Dominic Calvert-Lewin opens up about the emotional strain during the Blues’ recent relegation struggles

People look at PL players and think, wealthy, famous, spoiled, big cars, flash... what's to cry about? But to work so hard in your youth to achieve that career and then see your prime sabotaged by one injury after another -- Dom's had I think 8 in four years -- must be emotionally shattering.

Just as I don't want international bankers complaining about the high pressure they work under as they rake in the dosh, I'd rather not be hearing from pro footballers about their 'mental health'.

We didn't hear about it in the past; we all recognise they are elite performers, but if the temperature is too hot, get out of the kitchen.

You know, a minimum wage one. Then you will be stressed.

Pressure is having a minimum wage job and a family to feed.

Pressure is running a struggling business and not knowing whether you can pay staff wages this month.

Sitting on your arse in the treatment room knowing that tens or hundreds of thousands of pounds will be paid into your bank account at the end of the month irrespective of whether you perform or not…….

If it did, people wouldn't have most of the mental health issues we hear so much about.

I've got 3 kids and we've had times not knowing where the next meal was coming from. Luckily those times have come and gone but these overpaid millionaires really have no idea what real stress is. God bless his diamond studded white socks.

I am sure other posters, more knowledgeable on the subject of mental health than me, will be able to provide a far better discussion.

We did the right thing letting Doucoure leave, no sentiments. Calvert-Lewin has been sat on his contract all season, refusing to sign a new one, he waited for the big money offers and a huge signing on fee. We owe absolutely nothing to Calvert-Lewin, he had the chance to go Newcastle last season, but money was not big enough and cost us a player exchange in the bargain.

Time we shook hands with the player, bid him Bon Voyage, and bring a proven centre-forward in to replace him, out with the old and in with the new, no more sentimental signings, time to move on and recruit better players.

Could this be a start of a climb-down from Dom? I hope so as long as it leads to a firm commitment. Be good to have an England International available.

TW would be a shadow of its current self if we followed that idea!

I wasn't trying to stifle anyone's comments. Just that DCL has mentioned his previous mental health issues and basically the same comments come out indicating that he really has no idea about the pressures of life etc for reasons offered. Everyone has pressures and it affects them differently. Having money certainly helps some to cope and get through but not all.

Anyway, I guess you know what I was alluding to.

I'm a fan of Calvert-Lewin. There are a lot of blues who can't stand him (for whatever reason), but I like him as a player and he seems like a gent. Hopefully he can stay healthy and play regular football, even if it's somewhere else.

After his retirement from playing, he was in the Australian Test cricket teams changing rooms after a day's play, talking to one of the players who said to Miller that he didn't understand the pressure that today's players are under compared to his day.

Miller replied, "Pressure is diving at 2000 feet with a Meschersmitt up your arse; this is just a game."

- 12.5% of men in the UK have a mental health disorder.
- Men are 3 times more likely than women to die by suicide.
- The rate of men who are likely to die from alcohol-specific causes is double that of women.

The biggest problem is men don't talk about it, so I appreciate Dominic doing so.

...........but then you do!

For professionals like Dom who can be financially independent at the end of their career, they have done so with the prospect of no life thereafter?

Try a sense of humour from time to time.

Going to a psychiatrist, getting uppers and downers from the doctor… none of this is going to help the vast majority in my view. We didn't have these problems years ago, we need to retrace our steps and see where we as a society have gone wrong.

Get the contract sorted then tell us all about it. Whether you are still an Everton player should make no difference to those who truly care.

No one lives in Dom's shoes; if you've been injured as a pro sportsman (or even amateur), it's an absolute nightmare. German bombers up yer arse or not but point taken.

Dom hasn't experienced that pressure but believe me will have experienced a lot even getting to where he has. No one coasts into pro sports. Give the lad a break

Maybe that was a more manly way to deal with your demons? I think Dom's approach is better though.

Kevin #22, whilst I agree that the issues with men's mental health seems to be getting worse, society has had the problem for a long time.

My grandad committed suicide in 1966 and my dad's best mate did too in the late 80s. As I say, it is not a recent issue. Our family had no idea of my grandad's mental state and neither did my dad's mates family.

So maybe the perceived higher numbers today can at least be partly contributed to men opening up and actually talking about their issues and demons.

Perhaps by Calvert-Lewin opening up, it has actually saved his life and potentially the lives of others by following his example.

I was trained to deal with others' trauma as a manager given what we experienced.

