Colm's Corner
Columnist: Colm Kavanagh

Game, Set and Match, Billy Liar?
5 September 2004

Billy Liar

There can be no doubt that events of the past week have polarised opinions amongst the Everton community.  I�ll nail my colours to the mast right here and now � I was almost physically sick last Saturday week, watching kids outside Goodison playing up to Sky Sports cameras, each and every last kid putting the boot in to a lad no more than a year or two older.  From hero to zero in an instant for our now departed Golden Child.  How fickle we Evertonians can be, being spun by someone else�s tune.

And then�well, I nearly puked�kids fawning over Billy Liar as he held court, giving autographs aplenty to his adoring flock?  The wag in me might suggest some selective cutting on the Sky Sports editing room floor to spin the yarn that all Evertonians are now glad to see the back of the latest in a long line of Judas Greedy Bastards.  It�d be very cynical of me to highlight the fact that Sky�s roving reporter � (shout loudly) MR ALAN MYERS!!!!! � was once an employee of our once proud football club.

For those of us who trawl through every Internet rumour before reaching a conclusion as to what�s shite or what�s not shite, we�ve got to remember that there�s an awful lot of Evertonians out there who do not have access to the Internet, who are left reliant on the likes of the Liverpool Echo and Daily Post for their news about Everton.  In the current climate I pity them.  They have been spoon-fed an appalling amount of spun shite this past week.  "I feel numb," Bill Kenwright, told the Liverpool Echo this week, �but I got the best deal I could for Everton Football Club."

Know something?  There�s enough out there who actually believe that!

The best deal for Everton Football Club?

Well, yes, that�s a statement of fact � we have never sold a player for as much money in our history.  So stand up and take a bow, Wayne Rooney.  Thank you for your services, we�re cashing in the chips while we can.  Actually, stand up and take a bow Bob Pendleton, Peter McIntosh and the sterling efforts of all at the Youth Academy who nurtured this most precious of Evertonian talent into what he is today.  You deserve so much more for your efforts.  Some day the penny may drop with the custodians of Everton Football Club, that investment in the youth of tomorrow is a must.

However, �the best deal for Everton Football Club� as Bullshit Billy calls it, is also one helluva remarkable interest-free loan over six years for �the richest club in the world�, Manchester United.  They really must be pissing themselves laughing (all the way to the bank?).  The only money we are guaranteed to receive are two installments of �10M, 12 months apart, with a further �3M to follow, again on the drip, if and when he reaches the end of his first Manchester United contract.  A bit like Bullshit Billy, I too felt numb.  But my numbness was matched by my disbelief upon reading the small print of this deal �

Contingent payments of up to �7M payable on the occurrence of the following events during the next 5 years:

• Manchester United, European Champions League Winners - �1.0M
• Manchester United, European Champions League Runners Up - �0.5M
• FA Premiership Winners - �0.5M
• FA Premiership Runners Up - �0.25M
• FA Cup Winners - �0.15M
• Rooney signs an extension to his contract at Manchester United - �1.5M
• Rooney earns 20 England caps in competitive games whilst at United - �0.5M
• Rooney plays a further 20 England caps in competitive games whilst at United - �0.5M

Even if these events do not occur, Everton will receive �3.0M provided Rooney remains registered to Manchester United until 30 June 2007.  This sum will be payable in equal installments of �1.0M on 1st August 2006, 2007 and 2008 if not already paid via the above incentives.

• If the player is transferred from Manchester United then Everton will receive 25% of any excess sum over all amounts paid under this agreement.

Where�s the clause saying we�ll receive �5M if Rooney walks on the moon for crissakes?!

Must we really require Manchester United to be successful in order to �earn� more money from the hawking of Wayne Rooney from our Club to another?  Is there potential for a conflict of interest to arise, now that we have a financial interest in United�s success story?

A journey of 39 miles down the East Lancs Road with a cheque for �10M and a bookful of IOUs (subject to conditions) has seen them spirit our finest prospect back to Old Trafford.  That�s all it took folks � despite the fact that Bullshit Billy says he has Russian money incoming (not forgetting his �loan� from Philip Green) and Paul Gregg has already promised us some major investment.  That�s a lot of imaginary money for any Evertonian to handle in these cash strapped times.  Incidentally, before I go any further � did you read the article in Private Eye about our would-be �Russian investors�?  Do we honestly expect any investment to be forthcoming from this source in the coming weeks?

It�ll be interesting to see what state the Club is in come 1 January 2005.  Those who still believe every utterance from Bullshit Billy will fully expect to see David Moyes (if still in a job) armed to the hilt with a transfer war chest in excess of �10M.  Actually, should we not all expect it to exceed this figure considering the money Bill�s managed to squeeze out of Philip Green (DO NOT SUGGEST IT PLACES EVERTON INTO FURTHER DEBT � IT�S A LOAN!)? 

Excellent.  Bullshit Billy will not have to declare, in public, a further desire to sell his houses in order to facilitate the purchase of a player.  What odds on the manager�s new-found loot actually being drastically reduced?  If I was a betting man I�d anticipate further frustration ahead for Evertonians deluded into thinking we�re flush once more.

