Nickname 11

by   |   25/05/2023  40 Comments  [Jump to last]


It’s undoubtedly a stressful week for Evertonians. We’re probably all just thinking pretty much the same thing: “Will I wake up next Monday morning feeling relieved or devastated?’ So, I write this for a bit of a laugh in an attempt to distract from these troubling thoughts. 

We are The Toffees. An annoying nickname in my opinion, much as I recognise and appreciate the tradition behind it. It lends itself too frequently to idiotic puns in the media relating to stickiness or chewing.

Every football team has a nickname, some better than others. The Red Devils, for example, is a shit one – no two ways about it. It sounds like a marketing team came up with it. I can’t be bothered to look up the real reason or who thought of it as that lot can fuck right off.

I’ve always liked The Tractor Boys – it’s ridiculous! Though I’ve no interest in the team behind the name. As for those bunch of knobheads across the park, theirs is simply pathetic, uninventive and shite.

Nicknames are applied to players too, of course. Again, some better than others. So I decided to have a go at an Everton nickname starting 11. The only rule is that the nickname can’t contain any part of the player’s actual name (though I do cheat a bit with one). So, here it is: 

The Toffees (3-3-4):

Rhino, Milkman, Pyscho
Golden Vision, Pieman, Gravedigger, White Pele
Scottish Messi, Inchy, Diamond

Sub: Judas (doesn’t get brought on)

Manager: Spanish Waiter

Physio: Magnum

Not a bad team I think, though pity about the manager!

Thankfully, I found an old GOT thread to help. To be honest, I’d never heard of the 'Milkman’.

Suggestions welcome if I’ve missed any good ones.

Oh well, now back to thinking about Sunday…

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Reader Comments (40)

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Phil Gardner
1 Posted 25/05/2023 at 19:37:47
I always liked Neil ‘Dissa’ Pointon.
Mark Murphy
2 Posted 25/05/2023 at 19:46:53
My favourite was Olly Varadi.
Andy Meighan
3 Posted 25/05/2023 at 19:47:11
Who's the Milkman?

On another note the best footballers nickname of all time has got to be One Size: Fitz Hall.

Dissa an absolute gem, Jigsaw, Back of the echo.

The list is endless as regards us.

Tony Everan
4 Posted 25/05/2023 at 20:18:59
With an overload of z,y’s and w’s Robert Warzycha didn’t take long to become Bob the Pole.
John Daley
5 Posted 25/05/2023 at 20:48:49
I thought ‘Jigsaw' would have been first name on the team sheet.

The sad thing is he probably would be in reality given the even inferior strike rate of the ‘Elf Who Should've Been Left On The Shelf' who could be starting Sunday.

Kieran Kinsella
6 Posted 25/05/2023 at 20:57:09
John Daley

Sad but true. Jigsaw, were he around today, would be a target for Newcastle at £50 million.

Ray Roche
7 Posted 25/05/2023 at 21:30:41
Dai The Drop?
Chris Hockenhull
8 Posted 25/05/2023 at 21:36:31
Hey. … Situation is desperate. Need a fullback?!… no problem…. Call for “Tiger”
Stephen Vincent
9 Posted 25/05/2023 at 21:43:47
What no place for Tricky or Garth?
Andy Crooks
10 Posted 25/05/2023 at 22:23:23
Brilliant, John D.
Neil Copeland
11 Posted 25/05/2023 at 22:33:56
The Burnley Egremont is one of the best nicknames I have heard.

The Rat is surely worth a place?

Paul Swan
12 Posted 25/05/2023 at 22:52:04
David Nelson
13 Posted 25/05/2023 at 22:58:53
Terry Phelan... the scuttler.
But known here simply as the Gimp.

Paul Birmingham
14 Posted 25/05/2023 at 23:28:01
Zico and Barndoor, Shandy...

But this Sunday, Everton will beat Bournemouth and hopefully start a reset of the club and make sure there's a stop and reset button built into the running of the Everton Football Club – designed to make sure that there's no repeat of the last 30-odd years in Purgatory.