I won't bore you with the detail, but I witnessed things I wish I hadn't. It affected me. I still reflect.

Thankfully, I came back home in one piece to be with my family and friends. Others went home in wooden boxes or without limbs. I had family, friends, football and Everton.

Afghanistan was the best enforced diet I went on. I came back 2 stone lighter.

For a while, I was very intolerant of people. In hindsight, I didn't expect them to understand, but at the time I did. But it wasn't worth trying to explain.

If the lad has suffered, I can understand it.

Let's just hope he get's his head back on football. It is a channel that can help you escape.

Talking about it is the best way, not trying to be a man.

No matter who you are or what you do, stress can disable you as a person. Calvert-Lewin is brave to come out and discuss this openly. I just wish more people would as it just might get someone to seek the help they need to cope with it and stop it from ruining lives.

We've been doing exactly this now for some years and, as some have noted, the problem ain't going away. I have seen no evidence at all that the Mental Health industry that has grown up over the last couple of decades or has led to any improvement at all. In fact, it seems to me that it's had a deleterious effect on men. We are even more confused as to how to behave.

An example that springs to mind is on Grand Old Team, they have a mental health thread where people go on there to get things off their chest. It is a disconcertingly depressing thing to read through those entires, there is a real gloom and negativity, you can almost sense the demons feasting on it all.

We may think that being nice or encouraging people to talk a lot about how the feel is a good thing, but we don't really know, do we.

We are all different, I need to take medication to calm me, it's in my DNA — I can't change it. If you're naturally laid back, you're lucky.

I agree with Steves comments @ 17, women had it very rough for a long time; now it seems men are the poor relation.

It's all commercially driven, women usually hold the purse strings now, so companies naturally want to portray them in charge.

Are you saying that they don't? Excuse me while I roll my eyes back.

Research tells us the money beyond a certain amount doesn't make us any happier. Anecdotally, many of the most miserable people I've met in life have tons of money.

But beyond that, the vitriol that comes the way of professional athletes is something no person deserves. It may not actually be life and death, but the way supporters talk about players online and at the matches, and the weight of carrying a team knowing how much that team losing or being relegated impacts hundreds of thousands of people, and the threats that get sent to players and their families — well, it sure must feel like life or death to them.

We've created a modern-day monster with how much pressure we heap upon our own players, I'd bet the mental health effects on them are far worse than we think. Nevermind what happens when they retire and their entire identity from age 10 and up gets upended, and they don't know where to turn.

Sure, don't feel bad for insane wages they get, but I wouldn't wish stardom or celebrity on anyone. Calvert-Lewin will always be a class act in my book.

Put yourself in a situation where you lose a business through ill health (heart attacks) and no income at all. Even the state wouldn't give me a payment having paid taxes and stamps for 40 years.

Oh, by the way, I couldn't afford to cry and feel sorry for myself… Wake up, lad, and smell the coffee.

After reading the comments here, I hope he does.

"If, one day, we all are allowed to put our troubles on a table and exchange them, I'm sure that, after few moments, everyone would silently take back their Own."

It is quite sad that Calvert-Lewin's comments are immediately related to his earnings and profession - as if he should be immune from mental health problems? He's a human just like the rest of us.

I appreciate his comments and hopefully it helps with the wider battle against mental health, especially in young men. It's so easy to disparage comments like these, but we have no idea what's going on in people's heads.

Look at Gary Speed, from the outside he had everything. I know his family wish he'd have had the bravery to be open about his own struggles.

If we have player(s) who can't cope with the pressure, there are plenty out there who can and do. No room for sentiment. Good bye, good luck and take your healthy severance cheque as you exit the door.

As for Brian @9 and Ed @ 33 saying "he gambled and lost and now it's fucked up his mental health", this happened a few seasons earlier, nothing to do with his contract, a very sad reflection.

Feeling pressure and having mental health problems can affect anyone, money doesn't solve everything. As for the argument this never happened years ago, think back to the drink culture, it was a different name back then.

Any problems you have should remain private.

Those who haven't throw stones from the cheap seats. Pay zero attention to those people. They know not what they speak of.

Some seem to be taking out their own feelings on DCL.

I always remember my McMillan nurse saying to me " You must be angry and asking yourself, why me?"

I said, "To be honest, no, the way I look at it is why not me?"

I met many people during my journey, some poor, some really well off.

