Season 2011-12 Fan Articles

From Cancun to Corrie

By Tony   Marsh  ::  27/04/2012   34 Comments (»Last) Monday 16th of April... only two days after that miserable semi-final and I am boarding a plane to Mexico. I was made up to escape the aftermath to be honest. How could anyone have enjoyed the experience in that there London was beyond me.

I was on a mission to blot out the nightmare. Was that really Osman out there again on the hallowed turf? Why did Distin turn into a penguin at half time? Can I ever forgive and forget? I was told once in Cancun that things aint all that bad at Everton...

In a hotel that was 40% English guests I got talking to a lot of them at the bar. Geordies, Cockneys, Yorkshire and Lancashire folk etc. They all thought Moyes was amazing and Everton played great footy? "Fucking Hell... this Tequilla is strong," I thought. One Sunderland lad said our fans are the best he had ever known... I agreed with him on that.

What amazed me even more was a lot of the Mexicans I spoke to knew who Everton were, what Scousers were and some even did the accent... Quality.

The pain of the Wembley defeat started to ease as the Coronas, hot sun and not being surrounded by Gobshites Reds started to kick in. I started to take on board the fact that some fans from other clubs rated us and maybe we can be to hard on ourselves at times.

I get back home a week later feeling much better about all things Everton. Jelavic my new hero slotted twice at Man Utd. Brilliant, I thought. I had my phone off for a full week and hadn't spoken to anyone apart from my kids; I was well chilled out.

"We are not a small club with a complex; people know us and like us worldwide," I said to myself.

Then, once home, the full horror of what we are hit me. This is not happening, it can't be... Please, No!

My bird had Sky Plus on while we were away. 6 episodes of Coronation Street... WHAT THE FUCK.. NO NO NO...

OMG whats up with you she screamed, it's only Corrie... "It's him ? Bill Kenwright, our chairman ? he's in Corrie!"

"Don't be daft!" she said, "this isn't a reality show."

"WTF why didn't some one warn me? How can that twat do this to us so soon after Wembley? Am I in some kind of weird parallel universe? This can't be happening..." I thought.

"Which one own's Everton?" she asked?

"Why would he be in this? Was Betty his Mum in real life?

"NO, NO, NO... WHY, WHY, WHY? Please you don't understand what's going on here," I said...

"It's only Corrie; you don't half get flustered over nothing," she said.

"Where's the Jack Daniels?" I said.

I have since discovered Corrie is shot about 4-6 weeks in advance of showing; so, while Moyes and his troops are preparing for battle at Anfield and the SOL in games that will define our season, our Gobshite Chairman is doing his best woodentop impersonation in a fucking soap.

I dont know the going rate these days for a slot in Corrie but was Bill doing it for the money or Vanity?The prick makes me sick.

I felt ashamed for the club having a Dope like Kenwright in charge. "Hasn't this prick done enough damage already?" I thought. What was the point? Did he really have to say Yes to it knowing the implications for us the fans.

I now have a much better grasp of what Moyes must have to put up with working for this Clown Conwright on a daily basis...

"Transfer kitty for next season, Boss?"

"Davey, Darling I'm off to the Cobbled Streets of Weatherfield; one doesn't have time for such trivialities right now."

The season has been as unexplainable as Kenwright's appearance in the nation's favourite soap. Some of our play is as bad as Bill's acting. Some of the star turns just not breaking a leg. The season has turned out half decent I suppose but there's just one problem I now have...

You all know I watch Corrie, FFS!

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