Everton kick off pre-season with a goalfest!

Match report: Austrian Ironing Board 0 - 1 Everton.

David Moyes said he was "pleased with a clean sheet" after a battling performance against the Austrian amateurs. A defensive-looking line-up featuring 7 centre-backs struggled to open up their Alpine opponents. Yobo went close with a header from an outswinging Hibbert corner after 5 minutes but it hit Ulf The Yodeler on the arse and bounced harmlessly away for a throw-in.

Late in the second half, Everton sub Li Tie rattled the crossbar before Baines converted a penalty after Heinrich was harshly judged to have fouled Anichebe when it appeared the striker slipped on a banana skin the goalkeeper let drop from his lunch box.

Having sold the whole squad just three weeks ago, Moyes tempered expectations of major incomings by saying "we may bring in one or two on the loan market" before the window shuts.

Just hope we don't sit back in the second half and hope to scrape a 10-0 win.

Couple of notable absentees from the bench are Walcott and Bolasie - are they injured?

Baningime too. Is Danny Williamson still in the squad?

Thanks.

How could I have missed Beni?

In my view, he is highly promising and should be pressing for regular first team football this coming season.

Danny Williamson – not too sure about.

Brands trying a different tactic in getting rid of the deadwood.

Nice. Hopefully we can get Bilic fit too.

I remember some hilarious pre-season scorelines from the 80s, can't remember a 14-0 mind you.

Maybe Unsworth was sneaking Howard's liquor.

Absolutely brilliant comment...had me in total stitches...

Scroll down to the bottom of the club site report on the game with a paragraph on those who were missing and why:

Link

So it should have been a good work out, but stiffer opposition will tell a lot more.

They had some talented lads – one lad in particular can carry two trays laden with food, and the rest are all silver service trained. Not easy going away in Europe, I know we are always a bit skeptical but I think the second leg is a walk in the park.

I bet this result has shaken a few Premier League managers, they will be thinking we will really need to park the bus when we play Everton.

To be fair ATV Irdning did park the bus, sadly they parked it on the wrong pitch. I would just add a note of caution and appeal to our fans not to get carried away with this result, as there are still questions to be asked... like: Who the hell arranged this match?

Niasse still looks like an anti-footballer, Mirallas still looks like it's all about him (the free-kick "discussion" with Dowell) and Williams still dives in for tackles which are always going to be penalised.

Lookman looked good but still lost possession frequently and Stekelenburg lay down and had a 45-minute kip in the first half.

On the other hand, Mirallas's transfer value just went up about $100.

And like Baines showed today, he's at the peak of his physical powers, so perhaps (for both of them) talk of their demise is premature. I'll happily hold my hand up on Baines and say I appear to have been way off in doubting him physically. Perhaps he's just been carrying an injury, and now he's had a proper break, he's refilled the tank, and he's ready to go again.

Drew, it appears to have been a successful 7/8 days in Austria getting used to Marco Silva's ways. This game was only ever meant to be a tune-up. Liverpool played 5th tier opposition in their game, so why not. We play Bury on Wednesday, then up another couple of levels with the Lille and Porto games back to back, and then down a notch for Blackburn, and then the Valencia match at Goodison. That's not a bad run of game for me.

Contrast to last year: narrow win against the Africans, beat Twente, drew with Genk, and then drew with Seville (being outplayed). Sure, we had the Europa League so less fixtures, but these seem better planned on the right upwards trajectory.

Utterly ludicrous stuff - but if I saw a positive it is that the returning loanees like Lookman and Dowell don't look out of place among the rest of our lot.

The starting team looked balanced and, with Sigurdsson and Walcott at least to come back in, the best team on paper looks strong provided the tactics and style are spot on. A long way to go but let's enjoy the bit of fun that such a scoreline warrants.

If Silva can get some of last season's failures to rediscover their mojo and ability, he will save us a fortune.

Coaches have been at them for a week. Had to line up someone in different jersies to practice against. So it was these poor fellows.

Fun scoreline though.