One in particular stands out. He used to be my dentist and went on to own a really successful practice, owned a yacht. He was minted, a really nice fella.

I almost didn't make it. He didn't. All his money didn't save him. When he was fighting his fight his money didn't make the fight easier.

Those decrying DCL because bad things have happened to them really surprise me because when "things" do happen it tends to instil a certain amount of empathy and understanding towards others struggling with "things."

Reading some of the posts,which I personally find abhorrent, makes me realise that's not the case for everyone.

Paul#45.

There are no hard and fast rules about what people should and shouldn't share. That's a bit of a silly thing to post.

Not quite sure what they thought it would be about.

I think you are assuming that 'being understanding' and 'encouraging people to open up' is the correct way to deal with mental issues. It may very well not be.

The dialoguing and more caring attitude may have set our society back. People with this perspective I think are entitled to hold to this view without being accused of being abhorrent.

Ad hominem criticisms should have no place in discussions like this. We have had too few debates about the right way to proceed; too often, the people with the loudest voices bulldoze the rest, often in the name of advertising their virtue.

Our society now seems in a worse condition than at any time in the last 100 years, two world wars notwithstanding. So it's not like we've been making all the right calls to get to here, is it?

I hope no transfer targets read ToffeeWeb or get pointed in the general direction of it. If this is a cross section of our fan base, then I wouldn't join the club.

This is a lad who we signed for peanuts, who broke into the England squad playing for us, blatantly played through injuries, got slated when he came off injured, had abuse aimed at his wife through social media and has obviously been affected by it all.

Money or not – he was on the crest of a wave and was cruelly struck down by injuries.

If you don't think speaking about your mental health is the way to go then fine, don't. Calvert-Lewin's endured years of abuse from 'fans' of the team he plays for, including abuse to his partner. He's said he was in tears because he felt so low at his situation. To tell him to shut his mouth and get on with it because he earns a load of money is an absolute disgrace.

I don't come on here as much as I used to and I think that'll probably carry on after reading this.

You missed and haven't understood at all what I've found abhorrent, but aside from that, I really can't put into words my thoughts on someone saying that a more caring attitude has set our society back.

I'm taking off from the thread now because some of the posts make me feel like I need a wash.

In the name of 'being caring', little kids have had surgery rendering them permanently infertile. It seems impossible to have a debate without being accused of having the worst of motives.

I think people have a generic view of mental health when it is entirely an individual set of circumstances that can become a cause of suffering. If you have had the misfortune to go through something like this, then you know; if you haven't, then you don't.

If you haven't then it may be best to keep your ill judged, idiotic comments to yourself. It's common knowledge that men are far more reticent in opening up to having issues. Keep a stiff upper lip, comparing the heroes who fought in wars is for the birds.

Society has changed immeasurably, for better and for worse. As an aside for people who might wonder how I know, I suffered a huge mental breakdown years ago; I am still trying to deal with the fallout.

I have known people with huge salaries, massive houses, flash cars, and on the outside wonderful lifestyles, succumb to what Churchill called the Black Dog.

Mental health issues are real, please don't mock people who are going through something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

I don't feel the need to judge my fellow supporters for their opinions on the matter. Our views from 20+ years ago are so different from today in many areas of life, and they will continue to change into the future. I lack the certainty of some on here about what is "right", or if there is an absolute "right" at all.

In fact, I don't think Anjishnu has watched it either. I posted about how I was surprised it wasn't being discussed here - https://ToffeeWeb.com/season/24-25/comment/fanscomment/46221.html#1491093 - and this thread went up almost immediately afterwards but with only the stuff that has been reported in the press. The above article is just rehashed from existing reports.

The episode itself was really interesting. Dom's mental health was discussed, but it's not really what the episode was about. It covered so much ground and I think the above has done him a disservice. I expect that of the Mail or the Mirror... not ToffeeWeb.

I'd definitely encourage blues to watch it. You get a great insight into a player's view of Carlo, Seamus, relegation fears, how ownership turmoil impacted the players, end of contract thinking, one-on-ones...

I can't be bothered to argue, it's the usual suspects, the same old ignorance and bigotry. I agree, Ed, I often think that about possible transfer targets, what if they took a peek at this site, many would run a mile.

However, I've seen some of these High Performance episodes/podcasts on YouTube so might just wait to see if the Calvert-Lewin one appears there.

I'll definitely be listening to more of them.

In the pod, he takes responsibility for the poor timing of his fashion gig even though it wasn't his fault.

