Colm's Corner
Columnist: Colm Kavanagh

Dear Mr Laphan,
14 November 2004

Normally I refrain from answering your posts (as you’ll have noticed over the past couple of months) but the fact that Lyndon chose to run with your response to my last corner piece means I have little choice this time around.  For the benefit of others, amused as they might well be at this ‘spat’ between Evertonians, may I offer the following background?

Cards on the table straight away – I think you are a deluded loon.  Recall that day when Paul Gregg (a man you have no time for, I believe) stood outside the Park End holding court and promising to do x, y and z if he could wrestle control of the Club from his (then?) opponent, Bill Kenwright – you were on the other end of the phone condemning Mr Gregg for his lies. 

The following day, you rang again – this time I was in the storeroom at work – and you wanted to set up a conference call with Bill Kenwright himself on the other line.  Bloody hell I thought, what’s going on here?  How in God’s name can I, a friggin’ shopkeeper over in Ireland, solve the spat between the warring directors of Everton Football Club!!!  All along, I sensed a feeling of you trying to butter me up (“you’re in business, I’m in business…………blah blah blah”), trying to gather what little titbits you could from me to further your attack on other individuals.  You once wrote “Love me or Hate me. at least I am straight with no private agenda!”  I seriously, SERIOUSLY beg to differ!

You question my ‘desire’ for transparency at Everton FC.  This from the loon, elected to the Fans Council, who “doesn’t give a fuck what the fans think” and intends to go ahead with a Fans Trust, with or without the assistance of that same Fans Council?

You wrote:

“Dissolution of TBH does depend on the new offer being ratified.  However, TBH or no TBH, it makes not a blind bit of difference to the running of the Club as the Shareholdings will still ensure a similar status quo.  Dissolution of TBH is a red herring of an idea when discussing development of the Club.”

Dissolution of TBH is a red herring of an idea?  That’s not what the Chairman said at the EGM.  May I offer you the words of William Kenwright, Chairman of Everton Football Club, September 9 2004:

“The reported deal, the Fortress Sports Fund, is an absolute possibility and hopefully will be sewn up in the next few weeks.” 

He went further,

“As I said before, True Blue Holdings was only ever a vehicle through which we were able to purchase Peter Johnson’s 71% shares and I confirm, as I mentioned earlier, because this obviously preoccupies the minds of a number of shareholders, that we will be dissolving True Blue Holdings as soon as is practical – hopefully by the AGM.” 

Like you, Mr Laphan, I fully expect to see the dissolution of True Blue Holdings ratified at the upcoming AGM.  I presume that you, with your inside track, can guarantee this as an absolute possibility even without the listing of either among the “ordinary resolutions” for the just-published AGM agenda?

“The OFFER from Fortress Sports is just that — an "offer!"  The Board will only ratify this, and ask for its acceptance at the AGM, if it is in the best interests of the Club.  It is the negotiations to protect the interests of the Club that have been the most demanding, as you would expect.  However, due to the original xenophobia and the ongoing adverse comments, it would not be a surprise if any potential investors withdraw the offer.  Then we can all thank Colm and Co for all their hard work in preventing the Club getting £30M to £60M........”

Sorry!  Don’t blame me, Mr Laphan.  Thanks anyway.  Again, the words of the Chairman, on the night of the EGM: 

“The reported deal, the Fortress Sports Fund, is an absolute possibility and hopefully will be sewn up in the next few weeks.” 

That term….every time I hear and read it I think of “wardrobe malfunction!”  Michael Owen (no, not that Michael Owen) then asked —  “And there’s talk of, ending up with the Fortress Sports Fund owning 40% of Everton Football Club.  Is that what we’re looking at?”  The Chairman’s reply? 

“I think it’s going to be more than that.” 

Michael Owen then commented, “Well that sends a shiver down me, Bill.”  The Chairman replied with -

“I know it does Mike because I got the Private Eye thing that you sent to me and thank you very much for sending it to me.  I got it checked out immediately and I think it’s going to be the subject of a court case.  And obviously as a football club we’ve done all of the searches that you need and all the names mentioned, they’ve all come out A1, Mike.” 

Maybe it’ll be Michael Owen’s fault and not mine (and Co) after all, Mr Laphan, if this Fortress Sports Fund money doesn’t come to fruition!  Incidentally, I still await news of this court case against Private Eye after their ‘investigations’ into these people...

May I also refer you to the Chairman’s own words (again), when he spoke with BBC 5 Live’s Jonathan Pearce -

“Well there’s two tranches…there’s an original 29.9% and then possibly some more. So, you know, thirteen to fourteen million and then another fifteen million down the line. So there’s a possible twenty eight, twenty nine million…”

The Chairman sounded pretty definite there, in saying we had that amount of money incoming — even though some may cast a wary eye at the possibility of Everton Football Club being in the hands of a ‘sports fund’ based in Geneva (Switzerland). 