Baines is not at his physical peak, for goodness sake. And the only reason to play Mirallas a lot in the preseason is in hope a Prem bottom-feeder will take the bait.

Standouts for me Kevin Mirallas, Bainsey, Tosun (excellent finishing), Lookman (the boy's got skill pace and workrate), Schneiderlin (shock, horror).

Davies, Niasse and Sandro didn't put themselves about and seemed to lack enthusiasm.

Robinson, Dowell and Connolly didn't do their reputations any harm.

Looking forward to seeing if we can play as well against sterner opposition.

ew manager etc. I think we have the makings of a great side, if we get a few crucial players in. I think Steve Ferns has convinced me Silva is the way to go. The only bit I don't like is when we approached Watford and how they fell apart but I'm hoping that was not Silva somehow. Either way, I like his style and man-management skills and attacking flair.

5': Baines [Dowell]
8': Holgate [Dowell]
13': Keane [Dowell]
14': Tosun [(Defender, under pressure from Davies]
16': Tosun [Sandro]
18': Lookman [Davies]
29': Lookman [Coleman]
33': Tosun [Lookman]
36': Lookman [Tosun]
45': Tosun [Lookman]
48': Mirallas [Niasse]
50': Mirallas [(Gabrielle)]
52': Mirallas [Dowell (fouled for free-kick)]
59': Mirallas [Vlasic]
70': Niasse [Vlasic]
73': Vlasic [Mirallas]
75': Niasse [Vlasic]
80': Mirallas [Niasse (shot parried)]
81': Schmidt (og) [(Defender)]
85': Vlasic [Martina]
86': Niasse [Martina]
89': Niasse [Martina]

Dowell wore 12 rather than 28; has he moved up in the world by claiming the number last worn by Aaron Lennon?

Mirallas wore 8 (last worn by Ross Barkley) rather than 11, which was given to Walcott when he joined in January, just as Mirallas was leaving on loan.

Connolly (returning from his season-long loan) gets back his 33 shirt number that Robles wore in his final season after Pickford bumped him from Number 1.

Pennington gets back his 38 shirt that Matty Foulds wore last season, for a handful of games in the Chekatrade Trophy [Statto Sidenote: because these Under-23 games are against senior professional Football League sides, they are considered to be 'full' appearances for the Everton players.]

I think this means that Foulds regains his 51 shirt (as listed at EFC) from previous seasons. Last season, Anthony Evans wore 51...

All the rest on show were the same as last season.

In all seriousness... 22 nil???? Holy Cuco Martina... that is unbelievable, no matter who the opposition was...

Shine up that Premier League trophy!!! It's coming home!! Now where have I heard that before??? NSNO

Or, are we getting carried away a bit?

Did they charge for the stream?

Great to beat a local amateur team 21 - 0 (plus an own goal). etc.

By the same token, I don't care if we lose our next set of friendlies 0 - 4 each – right up to the first league game in August; then it counts.

If that excessive win – followed by a number of "heavy" losses – results in us winning our first five games 1-0, I will see that as marked progress.

At the moment it is all "training", "meet and greet" and "getting to know you", for both the coach and the playing staff.

Come mid August – when the chips are down – that is when I will be making my judgements.

Highlight of the day was the RS trying to make out that we were trying to make out that this game meant something. I think that the stick they've had over the years about jumping the gun (It's our year!!!!) is starting to tell!

I honestly believe I'm a better keeper than that Austrian fella.

Definitely a scrimmage James Flynn. Definitely.

First week or so back for the players, under a new manager, given a host of new instructions, stale from playing bibs vs non-bibs. This is a first chance (of many... a progression if you like) to see what they've learnt, how they can implement the manager's requirements. And compete for places in the side that are up for grabs.

Of course the opposition were poor — it's the first game of pre-season, for fucks sake!!! Why on earth you would you want to come out of the stocks playing the Barcelona A team???

So many totally idiotic comments. Do you seriously have so little appreciation for what the club needs to be doing at this stage?

