The Ninjas of Goodison

Just a bit of fun for the TW guys and girls so that we can chill out before the match... can you name your Ninja?

The Goodison Evolutionary Ninja Turtle Squad (often shortened to GENTS) is a group of classic Everton footballers, who were instilled with special powers by their mystical Manager Roberto “Splinter” Martinez, who preached and taught the ancient theory of “Sin Miedo” intertwined with the esoteric and exotic ploys of Barcelonic-size “tippei-tappei”, giving them mysterious magical powers to change games anthropomorphically and move away from the Moyesesque KITAP1 ploys.

From their home deep inside the vaults of ancient Goodison Park, they will battle petty criminal teams of the lower half of the division, evil limelight grabbing money-drenched overlords and the hideously over-rated alien “Sky 4” invaders from their Lah-Lah cuckoo lands afar – and all this whilst remaining mercifully isolated from society-at-large criminals, namely those mis-informed and biased media mercenaries, including the BBC’s MotD blah-blahs and their hideous mutant kopite offspring.

• So, what strange powers do these Ninja heroes possess?
• And will the ancient and noble art of the “School of Science” footballing Valhalla return to fortress Goodison?
• Who exactly are those Ninja heroes of Everton?

“Ninja Romo” Lukaku

Ninja Romo, the courageous front-line runner and devoted student of language and footballing arts, was rejected by the Russo-Italian oligarchs of greed and arrogance based dahn safff in Lahndahn. Ninja Romo was cast northwards to the chilly north to learn from Roberto “Splinter”, who, in effect was now becoming touted as the true Special One. Ninja Romo wears flowing locks of curls, giving him the herculean strength of Samson, forcing him to move on two, long and razor-sharp legs that will slice through solid defences, yet spin majestically and whip missile-like efforts goalbound.

“Ninja Deffo” Deulofeu

Easy-going, fun-loving and free-spirited being, Ninja Deffo wears the blue shirt with pride and wields a hefty nunchaku shot. He is one of the youngest of the Turtles, and often provides the comic relief. While he loves to relax and eat pizza, this Turtle also has an adventurous and creative side. He is something of the “Barcelonica Schoolboy”, speaking usually in a lovable Hispanico-Scouse accent. His name is always being mis-pronounced, but not his talent.

“Ninja Bainsey” Baines

Schooled in the early years of Wigano College, Ninja Bainsey is the scientist, inventor, engineer, and technological genius who is extremely skilled and proficient in clocking a dead ball and solving where many goalkeepers should not stand! He is perhaps the least violent turtle, preferring to use his knowledge to solve conflicts and is intensely loyal to his defending “tippei-tappei” brothers.

“Ninja Rosso” Barkley

The team’s alleged bad boy, Ninja Rosso has an aggressive nature and seldom hesitates to throw the first punch within a minute of kick-off. His personality can be alternately fierce and sarcastic, and oft-times delivers himself and ball into areas of a dangerous prospect.

Gareth “Shredder” Barry

The Ninja’s adoptive father, Shredder was a mutant “Citeh” rat who learned the ways of calmness and control from his owner and master, Mancini. In the Champs title win, Shredder was mutated into a humanoid Hodson rat instead of being just Mancini’s pet.

---

Reader Comments (8)

Note: the following content is not moderated or vetted by the site owners at the time of submission. Comments are the responsibility of the poster. Disclaimer

About these ads