The current plight of a once great institution and famous football club now lies in near ruins. Beset with financial problems and holding only a piss pot with more holes than a cullender seen lurching from one crisis to the next.

Never in the history of this once elite club, previously recognized as being football’s School of Science with its club motto being Nil Satis Nisi Optimum, have we plumbed the depths that we have descended to today.

The club motto during my time at Liverpool Collegiate School during my youth learning Latin translated to “Nothing but the Best” but sadly is now a million miles from where we stand.

How have we reached such a low point?

The blame game can be directed to any number of events occurring over the past decades since Howard Kendall’s glory era, but undoubtedly since the start of Boys Pen Bill’s reign, we have been subjected to a continuous downward spiral. 

Management appointees unsuited to their positions at executive, commercial and managerial level, suspect directors of football, plus an old boy’s coaching plethora have seriously affected how the business should have been run.

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Why is this piece titled “Is Our Man Just a Gofer”? 

The coming of our Messiah – albeit now seemingly only a gofer – heralded the answer to our prayers as a long downtrodden and ignored fanatical fanbase rejoiced in supposedly new-found wealth. Promises of Champions League football and money to buy the stars needed to achieve a seat at the top table were proclaimed, but never materialized.

Our Messiah, it would seem, now probably only arrived as the gofer for his crooked oligarch paymaster with both being bereft of much football knowledge. He was never concerned about what this club meant to the army of fans who have faithfully served and followed the club since before he was even born. Reckless, ignorant, pigheaded and allowing Bungalow Bill to splash the cash of his hidden money launderer boss with reckless abandonment. 

A particular deal brought in a £35 million transfer from a club in a deadline day deal somewhat may reveal oligarch involvement, as what fool would have paid that amount of money for a player who couldn’t command a regular game at his old club and who has since consistently shown why in a blue shirt. 

Who knows – except the Oligarch, the Gofer and Bungalow Bill as to why a hurried crap deal like that was ever done. It makes one wonder where and how it was financed, now knowing the Oligarch with his well-known London connections. 

Gofers usually do what they are instructed to do without question, with silence being the operative word when carrying out their tasks. Silence has been golden of late as we now suffer the consequences of the gofer trying to save his and his boss’s ass. 

Didn’t he recently announce the sale of limited shares to a US company? I guess they have checked him out and are having second thoughts as there have been no further recent announcements. Money for the stadium has probably now run out with investor capital the only avenue to rescue its completion. 

The gofer even allowed the shaming of his own supporters with falsehoods spewed from a prat with bloated jowls acting as his mouthpiece but who has never apologized on behalf of the now unproven and not even investigated attack. 

There never was any truth in what was claimed, and nobody was investigated, charged, tried or jailed for seemingly such a horrendous attack on a female member of the board. Are Merseyside Police too busy to deal with serious assault or do they know too well a concocted story when it is presented to them?

Him with the hanging jowls and bloated cheeks, who knows all the underhand dealings and the real financial issues that blight our club today, is still raking in a fortune for his dastardly deals. Untouchable as he is, he obviously knows the complete story and refuses to be moved. He has the gofer well and truly by the balls.

The gofer is reportedly an accountant by profession, having somehow amassed a huge fortune, and is the club’s current majority owner by shareholding. Did he suddenly lose his fortune, or did he not have a fortune to begin with? 
The oligarch was reportedly involved in interviews for a succession of 5 since sacked managers. Was the gofer receiving instructions from his boss? Who was making the final decisions? 

A pointed set of questions, one might think, but many that point to the oligarch being the financial controller who has now lost his wallet and is looking to recover whatever he can. The gofer has all but disappeared from the scene with no comments, no information and no quoted transfer budget. 

“Yes, we will buy a striker,” said the gofer as he announced before last season’s transfer window was closed. “Oh, no we won’t,” said the boss to the gofer (and we didn’t get one). [No pun intended related to pantomime and a certain person with a theatrical background…]

Lost in a sea of debt as we move into the new season, even with receipt of £110M recently received from TV revenues unlikely ever to be seen, we as supporters shall move on as always in defiant mood but sadly very much in hope. 

The gofer and the goon at the top are probably thinking they have won a battle, but they will never win the war. With a fanbase often reported as being born and not bred, never will we give up the fight to get the unscrupulous, lying, money-laundering brigade out of our club.

Do I know about gofers?