He calls wearing the No 9 shirt and the associated pressure a privilege.

He's scored important goals for us v Palace and beating the shite and is vying to be our top scorer in the Premier League era.

Yes he's not top top class but he's ours (for a few weeks anyway) and if we'd show him some love then he might be ours for longer and recapture the form that catapulted him to England level.

Sadly, I think he'll leave but we don't half get on some players' backs for some reason… even when they open up emotionally.

And for those suggesting the podcast was some kind of therapy in itself: No, it wasn't. He was explaining himself.

But then if you've already formed a view, then you've formed a view, eh…

Trevor #54, I don't know you as I do Brian -- with whom I share a profound experience of survival -- but I salute both your experience and your eloquence.

Kevin #49, in my opinion one of the failings of today's society is a failure of courage and an unwillingness to accept responsibility for words and deeds, straight up, without misdirection or deflection. You expressed views that some here find abhorrent, and they said so. And you responded with the deliberately false statement that you had been accused of being abhorrent, rather than your views. That is a perfect example of the deflection I'm talking about.

To portray yourself as a victim of "ad hominem criticisms" is simply untrue. It was your comments that were criticized. Not you.

'Your views are abhorrent'' or people saying they need to have to take a wash after reading posts, these are beyond engaging with the argument on an arm's length basis.

And I'm not wound up, it always happens like this, it's very difficult to swim against the tide without receiving this sort of feedback. It's how we make so many bad decisions. The groupthink kicks in and dissenters are flung to the winds. Remember Covid?

It is a perfectly respectable position to maintain that how we deal with mental health in this country in the last couple of decades leaves a lot to be desired, and that doubling down on the 'let it all out' may not be the way to go.

Encouraging someone who is depressed to tell the world all their problems, it may feel uplifting in the moment, but it may well be entirely counterproductive.

People can literally talk themselves into a tailspin sometimes, a situation which may have rectified itself naturally after a few days of feeling down. The current vogue is to go to the doctor, then the therapist, and then it's off to Big Pharma for a little prescription.

And then you really can end up in a spin, cos Big Pharma, they really don't have your best interests at heart. And the doctors, well a lot of them are incentivised to push their products.

Obviously the above scenario doesn't fit all or even most cases, but I'm sure the stiff upper lip of the past often did stand someone in good stead who was going through a temporary difficulty.

So we need to push back a bit on all this, in my view.

When you have mental health issues you have to try if possible to accept your situation and engage and do the best you can to address your issues.

I can understand Posters frustration with this when that they have and are dealing with worse themselves .

I fully sympathise with D C-L's own issues and his honesty and strength in going public. As others have said, his physical injuries aren't his fault; he just seems to be one of those players who frequently pick up strains which then keep him out for weeks, if not months.

However, when he's physically fit, his scoring record of less than 1 goal (including penalties) in every 4 games is abysmal. If we're to have any chance of moving forward, we must have better than that.

Pay people and they'll always be at their best.

Seems a bit fanciful to me.

Yes we did. It exhibited itself in alcoholism, spousal abuse, violence in all aspects of life. My uncle committed suicide in the 70s due to depression, and I know he didn't talk to anyone about it.

Rather than trying to politicize every societal issue crisis to suit some own bizarre worldview, I suggest focusing on the lived experience of dealing with mental health issues as other posters have done.

I have an immediate family member who experiences depression and suicide ideation. Our day to day lives are spent persuading him that his life is worth living, he is loved and hoping that he won't try to kill himself again.

Having a national dialogue of mental wellbeing is about the humanisation of society; not the feminisation of it.

18 years and 3 months ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I asked what would happen if I did nothing and was told I probably had 6 months to live, and if the treatment didn't work, possibly 12 months. I was told the procedure would mean the removal of my tongue and jaw bone to which I replied that I'd go for the flying lessons before that.

I don't remember in the next 5 years what went on in the world or what Everton were doing but I can recall every minute of my treatment. It has left me without full use of my right arm (right arm over barely makes it above the waist these days), my molar and wisdom teeth were removed (during that op I had to be revived and that was the easy bit), I have no saliva glands and now have Hashimoto's disease complements of radiotherapy.

There were some things you didn't dare go near like how the kids would turn out and I lived by the mantra that today's been good let's see what tomorrow brings.