Please explain your use of the term  “the original xenophobia” as I most definitely do not possess a racist bone in my body.  It would not be a surprise if any potential investor withdrew their offer?  Are you indirectly telling us that all’s not as it seems with the impending arrival of The Fortress Sports Fund?  I’m confused Mr Laphan as, like many other Evertonians, I am being told by our Chairman that this Fortress Sports Fund is “an absolute possibility”.  Personally, I believe it’s all in place as the Chairman also said on the night of the EGM that “David and I were discussing this only last night and we came to the same conclusion – and he will have a considerable pot in January and in the summer.”

Excellent!  Chairman 1 — Cynics 0

“Why the hell should either EFC or DM declare their private business to Colm and Co?  Am I missing something here?  Does Colm confide to the world all his business relationships?  No, because it would be poor business practice.  KW has brought to Everton good, solid business practices; for that he should be applauded.”

Poor business practice to declare private business?  I think you need to have a word with the Chairman again, Mr Laphan.  It was him, at least I think it’s an absolute possibility that it was him and not I (or and Co) who spoke openly on 5 Live about our new-found wealth.

“DM did not contact BK after the Radio 5 Live piece except to laugh at the absurdity!  DM was already fully aware of his opportunities — ahead of which, the least said the better.  As for Colm's imaginary dickie-bird, best feed it some better quality birdseed because it is feeding you some poor quality crap.”

Again, I beg to differ.  Ask the Chairman if he contacted the Echo as that young scouse chappy was knocking in three goals on his Manchester United debut.  If only we’d inserted a clause for hat-tricks scored in Europe, eh?  I believe, from what ‘dickie-bird’ tells me, that our Chairman was none too impressed with the Echo reporting accurately the chairman’s own words with BBC 5 Live and demanded an apology, which he did not get.

“Re. the 5 Live piece, BK was upset that once again his words were taken out of context and miss-reported.”

Could you please show me where, exactly, the chairman was misquoted?  I refer you to an EXACT transcript of that interview –

http://www.toffeeweb.com/season/04-05/media/28-bbc.asp

And once you’ve read that, click on this link, the report of said interview in the Echo –

 http://icliverpool.icnetwork.co.uk/0400evertonfc/derby/page.cfm?objectid=14692813&method=full&siteid=50061

Words taken “out of context”?

“With regard to Wayne: Perhaps Colm missed most of Wayne's contributions last season for Everton — but then so did most of us. Only a complete and utter obsessive would think that Wayne had a positive effect on the Team.  But then only a complete and utter celebrity fan would be bitter that we are third!  This team believes in themselves and plays for the pride of the Blue shirt and I would go to watch this team in third or thirteenth because I feel as if they give 110% in every game!”

Considering your email ‘onslaught’ during the past year, you’ve some neck labelling me an obsessive!  Celebrity fan?  Oh aye………I’m the one who “has daily contact with the Chairman of Everton Football Club!” 

Not forgetting your association with both Naomi Campbell and Emma Bunton of course!  Who said I’m bitter about Everton lying in third place, Mr Laphan?  I’d be ecstatic if we finished in sixth this season, never mind third!  This team believes in themselves and plays for the pride of the Blue shirt and you would go to watch this team in third or thirteenth because… because… because you feel they give 100% in every game!  Can I allow myself to feel that way too if the need arises?  Can I allow myself to watch Everton if we slip beneath thirteenth?  With my celebrity mates?  Or my celebrity little hooligan friends as you’ve since labelled me since I began penning this reply?

“As for Osman, well I will trust DM on that one.  After all, I can't be stupid enough to say he is wonderful on one hand and daft on the other, I mean how would that make Colm look... "

"T'was ever thus at the School of Science…""  Tell you what, let's trust in DM...  or Colm..... DM or Colm...  oops its a hard one, after all Colm is on the inside?”

Crackers!

“PS   The above is the personal viewpoint of Colin Laphan and is not written on behalf of any group or affiliation.  It is not designed to destroy any myths that Colm and Co like to perpetrate and any misinterpretation or coincidental writing is totally disavowed.”

Wonderful usage of sarcasm, Mr Laphan!  You’ll surely recall the very reason why ToffeeWeb were forced to place a disclaimer note at the foot of anything I wrote for the site?  “Severe breach of constitution” you forever shouted.  “Media Release!  Media Release!”  Finally, if I may, I’d like to chuck this back at you.  You wrote:

“What I definitely have done is broken the mould in a number of different industries where there was a litany of what you can and can't do. I went in and ripped the "rule books" up and succeeded in creating a whole new way.  So as much as people will tell me all about the past, which I respect, I will continue to create both evolution and revolution to what I apply myself to, it is just my way.”

Like this, Mr. Laphan?

http://www.nominet.org.uk/DisputeResolution/Decisions/Drs01672Nailgeekcouk.html

Regards,

Colm Kavanagh

Colin Laphan insists that his response be published on ToffeeWeb, but we have declined that request.  If you are interested, you can find his response at The People's Forum, which is an appropriate location for exchanges of this nature.  Meanwhile, Mr Laphan has threatened us with legal action if we do not publish his rebuttal or withdraw Colm's article.  — ToffeeWeb Editor.

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