John Pickles
15 Posted 25/05/2023 at 23:35:48
Earl 'The Fireman' Barrett – everything he touched went out!
Dave Lynch
16 Posted 25/05/2023 at 23:47:17
Amataxi and Lino.

Amokachi and Alexanderson the later because he spent so much time on the floor.

The former because he was black and carried the team.

Will Mabon
17 Posted 26/05/2023 at 00:03:27
Zinedine Kilbane.
Dave Williams
18 Posted 26/05/2023 at 14:51:33
Dracula in goal.
Neil Tyrrell
19 Posted 26/05/2023 at 14:59:35
Someone on here called our non-scoring French centre-forward "Pepe Le Few" recently.
John Pickles
20 Posted 26/05/2023 at 16:15:41
I believe we also had a bloke nicknamed 'Dixie' turn out a few times for us.
Andrew Ellams
21 Posted 26/05/2023 at 17:00:50
Peanut Pienaar is another
Joe Hurst
22 Posted 26/05/2023 at 17:20:04
John (20), we did:

William Ralph “Dixie” Dean

He scored 63 times in one season, and wasn't ever sent off!

It's an achievement that none of the current players (anywhere), will ever get near matching!

Ken Kneale
23 Posted 26/05/2023 at 17:27:52
"The Catt" surely is a better choice as a manager than the person named who singlehandedly did as much damage to us in 5 months as the owner and chairman could have wished for in their managed destruction of our club.

The Catt had the very best intentions for our club, whatever his persona; he must be furious looking down from his vantage point in Blue Heaven…

Mike Doyle
24 Posted 26/05/2023 at 17:39:18
Paul #12,

It was always nice to hear “Come on, Shagger!” from the family enclosure.

Happy days.

Alan McGuffog
25 Posted 26/05/2023 at 18:24:51
May '66. Six Balls saved the day.
Peter Mills
26 Posted 26/05/2023 at 18:33:21
Alan #25, assisted by Chico on the right wing.
Alan McGuffog
27 Posted 26/05/2023 at 18:48:42
And Shirley delivered the coup de grace.
Peter Mills
28 Posted 26/05/2023 at 18:55:00
And The Archangel taking the ball to the corner flag.
Alan McGuffog
29 Posted 26/05/2023 at 19:07:07
As they might say in Private Eye, Peter, "That's enough '66 Final references." – Ed.
Danny O’Neill
31 Posted 29/05/2023 at 09:54:09
"Pyscho" Pat.

Earlier generations, the Angel?

I don't suppose the Golden Vision was a nickname.

Likewise, Kevin Sheedy walked on water. But I am digressing.

Eric Myles
32 Posted 29/05/2023 at 10:29:21
John #22, you're buying into the media bullshit.

Dixie scored 65 in one season, not the 63 that is being mis-reported.

Now if you want to count "in all competitions" and include internationals, he scored a damn sight more than Haaland.

Eric Myles
33 Posted 29/05/2023 at 10:30:52
No mention for "Mad Dog"????
Chris Williams
34 Posted 29/05/2023 at 10:41:56
All managed by The Happy Convict.
Steve Mink
35 Posted 29/05/2023 at 10:54:49
Who was 'Shagger'? Don't remember that one.

John Pickles
36 Posted 30/05/2023 at 09:18:42
Steve #35. I believe it's Gary Stevens. The nickname was 'earned' after the story came out that he was 'playing away' more times than was necessary to complete the fixture list.
Steve Shave
37 Posted 30/05/2023 at 09:30:59
White Pele???
Eddie Dunn
38 Posted 30/05/2023 at 09:58:37
I thought Gary Stevens was called "Shaggy" because he looked like the character on Scooby-Doo. I wasn't privvy to his leisure pursuits!
Paul Hughes
39 Posted 30/05/2023 at 10:37:16
White Pele - Colin Harvey
Joe Hurst
40 Posted 30/05/2023 at 22:44:17
Eric (32)

I must have got the total wrong then, my apologies.

But “John”? If a clearly LEGIBLE name is there to see - and that’s got wrong, it helps comfort me to know that things can clearly be gotten wrong at times! 😏

Tony Mace
41 Posted 30/05/2023 at 23:58:32

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