Oh well. Fun warm up for Everton in a beautiful setting, hopefully they got some good training in during the week. I'm sure some bonding is going on and they saw the ball go in the net for confidence.

Bring back Big Sam to play 5 at the back with 2 defensive mids and hopefully that will be enough to see us through.

So there is no happy medium then, Michael? There are no teams on the football pyramid between Barcelona A and ATV Irdning?

You're the second person to suggest that we 'total idiots', in pointing out how poor the opposition were, are somehow calling for the best in Europe. You are not in great company.

You saw fit to delete the other comments, perhaps you should delete yours.

So, we scored 22, we conceded none. The bad points from that are: ...erm ... oh ...well ...erm ?!

The movement and shape was decent. Baines legged it up and down the wing for 45 minutes like he was 21. Lookman jinked and went past a load of players, and Tosun found the net every time he got a shot off. Mirallas showed he could find the net every time he let fly but once, Niasse could have had 7, Dowell showed his passing could be sublime, but was lacking a little consistency at times, but he was prepared to make things happen.

There's so many positives. There's another 5 games yet. League 1 Bury next. Let's smash them and then Algarve on a roll and see how the lads can fare with two games in two days, presumably 30 mins in one, 60 in the other.

Steve, I saw some positives (have been seeing plenty positive from the training). I even stated as much in my original comment that Michael decided to delete, as it is his train-set.

The point being made by a few, mostly humorously, is that this opposition was so poor it made no sense to play them. Why not just stick with the cones?

For a specific example, admire the goalkeeper turning his back for the 20th goal, like a kid in the playground. Still I'm sure they put on a good spread.

As I understand it, this was the arrangement where we played them in exchange for using their training facilities. Fair enough.

But why badge it as a pre season friendly? There's nothing learned. We learn more kicking about after training than that. This isn't exactly what we need at this stage - if that was the case then everyone would do it.

I'm confident not one PL team will have played such weak opposition this week. And if for some reason they did then no-one will hear about it or watch it. It would be embarrassing for them. Just as it is for us putting it on our website.

Taken from the OS - "David Unsworth says Everton Under-23s' “fast and fierce” friendly clash with Coventry City in La Manga provided his side with a “real test”.

“We waited a few days longer than we normally would to play a competitive game and against Coventry's first team it was a real test, which we wanted and expected” Unsworth told evertontv.

“It was a proper game, not a stereotypical pre-season friendly. It was fast and fierce and will stand the lads in great stead for the start of the season.”

They lost 3-1 by the way but Unsworth saying he reckons it'll stand them in good stead must qualify as a 'totally idiotic comment' according to the new rules TW just made up.

The opposition doesn't need to be too testing for the first pre-season friendly... in fact, the less competitive it is, the more of a warm-up run-out game it is, the better. Get out of your head this ridiculous idea that somehow the performance in this game can project anything whatsoever onto any future games we play this season. Why do that? It's utterly ridiculous. One game at a time.

It doesn't mean anything, it doesn't portend anything, it's just a training match against some other footballers who happen to play at the ATV Arena. Accept it for what it is. There's a reason why other people are arranging these games and not you!!!

Nice conflation with the Under-23s, Peter. Unsworth is not a new manager for those players. He probably has his systems in place and is largely understood by the players.

It is stupid and pointless asking for them to play someone other than who was chosen, for whatever specific reasons. It's not within your power to change it and your rationales mean absolutely nothing — Just accept it and move on.

But I don't buy into the notion that we don't care what other people think. Erm, don't we employ a large PR staff for that very reason? The club does care about the image it projects. We all do.

You can have a kick about with some locals without announcing it on the fixture list or streaming the game.

As for comments on systems of play for a new manager, that's irrelevant. You don't learn how to play a system by participating in a free for all.

If my Under 11s were scoring at that rate I'd stop the game and do something else with the time.

