then the hierarchy will revisit things with Frank Lampard and make a decision on whether to stick or twist then. Why does that last bit make things easier for Lampard?

Surprised that some people have already written off Lampard. I actually think he really does get the bigger picture and has the makings of a good manager but the problem is getting the players to react sufficiently (which is a great deal compared to their usual complacency) without over-reacting and getting jittery.

If we go down, then the post-season review will have to decide whether he never had and never will have it in his locker to massively improve us or whether the players simply let him down, and then take it a step further and decide whether he is capable of what will likely be root-and-branch rebuild, no matter how this season ends.

Firstly, the critics here saying this isn't John's best piece -

Here's a Porsche, Mercedes, and ('Merican style) decked out Ford F150. One might be better than the other, but they're all fuckin' great.

Secondly there's a stupid amount of good points in this article, framed with fantastic analogies and puns, that are all spot on. I've read thousands of articles on this site, and criticizing John is like asking Our Lord Jesus to "do a little better".

That Sermon on the Mount was good, but your Prodigal Son parable doesn't stack up...

C'mom people.

The only criticism I'll agree with is DT's: Eugene, stop lurking.

I'm glad you enjoyed it, but it's a rambling rant mate. If this piece is a Porsche it's one that's been stolen and burnt out for insurance purposes. If it's a Ford F150 it's one that's been rusting in a field on flat tires for about a decade. In other words, a sad example of its type rather than best in class.

I love John's stuff, he's one of the few people I'd love to be able to match with the written word. There are numerous examples of his stuff that I know I could never possibly approach in terms of quality.

This really isn't one of them.

If true, and known by the players, then this is a big error on behalf of the board. Can our players really be so difficult to inspire and instruct?

I think Frank looks worried because the methods he and his coaches have tried to instill have failed to work. I think it is undermining him in the eyes of the players, who will want to get results, just like the rest of us. If his methods don't work, the players blame the methods, not each other.

Today, we will discover whether the lads can roll their sleeves up and put in a shift against a side that has gone off the boil a little of late, and has an important Europa League tie midweek. If we do our usual 20 minutes of bright play and 70 minutes of disjointed crap, then we will go on to Wednesday for the relegation decider with Burnley, with our confidence even lower. Get a point in London and we will travel up to Turf Moor with renewed hope.

However, if Frank plays only two in the middle at the London Stadium, then the players would be right to have little faith in his methods.

You don't need to motivate a guy who thought he was never going to play again, because he was dying!!

I prefer to embrace it as a fuller embodiment of the English language, totally genuine in its depth and purity, no holds barred – these bad words of which you speak after all have a tremendous heritage and etymology that is a direct reflection of our culture and background, they should be celebrated – not prissily obfuscated by asterisks.

But calling Michael Keane a 'motherfucker' is really quite deplorable.

I betrayed the trust of the Editors. I deprived other contributors, readers and…well, I can't say winners, so I'll just say players… of their opportunity to celebrate and be celebrated for their extraordinary work this season. I am heartbroken. I tried to pen an ascetic piece but because of my Lilliputian sized lexicon, I just c**t.

I want to put the focus back on those who deserve attention for their non-profane words and allow ToffeeWeb to get back to the incredible work it does to support creativity and artistry in fan comments. So, I am resigning from membership in the ‘Academy of Writing About How Wank Everton Are And (School Of) Sciences' and will accept any further consequences the Board deems appropriate.

But if I'd written this. I'd have reread it and hit delete. That's how bang average it was. My Australian based bluenose niece lurks here sometimes and read it. She asked me on whatsapp if you perhaps have a problem with women?

There's no end of ways one can respond to critics. A dignified silence? Thanking the majority of posters who greatly enjoyed it? Being passive aggressive because some of us had the temerity to think it was actually pretty shite was not the response I expected from you, but it's been a surprising few years I guess. Expect the unexpected.

Never meet your (virtual) heroes is the lesson I'm taking from it all. One might assume someone so acerbic with the written word would have a reasonably thickish skin of their own. Who knew?

There's a silver lining in every cloud. I no longer have to wonder why someone so brilliant with the written word is banging out gems on an Everton blog for one. And I'm much less in awe of your talent than I was even a few minutes ago. There's probably more, but you get the point.

If you're doing resignations then I suppose this is where I submit my own. Would the "John Daley wrote this so I must read it" ToffeeWeb society please accept my resignation with immediate effect?

Ta and tooroo.

As for your own resignation (and slightly worrisome expressions of equal parts past admiration/present abhorrence), then far rather that than follow any further down whatever weird Robert Ford trajectory you seem to be on.

Unfortunately, having shown no backbone, interest, belief or talent, they will be spending their £millions, chasing the dreams they didn't have the bollocks to achieve. Sad, but self-inflicted.

Everton Football Club is a major club and should be knocking on the door for prizes, but the management team for over 25 years haven't shared that ambition. If Everton do get relegated, it won't change the attitude of many of its fans, we will still demand the best, even if we can't achieve it.

If people in the early 1950s viewed the club in the same way as you do, we'd have remained in the lower divisions, but I do agree that the financial mismanagement is bordering on criminal and how any of the board can show their faces in public is beyond my comprehension, they should be totally ashamed of themselves.

Someone that has managed to articulate my own frustration!

The Brewster's Millions being a workable business model has me chuckling.

‘I'm utterly sick of seeing the sort of badly soul-shaken look on his mug normally sported by a porn starlet sixteen shots into a mass bukkake session' might the the best sentence I've ever read in my life. I do not say that lightly.

You've managed to capture Keane's 'rabbit in headlights' demeanour which such clarity, it's poetic.

Everton players…. this is what you're doing to us. You're literally breaking our hearts.

You're welcome to your opinion but being objective, reading the comments; enough people enjoyed the article, and the flamboyant language, to justify its inclusion

Hence, on this one, I'm afraid you're wrong