When, 5 years later, the Registrar who told me that it was malignant not benign said that she didn't get to say this very often but I had the all clear. As I left her office I started laughing which continued and I couldn't stop all through the 30 minute drive home.

A mental health issue? Possibly different strokes for different folks.

And now that delete button is looking at me again...

As Abraham Lincoln is quoted:

“And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.”

I have that on my wall.

Mental health is a real thing. Some deal and cope with it better than others. I'm a very traditional bloke, but I've learned, from friends and family to talk and not bottle it up.

I've coped well, others I know haven't.

Back on track, let's hope Dominic get's back on his game. It will be a release for whatever is going on in his head.

Everton are for me, but I'm not always sure that's a good thing!!!

You had something to live for and your amazing spirit that must have kept you going many times, eventually helped you win the battle, even though I'm sure you will still be living with quite a bit of pain.

I can imagine the pain of being in the spotlight at a time when you're simply not doing yourself justice for whatever reason, having a terrible effect on the brain though.

It's definitely diffident stokes for different folks, always has, always will be, especially when you have at times, been the only genuine centre forward, in a supposedly top level football club, and keep getting injuries that affect your performance levels.

Dominic has obviously got no money worries, but like a few people have alluded to, sometimes having all the money in the world simply doesn't make a blind bit of difference when life suddenly becomes very difficult.

“Players only love you when they're playing” or some players only feel worthy when they're playing well?

Ernie, thanks for the tip about accessing the app for free. I was surprised there wasn't a free option but didn't spot the 'x' button. I will persevere with it later...

Being in a shit space is not to be mocked at. Still here, but have to manage the downers. Won't go into detail. Every body should have a ear to talk to.

And that brings us back to Dom. We wouldn't be having these conversations without him.

I can easily pick maybe half a dozen things no one had to worry about before the last 20 years.

Typical grossly oversimplified ‘root-causing to pet hate' nonsense.

Thanks for your posts it took courage just to post your stories but a lot more than courage to persevere and carry on — best of luck and good health to both of you.

Different strokes for different folks indeed!

I don't particularly like Stan Collymore but his courage in speaking out about his mental health had a remarkable impact.

In Belfast and Derry, the suicide rate amongst young men is terrifying. High profile people speaking out is good.

[The phone rings]

Michael: “Bladdy hell. Who's this now?

"Hello? My name is…..Bob? Bob who?”

Bob: “Hoskins."

I'm fackin really straggling to get into character here, Maurice. These BT cunts
are giving it loads saying, ‘look Hoskins, just say “it's Robin Hood to talk” in that gruff voice of yours, chuck in a bit of cheeky cockney eye twinkle to top it off and the pie and mash will be in your bank account by Monday morning. Pretend you're talking to a cartoon rabbit if it helps'….but it's not as simple as that is it.

We may think that being nice or encouraging people to talk a lot about how they feel is a good thing, but we don't really know, do we.

It might be shite to talk. You know, in the long run. For society and that.

I think my character's more the ‘button-lipped, keep it all bottled up, don't say shit in case it reduces your sperm count' sort of bloke. A proper geezer. Swims against the tide. Keeps schtum. Think's caring and sharing is for soft cunts.
Would never cry… never… except maybe at that part in ‘Superman: the Movie' where Pa Kent is brown bread and Superman says “All those powers, and I couldn't even save him”, or the end of ‘The Elephant Man' where he lays himself down to sleep.

I mean, look at him, the Elephant Man. Was ‘it good to talk' for him? Was it fuck as like. He tried. He didn't half try, god bless him. He told them, “I'm slurrrrrp not sluurrrp an animal. I'm a slurrrrp human b..b…being” — and they still chased the poor sod all over Victorian London looking to lay into him. You should have stayed suffering in silence and kept the mask up, John. At least in facking public. Have some self-respect, son.

So you can see my dilemma, Michael. Sir Michael. The massive strain I'm under. My head's in bits over it all.”

Michael: “It's just a bloody advert, Bob. Man up.”

[CLICK]

Bob: “Hello…Hello…Maurice?”

Your lived experiences are really powerful.

As are people like Dominic who are willing to open up and share their battles.

Some people on here can't see it, but it's good to talk, people bottling things up makes it a lot harder mentally.

And Jeff, you didn't 'bottle it', it takes a stronger person to do the right thing.

