Season 2011-12 Fan Articles

Bolton Match Report

There is no need to write your match report this week, I have already done it for you...

Bolton Match Report

Everton suffered their 6th defeat in eight games against fellow strugglers Bolton, which has sent alarm bells ringing around the Goodison Park outfit. The three-nil defeat at the hands of a very poor but workmanlike Bolton team will have David Moyes wondering where the next point is going to come from.

Without the injured Rodwell and Distin, Moyes surprised everybody and employed Hibbert at right back, Baines at left back with Jags and Heitinga partnering each other in central defence. The innovative midfield quintet of Osman, Fellaini, Coleman, Cahill and Drenthe provided little service to the disinterested Saha who seems to have finally got the message from his manager to work the channels and track back whenever we lose the ball. Sadly, Saha has forgotten that he used to have quite an eye for goal when he wasn?t sitting on the treatment table... playing with his mobile phone, twittering away.

Aside from the odd burst of pace from Coleman and the occasional touch of class from Denthe, Everton never showed any attacking intent in this game. The gameplan of holding out for a draw seemed to be paying dividends until the 70th minute when Osman was pushed off the ball for the umpteenth time all too easily, and poor marking by Hibbert invited a perfect crossing opportunity which looked like food and drink for Howard in the Everton goal until Jags stuck out a leg to send the ball screaming past the out-of-position Howard into the net.

Moyes responded by waiting another 10 minutes before going for broke by replacing the tiring Drenthe with the mercurial talents of Bilyaletdinov in the 80th minute. But when Bolton scored again after Hettinga had given away a clumsy but obvious penalty, Moyes went for broke and took off Saha and Cahill and replaced them with Vellios and Barkely with the instructions that they had 9 minutes to prove that they are worth a regular place.

Sadly for Everton, Osman gave the ball away again and Hibbert gave the defender too much room and allowed a cross to come over which looked like food and drink for Howard until Heitinga stuck out a leg to divert the ball past a helpless Howard and into the net.

Everton managed to muster a chance in the final minute when neat play by Barkley saw him thread a through-ball to the feet of the eager Vellois who saw his first-time shot bounce back off the post straight to Osman who hit the rebound with such venom that it trickled tamely seven meters wide of the post!

After the game, Moyes was at a loss to explain his side's poor form but did point out that the spending power of other clubs such as Bolton meant that Evertonians really should lower their expectations. "We just can?t compete with these teams anymore, but look I finished 4th once and have been Manager of the Year 3 times, so you can stick your moaning up your arse!"

Kenwright was quoted afterwards saying that there was no need to panic as he is still the biggest Evertonian there is, and that in David Moyes he has the best manager in the world... no, not the world but the whole galaxy.

He also said that he was meeting with three or four investors later on in the week and that he was confident that these five or six investors would be able to come up with some sort of deal that would allow him to give David Moyes and every Evertonian the Billionaire that we all craved. He said that the two or three investors he met had showed real interest but these things take time and in the seven years that he had been looking for new investors these eight investors are the most promising, but not quite as promising as the single investor he saw last year when he first started looking for investment!

Look guys, this was just a bit of fun and if I have offended anybody's sensitivities then that's your own fault for being too soft! I hope against all hope that I am totally wrong and, come the weekend, we come away with three points after watching an Everton team go out and play attacking football.

Please feel free to remind me of this post should we win handsomely. I also hope that we get news of some serious and genuine investment. But sadly I won?t be holding my breath.

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