Calling all Blue Lyricists!

by   |   11/12/2023  15 Comments  [Jump to last]

Since the sixties, football chants and songs have come and gone and even come back.

Watching those despicable Chelsea Morons insulting the poor of Merseyside, I could not help remembering and wanting a rendition of:

Show them the way to go home,
They're tired and they want to go to bed,
Cause they're only half a football team,
Compared to the boys in Blue!!!!!…


The original 1920's music hall lyrics were,

Show me the way to go home,
I'm tired and I want to go to bed,
I had a little drink about an hour ago,
And it's gone right to my head,
Wherever I may roam,
On land or sea or foam,
You will always hear me singing this song,
Show me the way to go home.


One of my most spine-tingling moments was at Wembley in 1986 at half-time, when the older supporters started to sing, 'We hate Bill Shankly and we hate St John!'

Personally, I am as poetic as a boiled egg, but would love a Blue Lyricist to come up with contemporary lyrics for the first two lines!!

Perhaps TW and other websites could offer an incentive!


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Reader Comments (15)

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Alan McGuffog
1 Posted 12/12/2023 at 10:01:53
"They're tired and they want to go to bed".
I seem to recall some of our coarser brethren adding an extra line at this point
Robert Tressell
2 Posted 12/12/2023 at 15:14:11
"You're on the latest tik tok"

Could be the first line, and you can take it in a few different directions depending on how rude you want it to be...

Bob Parrington
3 Posted 13/12/2023 at 00:22:32
Here's a suggestion for a clean verse. Substitute "Chelsea" with whichever team is apt. Some may have better, more interesting version.

Show Chelsea a way to go home,
They're tired and want to go to bed,
They thought they'd beat us in the game tonight
But we thrashed them here instead,
Wherever we may play,
At home games or away,
You will always hear us singing our song,
We were the better team today.

Jay Harris
4 Posted 14/12/2023 at 17:42:17
Nice one, Bob, but why are we using a kopite song as a base?

Surely Onward Evertonians or We Shall Not Be Moved are more historic blues songs to be brought up to date by the lyricists?

Ian Jones
5 Posted 14/12/2023 at 17:49:49
I always bring this one out when people look at lyrics, from One Direction's History. Only works if we are going in an upwards direction... might appeal to the younger generation

You and me got a whole lot of history (Oh)
We could be the greatest team
That the world has ever seen
You and me got a whole lot of history (Oh)
So don't let it go, we can make some more
We can live for Ever...ton

I've already got my coat

David S Shaw
6 Posted 16/12/2023 at 14:57:47
Wasn't there an old one sung to Boney M's Ma Baker?? Anyone remember that?
Brian Wilkinson
7 Posted 18/12/2023 at 14:31:03
Cannot recall the ma baker one, Dave, I recall the Lena Martel one goal at a time Bob Latchford and vaguely remember one about knock knee and doing the Everton boot walk but cannot recall the lyrics to that one.

The eighties and we love our Psycho Pat, going through all the players' names is one we could look to update with the current team.

As for player's chant, I always thought Bert Kampfert's A Swinging Safari tune would fit well to a Doucouré song.

Peter Mills
8 Posted 18/12/2023 at 14:55:23
Brian #7,

I think it went “I'm a knock-knee'd chicken and a bow-legged hen, I haven't been so happy since I don't know when, I walk with a wiggle and a waggle and a squawk, doing the Everton boot walk. Na na na na…… “.

I never did understand it!

Dave Abrahams
9 Posted 18/12/2023 at 15:18:44
I saw this scrawled on a wall a long time ago.

If I had the wings of an eagle
And the dirty black arse of a crow.
I'd fly to the top of the Spion Kop
And shit on the bastards below.

Whoever wrote those wonderful lyrics never left any musical notes with them and I can't think of any tunes that might fit them.
Micky Norman
10 Posted 18/12/2023 at 15:20:36
E V E R T and O and N
The greatest team in all the world and they call us Everton

Then we reeled off the players' names in order from the 63 champions.
It was later revived for the 66 Cup winners.

But my favourite was for the Hari Krishna chant.
All the players' names reeled off in order with a chorus of
Harry Catterick, Harry Catterick, Harry Harry… Harry Harry

Something like this:

Andy Rankin, Gordon West, Tommy Wright, Keith Newton
Brian Labone, Johnny Hurst, Howard Kendall, Colin Harvey
Alan Ball, Jimmy Husband, Joey Royle, Johnny Morrisey
Harry Catterick, Harry Catterick, Harry Harry… Harry Harry

Peter Mills
11 Posted 18/12/2023 at 15:32:25
Dave #9

Try it to the tune of: “My Bonnie lies over the ocean, my Bonnie lies over the sea”.

Dale Self
12 Posted 18/12/2023 at 16:02:30
Dave @9,

I'm betting that was George McKane who wrote that while entertaining Peter O'Toole and Richard Harris.

And on topic, I will give up my usual Mott the Hoople advocacy and get with whomever proposed ‘Heroes' by Bowie. Everyone knows that and it is of anthem quality.

Did I get it right with ‘whomever'? Just checking.

Phil Bellis
13 Posted 18/12/2023 at 16:09:29
In the '60s and '70s we sang it as:

If I had the wings of a sparrow
If I had the arse of a crow
I'd fly over Anfield tomorrow
And shit on the bastards below
Shit on, etc

As Peter says, to the tune of My Bonnie.

Brian Wilkinson
14 Posted 18/12/2023 at 16:50:43
Peter @8,

Yes, that was the one, cheers for that.

Charles Brewer
15 Posted 20/12/2023 at 17:15:05
The version I learned was "If I had the arse of a cow" — which I always thought a more suitable device for spraying the Kop.

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