Robert Enke was a very good goalkeeper who fought those dark clouds throughout his life and career, he was a very humble man who never ever wanted fame and fortune but just wanted to be recognised for what he was a genuine man who gave praise to other footballers but never cared much for praise himself, he thought of suicide a few times but with the help of his wife and family fought those thoughts away until he finally didn’t want to be here anymore and chose a hard way to leave this life ——throwing himself in front of an express train.

That was the way another very famous footballer, Hughie Gallagher chose to end his life.

As John Daly says @(85) Talking might not always be the right way but think of the many, many people who did listen and are are still with us today.

I'm very glad your delete button didn't win out that final time. And if we ever meet, the first round is on me.

Jeff #77, highest respects to you for sharing. Not an easy thing to do.

Brilliant Still working out on how many levels

We don’t know if he was close to suicide of not.
Maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t.

Mental health is an illness.
I’ve had it for my whole life. Through good and shit times.
But I don’t talk about it.
I deal with it by keeping busy and exercise.
Everton winning is the best for it.

It’s not talked about enough.

He’s an Everton player at the moment.
Maybe us being the best fans in the world should get behind him. Regardless of his salary.
We’re Everton,

I’d be depresssd to fuck playing up Dyche as well.

I wish him well.

All I said was that the terms cause my eyes to roll.

I don’t know how I could’ve been any gentler.

The new drugs that saved my life were discovered by small company researchers, but they were acquired and put through clinical trials by Pharma giants, and it was the giants who rolled them out in time and on a sufficient scale for me and tens of thousands of others who would not be alive today without them.

These companies may sometimes behave in a way that we find morally odious, but they serve an irreplaceable purpose in the pharmaceutical system. Big money matters. A lot. Especially now that the current US regime has determined that government funded medical research is largely a waste of money. All pediatric cancer research, for example, has been shut down at the federal level. Only big Pharma has the resources to pick up the slack. I just hope they do.

I was diagnosed with stage 3, high risk cancer about 12 years ago. It has returned three times and twice I have been treated with something that was not available at the time of my original diagnosis. I am tested 4 times a year and there has been no sign of it for the past 3 years.

There is some unwelcome ‘militant feminism’ around with companies working hard to remove ‘male advantage’ in industries where it hasn’t been apparent for decades. Unfortunately many HR people seem to go on the same courses and then act as if the issues are ubiquitous when they are not.

You don’t create equality by simply reversing the advantages.

I subsequently became a volunteer for Samaritans, which could be tough, sad, tragic, fascinating, and funny, sometimes all in the one phone conversation. I often felt helpless and useless, but many callers I talked with, listened to, said it had been very helpful just to be able to voice their feelings, and to have someone listen to them.

A few years ago, a friend committed suicide, and I found it hard to understand, so I became the caller to Samaritans. I was not suicidal, nor indeed depressed, just troubled. I found being able to talk about it to someone separate, anonymous, helped to straighten out my mind.

If you are troubled, talk to someone. Anyone who will listen.

I've never seen militant feminism in the workplace and don't know what you mean by that.

The most that any HR leader does is look to create equality of opportunity for all. The rest is up to the quality of the individual.

Poor marks for comprehension. “many HR people seem to go on the same courses and then act as if the issues are ubiquitous when they are not” is clearly not the same as stating there are “courses … that all HR people go on”.
And just because you haven't observed the ‘sisterhood' in action doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

Which industry are you in? That can make a huge difference. Mine has been split 50 / 50 for decades.

First proper job I had, I was the lone male with 9 female colleagues. I've had more female bosses than male ones. I believe generally women have been second class citizens in many workplaces, but it just isn't the reality everywhere.

My experience has been, for some reason, that women are either the very best people you work with or the very worst. There are obviously many who occupy the middle ground but they make up the extreme examples as well. And I've heard that backed up by plenty of colleagues of both genders.

“The most that any HR leader does is look to create equality of opportunity for all.” That's just not a statement anyone can actually back up. You are resorting to putting up a “mission statement” to debate the issue? Plenty of HR departments I've seen in operation are apparently primarily bothered about the protection of the hierarchy.

I work in Quality and can safely say not everyone in that role is as careful or as scrupulous as they should be.

I lay at your feet my earnest suspicion that many moderate and impeccably behaved men are struggling in workplaces where appreciation is very low because their female colleagues have more active support networks and the official help is too remote and impersonal.

Somewhere the patriarchy still needs to have its death-grip actively loosened for the good of eveyone's mental health?

Please don't assume it's the same everywhere, which seems to be the narrative that many are focussed on.