I'm sure some people were able to watch the game for what it was and not be consumed by what it wasn't. Some people are actually talking about the game that was played, and not whining like some spoilt kid because we didn't play the opposition you wanted to play. Think about it. How fucking stupid is it to turn up at a match someone else has arranged and say "Why are we playing you lot? I don't want us playing you lot. I want us playing someone else."

The club offer these games up online for fans who are interested. Usually they are boring as hell, but as I was making notes for the website, and I couldn't even keep up, the goals were going in so fast. Personally, I like watching them to see who the manager chooses to play and how they're playing. I don't have to learn anything, It doesn't have to mean anything.

Those who aren't interested don't need to log in or pay for the feed. But if you're not interested, that's fine, simply don't watch. No-one was forcing you to watch — and I see from above that you didn't actually see it. Pity that didn't stop you from coming out with these inane comments.

I must admit, although excited at the scoreline at the time; I was a bit embarrassed for Irdning. What could Everton do about it though, deliberately miss on purpose? It's been mentioned that all you can do is play against the team in front of you, unfortunately, Irdning were like rabbits in the headlights.

Local opposition and a bit of a change from playing each other.

A non-competitive game is a good idea first one back, it oils the wheels and breaks the ice before stepping it up.

The pre-season is about stepping up the work incrementally to reach peak fitness at Wolves. Yesterday was just one of the first steps towards that.

It's funny but, if we won 5-0, there would be no dissent at all!

"To be fair ATV Irdning did park the bus, sadly they parked it on the wrong pitch." — Brilliant, I am going to dine out on that one today!!

I'm not saying the players shouldn't have played, I'm saying it's embarrassing to call that a pre season friendly.

If it was indeed a pre season friendly then whoever arranged it has just wasted the team and manager's time. Right? It was someone's job to give the team a light workout, start to get them playing together. To me, the selection was clearly a failure.

On the other hand, if it was just a friendly kickabout to say thanks for the loan of the facilities for our pre season camp, then fair enough. But don't embarrass yourself by calling it a pre-season friendly.

There is a difference. On the scale of Bolasie having a kickabout with his kids to a high profile friendly tournament, it was closer to Yannick's back garden than the ICC competition.

Wiener Schnitzel mitt kartoffel und gemuse, Spotted Dick und Vanillepudding.

Just a few observations I made and I am sure many will disagree:

I was delighted to see Sandro getting the nod. However, he failed to impress out wide. He didn't seem to know when to hold or when to run.

I think during his best season for Malaga he was shoved out left. So perhaps we should have given him a run on that side. Unfortunately, I think it is too late for him and that we already have four wingers ahead of him.

I'm acutely aware of how much of the minority I am in here when I say, Mirallas should be kept. I don't know what it is about him but I have always remained a fan. I like his no-frills direct approach. I like that, when deployed as an “inside forward”m his first thought is always “How can I get a shot away?” If Silvas plan is to break at pace, then that sort of attitude could be profitable for us and balance out Theo's less selfish attitude.

Last point: I so desperately want Davies to be a success but if he was to play as one of our box-to-box mids then his shooting needs to drastically improve. I love his work rate, effort, stamina etc but my concern is the lack of goals our midfield three contribute. Gana, Schniederlin nor Davies pose any really threat from distance. This allows teams to back off a little as they know we are going to have to try “walk it in”.

Take it for what it is and enjoy. There will plenty of time and reasons to have serious discussions in the months to come.

Thanks for posting the link. It was like watching 20 new signings!

This was surely meant as a run out to loosen up after a week of intensive training — nothing more than that. The real friendlies start next week and build up to a potentially difficult home game against Valencia. Porto and Lille will be good tests too but, at the moment, this game was fine — no nasty tackles, no need to push too hard, and nice for players to score a few goals.

If this had been one of the intended tougher games, then yes, it would have been a bit of a waste... but why not just enjoy a laugh and joke, ask the RS if they were pleased with a 0-0 at Bury and have a smile every time the score is mentioned on Sky Sports News.

There's certainly no need to get stroppy with each other here — there's plenty of opportunity coming up for that!

