FAN ARTICLES

The Bends

The bends or decompression illness as it is medically known is generally caused when a diver surfaces too quickly from depth. Air contains 80% nitrogen, which at the surface is inhaled and exhaled without effect. At pressure this nitrogen is forced into the bloodstream and if a diver ascends from depth without allowing sufficient time to 'off-gas' nitrogen bubbles can form, leading to the bends

So in the wake of yesterdays debacle the laptop was dully lashed, bottle of red wine necked, stereo turned to 11, in full on stroppy teenager mode listening to the marvellously mopey Radiohead masterpiece 'The Bends'. It was listening to the title track and specifically the line "where do we go from here, the words are coming out all weird, where are you now, when I need you?" when my swimming mind turned back to our beloved blues.

In order for us to avoid our own Evertonian version of the bends, as we all currently wallow in the depths of pity, self recrimination and finger pointing, it is worth looking at the problem of what is rotten in Gotham from a more considered, philosophical perspective, before we rise again to get behind our beloved blues.

?Where do we go from here, the words are coming out all weird, where are you now, when I need you? To repeat the line again I truly believe that all of the blues current ills are underpinned by one thing and one thing alone, communication. As anyone with a passing interest in business knows communication is key. And let?s face it football is unfortunately a business now, gone are the innocent halcyon days of yore.

So who?s to blame? Is it our reclusive, pot less, 24/7 luvvie chairman? Our tactically conservative, stubborn manager? Is it our overpaid, spineless, players with minds turned to pastures new? Or is it the deluded masses who visit the old lady, week in, week out, with unreasonable expectations?

Well to be honest I thinks it?s a little from column A, B, C and D. True Blue Bill could spout verbal diarrhoea for England, but let?s have a reality check, the man wears blue tinted glasses, ahem 24/7, so he is not going to sell us down the swany to some dodgy overseas investor ok? However, Bill do us all a favour? Start the fucking AGMs again lad! If there is no knight in shining armour on the horizon, look the fans in the eye and tell them, you?ll get much more respect.

As for the ginger one? Well yesterday was very worrying, watching his body language on the bench he seemed exasperated, subdued and out of ideas, poor communication. Change of manager time? Nah not yet, the man has his faults of course. Persisting in playing men out of position, Leon wide right? Davey stop it now, he?s too fucking slow! Playing one up at home against mediocre teams, negative and its eroding Jermaine Beckford?s confidence already, the lads not ready to lead the line on his own.

However, let?s be clear the bloke can spot a player, and on a fucking shoestring, Cahill, Arteta to name but two. We also have the best squad we?ve had for at least 10 years, which he has assembled; he has not become a bad manager overnight. Anyone who thinks Martin O?Neill will rock up and fancy performing miracles with no funds, need only look at why he left Villa. And besides he?s waiting for Capello?s Muppets to choke in Euro 2012.

My personal hunch is Steve Round. It?s no coincidence that since Alan Irvine left, barring the FA Cup final; we appear to be making a slow slide down the league. Now without wiring up Tony Hibbert we will never know what ratio of tactics and coaching is divided between manager and assistant, and whether the players are behind their methods. However, with a full pre-season behind us, I am yet to see a performance this season which involved our players displaying great movement, making runs for each other and creating angles. Sure we can pass it side to side and keep possession, however, defences are not being turned and players are not supporting and getting into the box consistently enough.

So is this the fault of the players? Well again it comes down to communication. As much as we all love our little Spanish maestro I?m not convinced he?s captain material, sure he can control the flow of a game when were on top, however, I?m not convinced he will get a grip of the rest of the team and drag us by hook or by crook to that first league victory that we so desperately need. Now we all know his limitations as a footballer, but I think we miss the snarling of Phil Neville in the team (preferably right back if he has to play). You only had to look at the shambles of a team yesterday, heads down, shooting withering, exasperated looks at each other, we need a leader, and if pip isn?t fit one of them needs to man up and grow a pair, hell they get paid enough. And if that means upsetting a few egos well boo hoo.

So that leaves us the fans. Are we at fault? Well in a way yes, you pays your money your takes your choice, and makes no mistake that was dross yesterday and rightly we booed. However, surely there were countless cases of sunstroke on TW over the summer? Top 4? Spending bugger all money on a few young prospects and gambling on a division one player. This while the other ?sky four? teams generally keep their squads ticking over and City spend money like a man with no hands.

As the players, management and board need to take a long hard luck at themselves in terms of communication, so do we. Let?s be honest, were not going down, the likes of Blackpool and Newcastle will fall down the league to their natural positions once the initial promotion adrenaline wears off and their inferior squads are exposed to the rigours of the premiership. There really is enough shit in this league to stop us going down. Our manager has his faults, but who can do a BETTER job? We have good players, but so do about 7 other teams, and some much better. So we are a top 8 team, without major investment this will never change.

However, there is light on the horizon, Brentford. Unambitious? Perhaps but honestly a cup, even the carling, is our best chance of putting a smile on our collective faces this season, and hey it gets us into Europe.

So come on Davey let?s put a strong team out, rattle up a cricket score against Brentford, get our tails up for Fulham, get our heads out the sand, and start communicating honestly and clearly with each other.

Because we?re Evertonians we leave all the hysteria and soap opera to the gob shites across the park.

COYB!!!

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