WE ARE FURTHER IN DEBT.  Any more Rooneys to sell there, Bill?  It was very interesting to read this week, in the Liverpool Echo, Business Editor Bill Gleeson enthuse over Everton�s newly found financial wealth.  He wrote, �Just a few days ago, the club was facing the possibility of administration within the next few months as it struggled to meet its debts and looked likely to exceed its agreed �5M overdraft facility with Barclays Bank.�  Now, I do not possess his business acumen, but when I read that last sentence, the one thing to hit me, square in the face, was that True Blue Holdings are � and remain � wholly responsible for the very sorry mess that is Everton Football Club today.  Their gross financial mismanagement � and hey, folks, that includes the man so vehemently defended by many, Bill Kenwright - has placed us on the doorstep of administration. Everton Football Club, once the School of Science, the Millionaires Club � now teetering on the verge of administration. Gulp!

Hey, don�t blame me for sounding paranoid� the Business Editor of the Liverpool Echo is saying the same and he�s writing for a paper that�s in Bill�s (empty) back pocket!  This is the same newspaper that has refused to question the detail of the Rooney transfer.  The very same newspaper that, on the eve of the home game against West Brom, assisted in the campaign to put the boot into our now ex-hero.  This is the very same newspaper that continues to toe the party line emanating from within Goodison Park. 

• If the newspaper labels Wayne Rooney a greedy so and so, then he must indeed be one. 
• If the newspaper reports that funds are being made available for David Moyes then it must be so. 
• If the newspaper reports that Bullshit Billy is working through the night, doing his best to secure money that will NOT be called a loan (pushing us further into debt), and that we may be tabling a bid of �4.5M for Andy van der Meyde (leaving us with an imaginary �2.5M from the Alan Smith bid?) then it must be true. 
• If Dave Prentice can hail Bill Kenwright as a �genius� for begging his mate Philip Green for �15M investment (DO NOT CALL THIS A LOAN PUSHING US FURTHER INTO DEBT!), as the Russian investment announced by Bullshit Billy on the eve of this season evaporates into distant memory, then it must be true.
• It�s in the Echo � it must be true.

David Moyes is going to get �6M of this money (DO NOT CALL IT A LOAN!).  "We�ve been tracking certain players throughout the summer.  We hope to announce who within the next 10 days� added Bullshit Billy.

�Anton Zingarevich is terrific, with an encyclopaedic football knowledge and passion for the game.�  Encyclopaedic knowledge?  A is for Anton, B for Bullshit Billy?  Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit�

It�s been a few weeks of hollow words and nothing else � no incoming players, no real financial investment, no plan.  Instead we�ve seen a mass exodus of players now surplus to requirements, leaving Moyes with a squad now down to the bare bones.  Who or what�s next?  Gravesen or Yobo?  The Youth Academy?  St. Luke�s? 

The �genius� of Bill Kenwright, according to the Liverpool Echo, �fresh funding plucked from the ether� � where is it?  Moyes most certainly saw none of it in time to strengthen his team.  Why not?  Why was our smallest squad for years not strengthened before the transfer deadline?  If you are one of those who genuinely believes Bullshit Billy when he says he didn�t want to sell the kid and would leave the final decision with manager David Moyes, then here�s a few questions for you to ponder:

• Why was Wayne Rooney�s �branding� suspiciously absent from the merchandise catalogue, for this season, before any confirmation from the player that he wanted away from the mess that is Everton FC?
   
• Surely, if the Club genuinely wanted to retain the services of, and further nurture, Wayne Rooney they would have issued the strongest possible �hands off� � be that in Queen�s English or a somewhat coarser scouse vernacular!  The kid had two years left on his contract.  We did not have to sell.
   
• If Wayne Rooney was so determined to quit Goodison Park six weeks ago then why didn�t the Club say so and get on with replacing him?  Chelsea, for example, were throwing money about, like confetti, at that time.  Would the lure of Rooney have proven irresistible for Ambramovich, a Russian with an encyclopaedic knowledge of impulse purchasing?

It�s been a painful few weeks, with speculation becoming reality.  The sight of Wayne Rooney in the red shirt of Manchester United hurts.  The deal that has taken Rooney away from us absolutely stinks to high hell.  Bullshit Billy, stuck in his own time warp, so often waxes lyrical about the wizardry of Dave Hickson and the magic of the boy�s pen.  There�s now a generation of growing kids who lived for Rooney, who won�t be able to say likewise about their own hero.  He�s gone. 

They clung onto the hope that Rooney would be around long enough in our shirt, gradually supported by better players.  Their dreams have been shattered.  It might be worth nothing but at least they, unlike Bullshit Billy, can say they were inside Goodison Park at the moment when Rooney ended Arsenal�s long unbeaten run in the most dramatic of fashion.  I keep asking myself, �what would Sir John Moores have made of this mess that Kenwright and co have made of Everton Football Club?�  What indeed�

The Everton Football Club we all know and love dearly continues to crumble before our eyes.  Mr Kenwright continues to oversee this rapid decline from his London base.  It cannot continue. 

• How can we operate, as a business, when increasing our debt? 
• How can we operate, as a team, with no investment in place? 
• How can we survive, as a Club, when we�ve a Board reduced to in fighting and scrapping for control?

It�s turbulence all the way at Everton which is why this coming Thursday we have an EGM at the Club.  Bullshit Billy�s continuing mismanagement of Everton Football Club, his �genius�, must be stopped.  We�ve had enough of his quotes�

�Trust us: we know what we�re doing, we are very good at what we do.�

Oh no, you�re not, Bill.

Colm Kavanagh

The above is the personal viewpoint of Colm Kavanagh and is not written on behalf of any group or affiliation

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