Rock Bottom

If losing four home games in a row, including twice to the bottom team, wasn’t bad enough, the antics of an inept, arrogant board behaving like a collapsing East European dictatorship, have dragged the club to a lower point than any I can remember in over 50 years of supporting. If any directors of other clubs are asking, ‘What would the Everton board do’, it’s only because they want to piss themselves laughing.

But the board don’t matter now. They haven’t shot themselves in the foot, they have blown the whole bloody leg off. There is no way back for them. They will go in due course.

As for the team, right now, it looks like we’ve got no money for new players. A creative loan here or there might be the best we can hope for. It also looks like we can’t afford to sack and pay off Lampard and his coaching team. It’s an ugly trap, a perfect football storm, all of our own board’s making.

So, assuming it doesn’t go completely tits-up against West Ham and Lampard is still at the helm next week, where do we go from here? I have flirted with the idea of Dele Alli returning, rediscovering his form and leading us out of the mire but what a desperate hope that is. It looks like he can’t be bothered anymore and it would apparently cost us millions if he played a game or two for us.

All we are left with is motivation. Can Frank Lampard motivate? It might help if he had a smoke before games, chilled out a bit and took a few risks. At the moment, he is picking more or less the same team, playing the same way and getting the same results. For God’s sake, just be bold, man!

A few things stick out a mile. Gueye can only do one thing well: break up play in front of a back four – don’t ask him to do anything else or just leave him out altogether. Onana and Iwobi are at least offering something; get them into the game in offensive areas as much as possible. Get someone playing around Calvert-Lewin, he can’t do it on his own. If Maupay can do one thing, it is this.

The wide players are erratic, so pick one and change him if it’s not his day, and then change him again if necessary – they could have 30 minutes each. Use subs, you’ve got 5, you know.  You can sub the wide man twice, replace Mina and still have two left.

Play Mina for as long as you can, he seems to frighten some opposition. One of your favourites, Coady or Tarkowski, will have to go. Make a decision about Mykolenko, he offers very little going forward. If you’re playing 3 centre-backs, play Vinagre, if he’s still around, there has got to be more threat down the left. And why isn’t Holgate involved? He was up for the fight last season.

The most shocking aspect of last Saturday for me wasn’t the pathetic declaration of a propaganda war by the board on its own fans, it was the reaction of the crowd to the players at the final whistle. The outburst of booing and “You're not fit to wear the shirt” chanting was not what I expected.

We didn’t do it last season and didn’t have morons chasing the players down the street either. The effect on the players of that chanting is yet to be seen. Hopefully, it’s out of our system now and we can get back to unqualified support right to the end.

So, Frank, you seem to be an intelligent man. Motivate them. Dust off some speeches or some quotes and bloody well motivate them. Be Bold!!!

For some strange reason, the only man I could remember quotes from when writing history essays years ago was Franklin D Roosevelt, so here’s one of his that will do for now:

“There are many ways of going forward, but only one way of standing still.”

Go forward, Frank, and if it doesn’t work, change it and go forward again.

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