Last season a Spanish coach was sacked for his youth team scoring 25.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/40289256

Bring on the next game, I say!!!

The game told us nothing. Whoever played well means nothing. Mirallas scoring 5 doesn't mean we should keep him.

On the one hand, it was a convenient game to play in situ where the team has spent six days in an intense pre-season training camp.

It may well be, as Ernie writes @ 114, that this was the arrangement where we played them in exchange for using their training facilities.

On the other hand, they were clearly nothing more than a local pub team, judging by their girths and overall positioning (there was none!). A complete mis-match.

I don't think that justifies the kind of leap Lenny Kingman makes @ 102 that this somehow translates into "This farce is making Everton the laughing stock of football."

As ever, I'll look for and take positives from the situation.

We were 4-0 up in 14 minutes, 6-0 to the good in 18 minutes, leading 10-0 at half-time. Plenty of time then for whichever XI was on the pitch to recognize how grievously mismatched the opposition was.

It would have been very easy for the players to coast and play at walking pace from 15 minutes onwards. They didn't. There was no mercy and they kept piling on the goals.

The scenario was repeated with (eventually, after Dowell was substituted) a completely different XI in the second half. Again, the players could be forgiven if they strolled through their own 45 minutes of action. Again, they didn't.

In the second 45 minutes it was 4-0 to us in 14 minutes, 7-0 in 30 minutes and five more goals in the last 10 minutes. It surpassed the first half scoreline with a 12-0 return, 22-0 over the 90 minutes.

Can we not read that as a positive? That ALL players wanted to impress the new manager? That ALL were at it for however minutes they were on the park? That the club and we the fans can benefit from this display of ruthlessness and intensity if we can carry it into the serious stuff?

Let's just take it for what it was – not look overly positive or negatively towards it. Nothing really matters till the 11th August, win lose or draw.

What I would worry about more is those who want to keep hold of Sandro, never will he get a better chance of banging a few goals in for his confidence.

Gaining fitness is one thing but this is not the kind of opposition to do it against.

“Of course it is not easy to analyse the game” Silva told the Liverpool Echo.

“Of course, we expected a different level, the level was really low but most important for me – and it's what I told the players before the match – it is not important the level of our opponent.

“Next week we will have a tough week and the level of our opponents will grow but the most important thing today was to be serious every time.

“They enjoyed moments of the game but, or course, as the result was getting worse for our opponent the game got a little bit slower but it is normal in these type of situations.

“We can analyse some of today but also all week. The players worked hard, they showed me what they want and the desire to play in our team.”

This was a pub side and not an especially good one. I don't personally get excited about seeing us put 20 odd past a pub side, even if others do.

The best excuse I've read for this non match is that it presumably was payment in kind for using their training ground, which did look very nice, though I would have thought those facilities are wasted on such talentless and unfit footballers.

If we beat Bury handily, by a couple of goals, that might signify something more than this. It seems that Silva himself hadn't realised just how bad they were going to be and as he said himself, how little one could therefore learn from it.

At least the rest of our friendlies are against real football teams

If the players had have started dicking around after 5 goals, what would we have learned? I think the fact Silva and the players didn't ease off shows us more. Take Tosun's accuracy and power as a positive, Lookman's hunger, Dowell's assists... Martina, Mirallas and Williams getting a spot in the shop window.

Getting excited about pre-season is pointless. I've made that mistake a lot. The last time was getting excited over Conor McAleny's form a few seasons back... he's now at Fleetwood Town after trying to get game time at a host of lower league clubs – so hope for Mirallas yet.

For Jay (your last paragraph is hilarious) and others who are pitching the positives and seemingly taking this game seriously in some way, there is this.

The reporting of this in all the National papers and the incredulity of their readers scanning the scoreline, including myself, is my bugbear here. It should not have been given such a profile as if it was a "real" game.

As for being recorded as our best ever win for the EFC history books, it is an "arranged fixture" apparently, is an insult to all the results that went before. In fact it is farcical and makes us a laughing stock of sorts for the general public, and even of some of our own fans on this thread and elsewhere.

