Season 2011-12 Fan Articles

Ain't No Sunshine

By Tony   Marsh  ::  07/07/2011   41 Comments (»Last) Here we go again on a journey through the English summer time. We all know what to expect, don't we? We all know what's coming and it's starting to do my head in already.

As soon as the thermometer hits 70 degrees, the railway tracks buckle, the reservoirs empty, the public highways melt, and the whole country grinds to a halt.

Thousands of chinless interbred Hoorah Henrys and Henriettas descend on Wimbledon to cheer on some useless Brit Twat tennis player while quaffing warm Laureant Perrier champagne: Come on Timmy... or is it Muzzy the Jock who hates the English now? Who gives a fuck ? they never win it anyway. "Henman Hill makes me Ill" is what the headline should read.

Once more, we see scantilly clad page 3 girls lick cornettos on Bournemouth beach as the tabloids proclaim "It's Hotter Than Barbados Here!!!" Dopey Yorkshiremen smother their noses in Blue sun block while playing cricket at Headingley. They wouldn't want to burn up in those Sahara-like conditions, would they?

Air-traffic control strikes, hose-pipe bans, rain at Glastonbury... the list is endless. Oh and of course Everton fans thinking we will sign one of our intended targets early doors and put us all out of our collective misery. Guess what, Boys: it's never going to happen.

We can just picture it now, can't we? Pot-bellied Scouser lobbing another Walls Banger on the badly built B&Q Barbie as the 9th can of Stella hits the spot and the charcoal fumes waft through the living room choking the kids:

"Hey Jimmy, were signing that Charles N'Zogbia from Wigan, ye know!!!"

"Are we fuck; we need to get £8 million for Joey Yobo first and get rid of the Yak to bring some dosh in, lar!!!"

"No mate, our kid's bird's sister works in the Everton Gift shop as a cleaner every third Monday and the security Guard who's on the door there reckons he bumped in to Cahill in Rhyl sun center last week and it's a done deal!!!"

"Fuckin' 'ell ? it must be true then. I thought we were getting Joey Barton, Paul Scoles, Ryan Giggs, that Mouthino fella from Portugal, and swapping Leon Osman and Tony Hibbert for some Brazillian kid who wants away from AC MIlan..." blah, blah, fucking blah...

I don't get it at all... this type of thing happens all over the place every year and, every year, we all get sucked in again. We ain't signing N'Zogbia ? or anyone else who costs money, for that matter. Why would N'Zogbia leave a club like Wigan, who pay him bigger wages than we would give him, and work for a chairman who has less ambition than a condemned inmate on Death Row?

It hurts me to say it but Everton FC are now one of the minnows in the Premier League and only our own supporters see us as anything more. We can't compete with middle-tier clubs in the transfer market these days. We can't afford big-name players on movie-star wages and that's the sad truth.

Nearly 80,000 tourists will turn up at Old Trafford on match days to take photos on their iPhones of Wayne Rooney's hair transplant, oblivious to who the opponents are or who is in their starting eleven.

It doesn't matter to the new breed of football fan. As long as there are some good snaps taken and the flight back down to London later on that evening isn't cancelled. Who gives a fuck about the Footy? We can get some good shit posted on Facebook tomorrow morning and show all the other Gimps we know what a lovely day out we had at the Soccer game.

The problem is that these fucking wierdos who follow the Mancs swell the coffers at the club to such an extent that the Red Devils now sell more football shirts in the Far East and China than every other club in Europe combined. We can't sell a fucking can of Chang without there being a problem with it.

I am now of the opinon that most of the lads my age who still follow the Blues do so out of a misguided sense of loyalty, force of habit, or it's just an excuse to swerve the wife for the day and get on the piss. No longer do they relish the start of a new season with dreams and aspirations to match those we had back in the 80s and early 90s.

We all know where the trophies will end up and the Champions League places will go next year, don't we?We are all resigned to the fact that we won't play any part of it, aren't we?

Live in hope... or still follow in a sense of morbid curiosity, Boys, as it's all you can do now. We are in such a mess both on and off the field. The club is a shambles and has been since the John Moores era ended. Kenwright and his cronies haven't a clue where to turn next to bring about regeneration of this football club.

Our history really isn't that special when compared to the proper clubs in the Premier League and our future is in severe trouble if people with real business acumen aren't brought in soon to rejuvenate the place. It's a disgrace what's happening and the sooner you all wake up and stop dreaming, we might start to get somewhere.

I have lost the will to slaughter the manager or the players anymore as I just can't be arsed. There's no point. We are what we are and that's it. I have given up on football ? not just Everton but the whole stinking lot of it.

Fifa, Uefa, Man City, players agents, crap £100k-a-week shithouse players who don't give a fuck about the fans or the clubs they play for... they can all do one. I'm off for some Stella and sausages ? who needs new signings anyway??

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