Well, I do know a little about gofers as I’ve spent the past 25 years living and working in Asia. A very wealthy person with an accountancy background (sound familiar?), reputedly worth hundreds of millions of dollars, once approached me and subsequently employed me to run his chemical focused business empire in Asia and China.

I wasn’t the gofer, but he had a relative who knew what the life of a gofer was all about. Dodgy dealings, enormous bank loans, tax evasion, false accountancy, bribery and underhand profit transfer theft was often carried out at his behest. I now see many similarities in how they operated and how a once famous football club is probably being run. 

I worked at it for 7 years but eventually walked away having been unable to continue being a part of the continuous shenanigans that were regularly being concocted. It was nice to earn an expat salary with the added benefits that accompany it, but it wasn’t worth going to jail for. 

I refused to sign any NDA agreements that were offered to me on submission of my notice to quit and suffered harassment, family threats and even received a warning that I should be very careful when opening my front door. “Empty drums make the loudest noise” as they say… but nothing worse than having my car tires slashed ever transpired. 

Luckily, I still had a company credit card during my period of garden leave and so it cost me nothing to have 4 new tires to replace those that had been spoiled!!

Very rich people, and I have met quite a few, often left me the impression that they are immune from guilt, have enormously thick skin, and have very little of a conscience when it comes to ripping people off. Probably not too dissimilar to some we know…

Let’s hope for all of us die-hard followers that what goes around comes back around and we one day get back to being The People’s Club with a well-structured board – their only interest being to make us a proud and sustainable club once again.

Legal Disclaimer: I wish to include herein that any reference to real persons as may be suspected, cited, named or mentioned in this article, being purely an opinion of matters related to the current situation at a football club should be seen as purely fictitious. The comments associated with the article imply no libellous or defamatory intent as to the fictitious characters referred.

Reader Comments (15)

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John Zapa
1 Posted 24/08/2023 at 16:24:11
I always maintained that the stadium is unsustainable and that no reputable financial institution will lend Everton money. It's just a matter of time until evidence and first-hand witnesses will corroborate that Usmanov is the real owner through his offshore holdings.

Moshiri may legally own the majority of Everton shares, but another entity owned by Usmanov owns that company. It could turn out for the best if this is exposed soon.

Barry Hesketh
2 Posted 24/08/2023 at 16:30:09
Now, I know that Everton is getting to me, I read almost two-thirds of this article, suffering from some sort of word blindness, I kept trying to work-out why a G-O-L-F-E-R would be any use to anybody - Nurse get my meds please.
Alan J Thompson
3 Posted 24/08/2023 at 17:23:37
I think nearly all of us are aware of that which is implied but the big question is if there is a reasonable way out of these financial problems without suggesting the improbable almost impossible winning the League and European competitions.

What for example would be raised if the wage bill was slashed in half, merchandise sales were increased, if at all possible, and how much would be raised from moving to the new stadium at Bramley-Moore Dock just to meet P&S limits or are we just waiting for somebody else to come in and pour money in only this time to meet debt in exchange for stock, is it?

And all this is if we avoid relegation.

Duncan McDine
4 Posted 24/08/2023 at 17:37:56
Brilliant article, John. There just doesn't seem to be an alternative scenario that makes any sense. Since the Russian has been sanctioned, we haven't had a penny.
Eddie Smith
5 Posted 24/08/2023 at 17:54:46
I think you have just hit a nail very firmly on the head. We might get clarification very soon. If as I suspect our money grabbing chairman decides to make a stage version of "The Day of the Jackal". Starring Tommy Steele.
David Cooper
6 Posted 24/08/2023 at 18:33:50
When Barrett-Baxendale jumped or was pushed from being CEO, were any of us slightly confused/surprised when Colin Chong added the position of CEO to his other titles linked to Laing O'Rourke? I was wondering what the fuck does he know about football? But I thought "Here is a man who deals with millions of pounds every day so he should be able to sort our finances."

Fast forward to today when Colin Chong has written about Michael Jones on the EFC website. Kenwright nowhere to be seen or heard. He of “He ain't heavy, he's my brother”.

And then, on the same day, the bombshell drops that MSP have dropped out of the funding agreement with EFC. Only to find as Jordan said on TalkSPORT this morning “it was not doomsday” – that's because they have given £100M of the £150M to Moshiri's account to pay for the ongoing cost of the stadium. How long will that last?

I could be wrong but did Chong in his role of Everton CEO have anything to do in the discussions to make this happen? One asks “Conflict of interests, anyone?”

