Coleman's chest defines Cherries catastrophe

Bournemouth 2 - 1 Everton

What an utterly dismal display from Everton, underlined by a ludicrous winning goal for the home side that Seamus Coleman chested bizarrely into his own net after Beto had seemingly salvaged an unlikely point.

Sean Dyche had Dele Alli, Lewis Dobbin and Arnaut Danjuma ruled out due to injury and lack of fitness, with Mykolenko also missing this one due to illness.

Coleman started with Calvert-Lewin up front in place of Mykolenko and Beto, respectively, the Ukranian coming down with flu. Gomes and Gana on the bench with Lewis Warrington promoted from the Under-21s.

Bright spring sunshine and a cloudless sky on the south coast with Blues playing in their silver-grey strip as the home side got things underway.  Everton benefitted from a poor clearance but Calvert-Lewin was offside when the ball was played to him.

Onana forced a turnover and released Godfrey but he turned tail and McNeil's deep cross was too far away from goal to threaten, with The Cherries mounting their first attack. Semenyo forced one of those horrible parries from Pickford straight to Cook who wellied it over. 

The home side won the first corner and almost snuck it in at the near post, Pickford blocking it with his body. Everton tried to build but it was ponderous and they were almost caught on the turnover. Tarkowski committed a foul, Kluivert smacking it into the Everton wall. Everton drove forward but Doucoure stumbled on the ball and any momentum was lost. 

Doucoure got the ball in to Calvert-Lewin and he was able to turn and shoot but it was deflected behind for a corner that Calvert-Lewin won at the far post but could do nothing with it. A couple more Everton corners didn't really threaten.

A midfield free-kick was completely wasted when sent backwards to Pickford and punted up to Neto. But a better cross in won another corner that came to Calvert-Lewin in a poor position at the far side of the area and he could do nothing with it. 

Everton worked the ball forward slowly until it was clipped forward to Calvert-Lewin in the channel and he could not bring the ball down. The Cherries got forward and won a couple of corners that led to nothing.

Calvert-Lewin timed his run wrong again for a Garner forward pass.  Coleman did well to resist a challenge by two players but Doucoure committed a foul. McNeil had to dribble backwards into his own area and have Pickford clear. Godfrey did well to halt Semenyo. 

Branthwaite was a little too casual with a couple of needless turnovers but got away with it. Onana was dragged down by Solanke, requiring treatment to his shoulder. 

A Pickford free-kick was headed on by Calvert-Lewin and played back to him for a decent strike on target but Neto pushed it behind, with the ensuing corner out of play beyond the far post. Calvert-Lewin won a throw-in but it was played straight out over the goal-line. 

A Neto clearance was picked up but McNeil's sidefoot strike was well off target. Another free-kick not used very well — just lumped forward for Doucoure to try and do something with it.

Doucoure, ball-chasing, bundled Adams over for an unnecessary free-kick that was sent sailing past Pickford's far post. If you wanted to watch a game of the lowest quality in the Premier League, that's what this was turning into: 40 minutes of mind-numbing dross.

Doucoure was fouled (not given) and then Onana came in strongly and he was booked. Cook's free-kick was thankfully awful. but there was some manhandling by Branthwaite on Adams that could have been punished and  Bournemouth hit the post before they won a corner and caused some serious havoc until Everton were able to clear.  

Harrison went in strongly but also got away with it but there was another foul, a home free-kick and a scrappy corner won, Everton just about clearing it before Mepham fouled.  It had become very scrappy in the last 5 minutes before the break, which came as a welcome if temporary respite from the utter mundanity on display. 

Everton got forward from the restart but put the ball harmlessly behind. An Everton free-kick in midfield, hoofed forward too far by Pickford. No sign of anything improving. Harrison and Douccore looked to break but neither wanted to take any responsibility with the ball and what should have become a brilliant chance…  didn't.

Bournemouth got the ball forward and it needed a few blocks before Pickford saved Tavenier's shot well, parrying it away. At the other end, Tavenier fouled Tarkowski setting up a great opportunity for Garner to put in a decent ball just sailed harmlessly behind. Absolutely shocking lack of quality.  

Solanke looked to run with the ball and Coleman covered very well to stop him shooting.  Bournemouth attack was broken up and the ball found Calvert-Lewin but he doubled-back, wanting support. Adams caught Calvert-Lewin's ankle and he went down for an obvious penalty... that wasn't even appealed by the Everton players or considered by the referee or the VAR!!!

Bournemouth won a corner and it looked like Semenyo could pivot and strike but he hit it into the ground, a lucky escape for the Blues. A pretty decent cross came in but Calvert-Lewin was two steps behind it as Everton won a corner and McNeil seemed to work the ball in well but hit the post and off a Bouremnouth player and behind. 

Garner, McNeil and Calvert-Lewin tried some tippy-tappy movement into the home penalty area but Calvert-Lewin had just ventured offside again. Another moment of massive danger in the Everton area as the ball fell for Tavenier but he drove it wide. 

Another slow Evertpmn attack broke down and the Cherries drove forward for the sub who had just come on, Kelly to swing in a perfect cross for Solanke to head home from 3 yards out with Pickford stuck on his line making no attempt to come out and punch the cross away. Shocking. 

Everton tried to build but Doucoure could only put the ball meaninglessly into vacant space and out for a goalkick. Branthwaite went down in some pain, to add to Everton woes. 

Semenyo looked to punish Everton more on the break but his cross went harmlessly across goal. At the other end, an Onana shot goes all the way to the corner flag. Time for a Dyche masterstroke: bring on the Old Guard, Gomes and Young for Doucoure and Harrison.

Everton won a corner but could create nothing from it. Tarkowski had to floor Solanke for a yellow card to stop him breaking away. But Bournemouth looked brighter for their subs, and were giving Everton more of a workout at the wrong end of the pitch. 

Beto came on for Onana but Everton were still struggling for even a spark of creativity from set-pieces which were invariably wasted. A ball forward to Calvert-Lewin was completely misjudged and again, just drifted out behind. 

A better move led by Beto was headed behind for a corner but it fell to a Bournemoth player. Hwever, Everton were able to recycle until Beto headed it weakly to Neto instead of Calvert-Lewin. Young ended up tripping.

At the other end, Solanke almost got a second off what looked to be a poor error by Pickford and he was very lucky to survive it. A ball came over and Beto looked to have fouled Neto, but he had dropped the ball and it was an n easy finish from the big man. Err... Game On! 

Bournemouth came close with a series of good crosses that won corners which needed some serious defending. Kelly pushed Tarkowski in the chest but the officials let it go. 

From nothing, a bizarre Bournemouth cross in to no-one from a throw-in was chested into the Everton goal by who else but Captain Fantastic, Seamus Coleman. Utterly astounding! 

The game became end to end to the last few minutes of added time with Everton's utter misery. They huffed and puffed a little more but Bournemouth defended the last remnants of attack in a sorry, sorry display from the utterly hapless Blues. 

Bournemouth: Neto, Smith, Mepham, Zabarnyi, Kerkez (63' Kelly), Adams, Cook, Semenyo, Kluivert (73' Ouattara), Tavernier (73' Billing), Solanke [Y:30'] (84' Unal). 

Subs: Faivre, Scott, Hill, Aarons, Travers.

Everton:  Pickford, Coleman, Tarkowski [Y:76'], Branthwaite, Godfrey, Onana [Y:42'] (79' Beto), Garner, Doucoure (72' Gomes), Harrison (72' Young), McNeil, Calvert-Lewin.

Subs:  Virginia, Patterson, Keane, Gana, Chermiti, Warrington.

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