If EFC want to get credit for their levels of performance as we go into a hopeful future I would suggest keeping 22-0 holiday camp away victories off the sports pages.

I have seen the Blues spank several professional teams over the years. Pumping 8 past Plymouth in the early sixties. 7 past Leicester and the memorable 8 past Southampton at a snowy Goodison in 71. Never double figures as far as I can remember, though Spurs whopped ten past us when I was a nipper back in 1958.

The key to this farce, as that is what it was, is being professional in all areas, and the subsequent reporting and filming of this event for wider public consumption is far from that standard. Haven't we made enough headlines for poor leadership in recent times? Rooney, Allardyce, Koeman et al, without loading more comedic copy for our detractors to heap scorn upon.

At least we didn't get 37 goals and thus deny Arbroath's 36 smacked past Bon Accord in the Scottish Cup back in the 1800s its rightful place in the Guinness Book of Records.

All that said, it was undoubtedly the performance of a lifetime for all concerned. In a Monty Python-esque sort of way.

Before anyone asks, I did not get excited or go overboard about the scoreline – it was a useful training exercise, no more and no less.

This game in Austria was a chance to practice the routines that Silva is trying to introduce, in a low-pressure game. The choice of opposition turned out to be too low-pressure. Nobody is getting carried away with the result in terms of goals. Let's move on. Bury next.

Over and out.

Carry on 'humphing', Lenny, and believing that this game makes Everton 'the laughing stock of football'.

I haven't seen anyone on TW 'taking this game [or result] seriously' or as any kind of marker for the upcoming season as you claim. And that includes the manager himself.

I have, however, read more balanced views than the one you offer. Namely, that your sensibilities have somehow been offended over this. Seriously...?

I would suggest you read my contribution with clearer less blurry vision. Offended? I think not. The entry into the record books of this result at Butlins should bother any Evertonian who takes the club's history seriously.

As for no one on TW taking the game seriously, well I would put yourself forward as one who has. Read your effort, particularly the last paragraph, as previously stated.

If you think anything that happened up there in the wild blue yonder of the Austrian outback will have any bearing whatsoever in the real world of Premier League football this coming season, well. Seriously...?

I don't think it's me with blurry vision or struggling to accurately read or comprehend what has been said on this thread, by others or even yourself.

Carry on 'humphing', Lenny. The field is all yours.

Broderick Crawford was an American detective at the time with an extremely popular series and he used to finish with 10-4 and out.

Boy did I take some ribbing for what seemed seasons until circa 1961 when we started to come of age with Bobby Collins, Roy Vernon and the wonderful Alex Young.

Tom #157 - sorry. It's just seared into memory, and all the ribbing as Ian G&T says - I got it worst from my dad, a red.

Mind you Liverpool fans had to live, for the previous four years with the result from Birmingham : Birmingham City 9 ( nine) Liverpool 1; and that was in the old second division.

Brent - ouch - that's some ribbing!!

I recall a recent Dutch guy who often said that.

Am I getting paranoid?

We were under canvas, 10 men to a tent, and within minutes it seemed as though every man on camp marched through that tent, even those who had no football allegiance gave me stick. That date, 11 October 1958, is etched in my mind, along with 29 January 1955, when Liverpool, a Second Division outfit, beat us 4-0 at Goodison in the 4th round of the FA Cup, their first away win that season. Hardly the 'Good Old Days' were they?

Anyone going to Faro at the weekend? Is there a regular Everton pub or meeting place? I am flying out Thursday pm.

Looking forward to seeing them against some top opposition after the training and serious attitude in this play friendly .

If I was ATV Irdning I would not be happy to be given a 22-0 thumping as thank you for using our facilities and making us a laughing stock. I would hope that we get some revenue and some free coaching and I would hope that this team of cocky superstars take all of my boys out for a beer, or four.

We usually are generous to the community and helping ATV Irdning and not embarrassing them is I hope what we have done.