What an evil web we weave in our attempts to deceive!

Jimmy Salt
7 Posted 25/08/2023 at 08:17:15
I do wonder if "doing a Chelsea" might be the best thing for us now.
Peter Moore
8 Posted 25/08/2023 at 10:09:15
Thanks for this article, John. I suspect the sanctions on the Gaffer of the Gofer are what scuppered the listing ship. New ownership needed ASAP.
Trevor Powell
9 Posted 25/08/2023 at 19:19:11
The alleged attack on our former female CEO has so much bullshit around it.

How come the CEO has no witnesses to the attack, especially when so many people have a video camera on them?

Why was she not in her car? Why was she walking in such a deserted area?

How can she be economical with the truth when far too many women are attacked for real and all the trauma of actually fighting for justice?

Despicable behaviour and she will have got a pay-off of huge proportions and will walk into a gravy train job with Kenwright and Moshiri as her references!

Tony Abrahams
10 Posted 26/08/2023 at 18:38:50
I don't think she will find another job that easily, Trevor, considering she was looking for alternative employment for at least 18 months before she received a very large payoff for being another of Bill Kenwright's patsies.

Everything eventually comes out in the wash, which might mean a quick sale is the best thing for our current occupants. We will see.

Derek Taylor
11 Posted 27/08/2023 at 20:38:29
I suspect Chairman Bill has retained his post by signifying his willingness to appear before the October hearing - alone if necessary.

There is certainly not a bigger blagger in the game and, although it hurts me to say it, he's probably the only one who can bullshit the commission into looking kindly at Moshiri's transgressions.

''Kenwright saves Everton' – now that would be a headline to savour!

Brendan McLaughlin
12 Posted 27/08/2023 at 20:44:33
Indeed Trevor #9

"Why was she not in her car? Why was she walking in such a deserted area?"

Why was she wearing a short skirt eh?

Howard Don
13 Posted 31/08/2023 at 09:18:44
Nice article John, as another ex Collegiate boy who worked overseas I can identify. I was working for a British consulting engineer in the Middle East supervising a local contractor. Their senior manager invited me and my wife round for a very convivial evening at the end of which they offered to pay me double my salary into a separate bank account, “just as a gesture of goodwill” or some such. They told me they had similar arrangements with other consultant’s staff and perhaps that was true. I made my excuses politely and left. Could have accumulated a lot more money, but stayed my own man. Makes me cringe when I see articles regarding UK government and other bodies having real reservations about potential investors into our club. Sad days for a once proud institution.
Tony Abrahams
14 Posted 31/08/2023 at 09:28:33
It sounds like somebody has finally found some footage of headlockgate, if they know what clothing Miss Braxendale was wearing on that fateful night.
Rob Dolby
15 Posted 31/08/2023 at 10:15:20
Nice article especially the disclaimer!

Lots of us have suspected from day 1 that something wasn't right.

First red flag, A £15m striker from the Russian league that would struggle in any level of football was purchased. If that wasn't dodgy dealings I don't know what is.

We are assuming a lot without cast iron proof but let's face it you would have to be naive to think anything other.

I don't recall too many fans upset at our new found wealth. Buying players like a kid in a sweet shop led us to believe that we where finally able to compete again.

The Ukraine war put a stop to it all. Which has left us in this position. Purse strings pulled.

What is the term for the gofers front man? Stooge, Patsie, accomplice?

This is where I think the greatest Evertonian has finally backed himself into a corner that he can't squirm out of.

We aren't the only club with these shenanigans going on in the background. David Conn had a book out in the mid 90s about how the premier league chairmen obtained power. Some right iffy characters but all British, the game has since become a global phenomenon.

City and Chelsea are now the major players. Moving money around at record levels. They ironically have the best accountants and lawyers to fend off the threat of ffp or whatever it's called.

The current Cole Palmer deal I suspect is more to do with adhering to accountancy rules than footballing aspirations.

The only way out of this mess is to hope that we have a local wealthy Evertonian (AJ Bell) to take over or jump onto the saudi bandwagon and let them rule the club, easier said than done.

Something has to change at the top otherwise the club is in real danger. The likes of Sunderland, Sheff Wed and Derby through mismanagement have never recovered, whilst the likes of Brentford, Palace, Fulham and Brighton are well and truly punching above their weight with well structured management.

I'am also a collegiate old boy and drive past the school quite a bit.
I still remember Manning Fox with that bloody cane.
Renovating it into apartments saved it from demolition.

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